


A Loss for Words

by arjasmo



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Medical Trauma, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-21
Updated: 2017-02-02
Packaged: 2018-09-01 05:24:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 49,449
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8610439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arjasmo/pseuds/arjasmo
Summary: John and Rose are both talented cops. He is gifted with the ability to talk to anyone, about anything, anytime. Rose is smart, intuitive, driven and an excellent officer and supervisor. They can’t deny their instant attraction, but their relationship it is forbidden within the department. They need to talk, make a plan, but John’s gift is suddenly and traumatically taken from him. Can they find their way back to each other or are the walls that they both build so readily going to make it impossible?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to my new multi-chapter fic. I have been contemplating this one for a while and it finally found its way out. It also is my first time writing any smut. Mind you, I know there is some amazing smut out there and I make no claims that anything I put forward is even on the planet of some of you. It is not gratuitous but rather I thought it was important to move the story along. You will see it in a further chapter. This is a finished fic and I am editing it as I go. I plan to post once or twice a week. That being said, I will post two chapters today to get you a better bite of the story. Happy reading!

Rose Tyler was running late. Not epically late, but late for her, which was early for everyone else. She liked to get to the briefing room early before her squad, to greet them as they walked in. It gave her a better feeling for how they were doing and made it easier to keep an eye on who may be not doing well. She knew it was smart to keep an eye on her people. In this day when cops were equally worshiped as heroes and vilified, she had to pay attention. 

She knew them all. She knew their families. She memorized their children's names. In kind they were loyal to her. She lovingly called it her "happy little squad". It was a tight unit that worked well together and knew each other well. That was, until today. 

A few months ago, her squad lost her favorite officer. It wasn't through death or some other horrible reason, he simply promoted. Now Jack Harkness had his own squad, but they frequently crossed paths. She missed jack will all his bawdy humor, but was proud to see him excel. He had gotten into law enforcement later in life than she. At first she had been concerned that perhaps he would not take to a sergeant that was years younger than he. But she found out quickly that Jack was not that sort of man. He bonded with her closely. He was a good ally to have too. 

But today, after Captain Noble had been breathing down her neck, Rose acquiesced and allowed someone to take Jack's place. She hadn't been insubordinate, but she had dragged her feet with paperwork and such. The only saving grace of letting someone new in was that he was a friend of Jack's. He wasn't a rookie either. He had made a lateral transfer from another local department. Jack briefly explained by saying that his friend had had a rough time and needed a change, though nothing was his fault. He also assured Rose that she would like him. 

Rose had her doubts though. As she greeted every member of her team and the briefing drew nearer, there was no sign of the new man. Then just as she was walking over to close the door, a tall, skinny man streaked into the room. He was out of breath but wore a brilliant smile. Rose instantly found herself starting to blush just at the sight of it before quickly schooling her features. 

He stuck out his hand. "Hello, you must be Sergeant Tyler, I'm John Smith. I'm new."

"I can see that. First a few rules, since you are 'new'. You can call me Rose to my face and in casual interactions, but not in the field. We are family here and I want this to feel as much like it as possible. It helps to know you have your family out there with you. Next, you need to be here early, this briefing starts at 0700 and if you are late you owe beer to the entire squad. Plus you are on my shit list. Don't be on me shit list." Her last statement drew murmurs of agreement from behind her. 

John nodded. "OK those sound like good rules. I'll be here early tomorrow. Thank you Sarg...er...Rose."

John took a seat in the front row and Rose began her morning briefing.

OoOoOo

John Smith had also been running late that morning. He had intentionally left sooner than usual to catch the early bus, but then his neighbor stopped him to ask a question, then an elderly lady on the street had her dog break its leash and he had to chase it down for her, then he had to stop for coffee but the line was long. All told, he missed the first bus and had to take the later one. This one was supposed to land him at the station right on time. But on time was late according to most people's standards. 

Luckily he had all he needed, thanks to his friend Jack. He had been a good ally for John, getting him set up with the department and all. He even tried to get John to meet his new sergeant but they kept missing her. Apparently she was very hands on and was frequently on calls with her officers. So today would be the day. 

The bus stopped right in front of the station exactly 2 minutes before the morning briefing was to begin and John sprinted into the building. 

As he ran to the briefing room, John caught sight of something through the window. A woman, blonde hair, shorter than him, clearly in great shape, stood there, apparently waiting for him. She stopped John in his tracks, she was gorgeous. Suddenly he was very excited to meet his new squad and quickly he sped back up to the doorway.

OoOoO

Once John got settled, Rose began.

“Ok well you all will have a chance to meet John Smith after this, so let’s get started. We don't have a lot to discuss, other than the Master is still out there. He committed another robbery last night. But this one has a break. Someone saw him. She's working with sketch artist right now, as a matter of fact. We're hoping it will give us something to look for. Honestly this guy is so slippery. The detectives have so little to go on. Meanwhile this guy escalates. He is also using more force now. Last night he pistol whipped a security guard. Broke his jaw. But he is also getting bolder. We all have to be aware. It seems that nothing is below him though. ATM theft, banks, convenience stores, you name it he'll steal it...twice. The problem is that there seems to be no pattern. He hits a bank one day and a gas station the next. So I need you all to keep your eyes open. After the witness finishes, she will have a protective detail. I will be asking help with that tomorrow. She’s covered for today. I guess that's it. Check the board for your assignments. John, you’re with Mickey for today and until you learn the ropes. I'll see you all tonight. But John, meet with Mickey for a little bit then I want to see you in my office."

John nodded as he enthusiastically took a seat next to his new partner. Rose tried not to watch as the two instantly bonded. Before she could even pick up her paperwork they were laughing like old friends. Rose took a minute to take him in. He had chestnut brown hair lightly tousled. He was quite skinny, but looked like he was in great shape. By her standards he was quite good looking, but off limits as he was her subordinate. So that was not an option. If she had met him outside of work though, it might have been a different story. 

She watched him as he easily conversed with Mickey. He would do well with him. She had actually dated Mickey some time ago, before she was promoted but maintained a great friendship with him. She was happy to have him on her squad. 

She hadn't noticed she was staring until John looked up and flashed her a magnificent smile. Then she blushed fiercely, didn't return the smile, gathered her things and rushed to her office. 

Calling it "her office" was a little bit of a stretch. It was really just a corner of the room with cubicle separations. But it had enough privacy for her needs. If she really needed to talk to anyone she could go into an interrogation room. 

Rose sat down to wait for John. In the mean time she perused his file. He had come over from Gallifrey. It was a smaller department, but had seen its share of stuff. Recently they had a huge bomb detonate. A local boy made the bomb to scare some others but got in too deep. He started reading literature that highlighted domestic terrorism. Before too long he had a plan. He planned a bomb, but the effects were bigger than he had intended. Later he as interviewed and admitted to wanting to scare some kids. He had been bullied all his life. He wanted to show his power. But it got out of hand and five innocent children died. It was nothing short of horrific. No wonder John wanted to move. 

John startled her with a cheery, "Hello Sarge!", and plopped in the chair next to the desk. 

"You can call me Rose." she repeated.

"Oh I know, but as you will see, I call people a lot of things. I talk a lot actually if you hadn't noticed I think if there was one thing that people say about me is that I can talk. Oh and that I am brilliant."

"Well you certainly come well recommended by Jack and by your sergeant over at Gallifrey. Tell me John, why did you move?"

Something passed over John's face, but it was ever so fast. If Rose had not had eye contact with him at that very moment she would have missed it. But she couldn't identify it. It didn't look like worry, but maybe sadness? Anyway it was gone almost before she could register it. He was quick to recover too. "Oh I just needed a change of pace. I was looking for someplace a little bigger than Gallifrey. Maybe with a little more going on."

"Well you came at a good time John," she countered. They began discussing his position, what she expected of him and such. John was very much an active participant. He was quite chatty too. It took her a few times to re-direct him from going on tangents. It wasn't hard to get him going the right direction, but it was a little exhaustive. 

John, for his part liked, Rose immediately. She was good, no, great looking, and articulate. 

Finally she finished. "So I'm confident you will do well with Mickey. You will be on your own very soon I suspect. You seem quite competent."

"Thank you. I have a nearly encyclopedic knowledge of laws, rules and regulations. It's kind of a hobby. "

"It’s a good hobby to have." She sat back. "So Gallifrey, were you on that day of the bombing? I heard it was quite the cluster."

John felt an instant rock descend into his belly. His pulse quickened and he tried not to vomit. He sat there, in front of his superior, who was just being friendly, but he had no good answer for her. Was, "Yeah I was there and five little boys died because of me," an appropriate response? He could feel Rose's eyes on him, her expression quickly changing to puzzlement. He drew a breath, but before he could make an answer, Jack popped out from behind the cubicle wall. "Well hello there!" he called.

Rose smiled brightly at Jack and no one saw John blow out a long slow breath before he turned to his friend. 

"Jack! Nice to see you!" he chirped to his friend. Jack clapped John on the shoulder. 

"I'm glad you're here John. I'm also glad you're with Rose here. She'll take great care of you."

"I can tell already," John replied.

"OK, you two. You can break up the bromance. John, go meet with Mickey. Just so you know, it's Thursday and we all go for happy hour after shift. It's good bonding. "

"Yes ma'am I'll be there!" John hopped up and smiled at Jack again before leaving. 

Jack turned back to Rose. "So Rosie, how do you like him?"

"Oh he's fine."

"He is fine." Jack waggled his eyebrows. 

Rose slapped Jack on the arm. "No you tool, he seems good. Talkative, but good."

"Oh Rose, he's the best. He'll never toot his own horn but there is no one like him. He's the smartest guy I've ever seen. I've seen him arrive on scene and talk someone off a ledge in 30 seconds. He just has a way with people."

"Was he at the situation in Gallifrey?"

"Yes, but we haven't ever talked about it. All I know is that he called me saying he needed to move and didn't elaborate. And I didn't ask.” 

"How did you meet him?"

"We went to the state academy together. It had recruits from all over the state. We were roommates.”

"Oh I'm sure he has some stories to tell," Rose retorted with a smirk.

"You have no idea, but he’s sworn to secrecy."

"But he's squared away after the whole Gallifrey deal right? I mean I don't have to worry?"

"No he's good I think. He didn't get kicked out of that department. He asked to leave. The guys I've talked with really liked him and were sad to see him go."

"Hmm, I wonder why he left."

"Well maybe he'll tell you some day. I mean he talks all the time, maybe you just need to listen and put the pieces together."

"Thanks Jack, hey will you join us tonight after you get off?"

"I'll see what Ianto has planned. Maybe." With that Jack gave her a saucy wink and left. 

Rose settled at her desk. John certainly seemed like a good addition to her squad. It remained to be see though. Glancing at her watch the adjusted her gun belt and headed out.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the second chapter for today. I think it's hard to get into a story with only one chapter. I hope you enjoy it. Pleas feel free to tell me how you feel. I've said it before, but it really helps us know that we aren't out there running around dropping literary turds!

Chapter 2

John met Mickey by their shared patrol car for the day. Mickey was in the passenger seat fiddling with his phone. "Hey John, you drive, OK? I guess we'll just see what I need to teach you as we go. Then I can fill out this very detailed checklist Rose gave me. "He held up a packet of about five pieces of paper stapled together. 

"Thorough, isn't she?" John inquired.

"You have no idea." Mickey laughed.

John and Mickey hit it off immediately. Though they were different in approach, they communicated well right away. Plus very quickly Mickey found that John was indeed an encyclopedia. 

Their day was made up of mostly community assist calls. They started with a disabled vehicle that John and Mickey pushed out of traffic and then to a lost child call. 

When John and Mickey arrived, Mickey started interviewing the visibly upset mother. She wrung her hands over a wad of used tissues and held back tears as she explained the situation to Mickey. "I just got mad at Toby because he wrote on the wall. I was trying to scrub it off. When I turned around, he was gone. I didn't even hear the door open." 

While Mickey was talking to her, John looked around. He maintained an innocent look, but as per his training, he was keeping an eye out for any signs of abuse or neglect. The house was tidy though, and the child's room looked well cared for and filled with the appropriate amount of bright toys. His closet was full of clothes and his bed was not made. John came closer, something was missing. Various toys littered the ground, but as he looked back on the bed he noticed it had nothing on it. No teddy bears, animals or anything. He poked around for another minute but found nothing. 

Then he felt it, a little breeze. He turned to the window and saw that it was open about eight inches. Sticking his head out the opening, he noticed that screen had been pushed through and was on the ground outside. 

When he peeked out, he could see a child size play house on the other side of the small yard. 

John rejoined Mickey and the mother. She was now crying into the tissue as Mickey wrote things in his notebook. 

John kneeled in front of her. "Ma'am? Did Toby have anything important to him that he never go far away from? Like a blanket, toy or something?"

She gave him a watery smile. "He never goes anywhere without his ‘zoo’. That’s what he calls it. He has a bear and a sheep and a hedgehog. I don't know what I'm going to do with him when he goes to school." With that she started to cry again.

John patted her on the knee and stood. Mickey eyed him. John gave his partner a little grin and a wink. 

Mickey went back to asking questions and John took a few steps back and turned into the kitchen. There was a door leading into the back yard that was dead bolted. John turned the lock and stepped into the yard. He looked around and then at the play house. Just as he did, a little fuzzy hedgehog tumbled into the doorway and a teeny little hand reached out and snatched it back. 

John smiled. He walked up to the house and again knelt down. Slowly he peeked around the corner. There was a child size table and chairs set up inside. From under the table stuck out a little foot wearing a sock with robots on it. John shifted a little and the gravel under his shoes crunched. The little foot instantly disappeared. 

John leaned in a little closer. In a soft voice he said, "Excuse me, I'm here because I was told a hedgehog escaped from the zoo and I am looking for him." 

There was a scraping sound under the table like someone was moving. 

John tried again. "Can you help maybe tell me where he is?"

A little chubby hand jutted out from under the table into view. It was holding a stuffed hedgehog toy. Then a tiny voice followed it. "He's not s-scaped. He's happy."

John smiled and moved to where he was in the doorway. "But you know what? That little hedgehog's mommy is very sad. She misses her baby. I've come to find him and help him get home."

"Why?"

"Because it's snack time of course. And little hedgehogs need snacks so they can grow into big hedgehogs."

"There's snacks?" A little face peeked out and looked up with huge brown eyes at John and took him in. "What kind of snacks?"

John rested back on his heels and scratched his chin. "Well I don't know. What do hedgehogs like to eat?"

"FISHY CRACKERS!" Toby squealed, inching out from under the table. 

John grinned at the boy. "Do you think the hedgehog's mother has fishy crackers?"

"His name is Prickly."

"And your name is Toby." The boy nodded. "OK do you think Prickly's mother has fishy crackers?"

"She just buyed a big box."

OoOoOo

Inside Mickey was still talking to Toby's mother when Rose knocked and came in. Mickey gave her a relieved look when she came in, happy to be possibly free of questioning the emotional mother. He gave Rose a quick rundown. The mother was still sobbing. "He's just so shy. I'm afraid he will run away from everyone..." 

"We have crews scouring the neighborhood now ma'am." Rose assured. Then she asked, "Where's John?" Mickey pointed to the back door. 

Rose left the crying mother with Mickey, much to Mickey's dismay, and went out the back door. She was only a step out when she came up to John, now with a smiling three year old on his shoulders. The boy held a bear and a hedgehog and John held one of the boy's legs in one hand and a sheep in the other. He grinned at her. 

"Hello Sarge, this is Toby. Welllll… Toby and Prickly, Bear-Bear and Sheepy. They have been hiding out in the playhouse because Toby's mother got mad."

"Oh I see. So Toby are you ready to come inside now? Your mother is very worried,” Rose asked. 

"Yeah! John gave me a ride!" He patted the top of John's head, not very lightly. Rose noticed John wince a little, then use the hand that held the sheep to push hair out of his eyes. 

Rose smiled at John and turned to lead the boys inside. John had to duck to get in, but as he did he heard Toby's mom scream for her boy. It was all he could do to get the boy off his shoulders so she could hold him. 

"Where did you find him?" she gushed.

"In his playhouse. He went out an open window."

"Oh thank you so much!" she cried, hugging her son tight again. 

Toby pulled away then. "Mama? John said it was snack time. Can we have snacks?"

"Of course." 

After a snack, Toby insisted the John, Rose and Mickey stay for fishy crackers and juice, they bid goodbye to the little boy and his mother. When they were almost to their cars, Rose stopped John. 

"Hey so how did you find him?"

"Just a little deduction, I found an open window and noticed he had taken his favorite toys. It was just a matter of time. "

"But his mother said he was really shy."

"Oh, you'll quickly find that I can talk to anyone... or anything. I was Gallifrey's number one negotiator. Not like we had many situations, but I talked a few people down, so to say. It's a gift."

"I certainly believe that you can talk to anyone. You haven't stopped since you got here."

"That is also a gift." He smirked at her.

"Well then you guys have another hour and I'll see you back at the station.” With that she left. 

Mickey caught up with John. "Hey, are you ready?"

"Yeah," John smiled. Taking a glance back at Rose. 

"I think she likes you." Mickey said poking John in the arm.

"Nah, why would you think that?"

"We haven't had a new person on his squad in a while. And when we did a few years back, she barely made eye contact for at least a few weeks."

"Oh Mickety Mick, as I just told her, I can talk to anyone."

OoOoO

The rest of the shift was uneventful. They did a few traffic stops and arrested a shoplifter. After all was done, Mickey and John went back to the station, changed into street clothes and headed out for happy hour with the squad. Well most of the squad, those with children usually only popped by to say hello. Still John picked up on something while he sat on the edge of the group with Mickey. They were close. This squad was really bonded, more than any one he had been on before. 

And Rose was right in the middle of it. She was surrounded by people, talking and telling stories, right in the mix. John watched and sighed. 

"What?" Mickey asked setting down his beer. 

"Man you guys are bonded. I know it's my first day, but it's a little overwhelming."

"Oh, you'll fit in. Don't worry. Rose is really good, she'll get used to you in no time. When she is comfortable we all are comfortable. You should talk to her. She's really cool."

"I know, but she’s right in the middle of talking now. I'll wait."

Some time later Mickey excused himself to play darts, apparently he had a running game going with one of the other officers. That left John alone. Suddenly Rose slipped into the seat opposite him. Can I buy you a drink? What are you having?"

"Oh, just a soda. I'm not a big drinker."

"Want another?"

"No thanks, I'm good. I'm almost finished anyway, my brain is a little full from today, and I’m almost ready to do home."

"Oh ok…" she answered, taking a pull from her beer.”So, nice work today with that little boy."

"Thank you. I like that sort of police work. You know, the positive stuff. That's why I got into it. I really like to help folks out. We all need a little crisis tour guiding in our lives. 

"So this is how you see it? Crisis tour guides?"

"Yup," he popped the "p". "As I see it Rose Tyler, people call us when they are out of options. They are scared or in trouble or have been wronged. It’s our job to see them through that. Whether by eliminating the threat, negotiating or just holding a hand."

"That's almost poetic, John."

"Did I not tell you I have away with words?"

Rose eyed him for a moment. An awkward silence fell between them. They both could feel the tension, which was evident by the simultaneous throat clear and blush they did together.

"Well..." they said in unison, eliciting laughs from both sides.

"Ladies first," John said, motioning with his hand. 

"Oh you'll find I'm no lady," Rose laughed. "But I figure I need to be getting home."

"Me too." His voice was low and she had to lean in a little to catch it. 

They stood together, but when they caught everyone's eyes, John sat again. He said quietly," If we leave together people will get the wrong idea."

Rose brushed it off. "Oh it always takes me a while to get out of here. You're good. I'll see you tomorrow John."

"Yes ma'am!" He grinned widely at the exasperated look Rose gave him. He waved to his partner and headed for the door. 

A little while later when Rose finally was able to break away, after she reminded the remaining officers that they needed to be on time in the morning, Rose drove home. She felt the cool night air as she left the bar and decided it was a good night to leave the top down on her red convertible. The car was a little flashy, but a present to herself when she last promoted. She figured one thing that was a splurge was ok. 

Rose carefully pulled out of her spot and drove away. When she was a few blocks away from home her eyes landed on a familiar figure walking alone the sidewalk. She pulled up to the curb. "Hey stranger, wanna ride?"

John jumped a little at her voice, but broke into a big smile at recognizing her. "Why Rose Tyler, you startled me. I was deep in thought. What brings you to this neck of the woods?"

"I was going home, I live a few blocks down from here, and you?"

"Oh I live a few more blocks, but I missed the bus, and decided to walk, it being such a nice night."

"Geez John, you're a walking advertisement for armed robbery! You didn't even hear me drive up. Here, hop in and I'll take you home."

"Oh you needn't do that."

"It's an order, Smith."

Without another word, John hurtled over that side, landing deftly in the passenger seat. 

Rose drove John home, she passed her street and ended up taking him about a mile farther. It was not a very good neighborhood he lived in. 

"Uh John, did you have trouble finding a place here, I mean in town?" she asked, hoping it would not sound snooty. 

"Oh no, I just wanted something no frills. I love my building though. My neighbors are nice. There's Maria and Luiz, who live on the first floor. They have seven grandchildren and are raising a few of them. But she fixes me dinner all the time. Lovely woman. Next to me is Carl, he's a student. He had me fix his computer last week. It's not the nicest apartment building, but it is just right for me. "

"But you work pretty far from here. Do you have a car?

"No, I've never had one. I like to ride the bus and walk. I feel I get a better idea of what is happening on the street if I do. Plus it's good for my heart." He tapped his chest. 

Rose nodded at the man beside her. He certainly was quirky, but in a good way. He was clearly good at reading people and situations. He had proved that that morning with little Toby. She idly wondered what he thought of her, before shaking it off. 

When they got you his squat little apartment building, John was off like a shot. “I'll see you tomorrow Sarge… Ermm Rose.” 

"You too John, don't be late."

"No Ma'am." He saluted her and turned to run inside.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well I finally separated this fic out from its very long first draft into chapters. I’m shocked, it came out to 17 and they are long ones too. So, instead of stretching this mammoth fic out for 14 more weeks, I am attempting to post twice a week or two chapters at a time. I mean who has time to wait that long? Certainly not me and my notoriously short attention span. Please don't string me up if it doesn't happen, but that is the plan. I’ll put up two today because this fic was heavy on exposition in the beginning. Please “kudos”, review… whatever. It means a lot to me.

The next morning Rose was early as usual. She quickly checked on her staffing for the day and any assignments and turned for the briefing room. Today was relatively simple, just one security standby was available. It was for the woman who could identify the Master. It was overtime and she would offer it up to anyone who needed the money.

As she opened the door to the briefing room, she startled, almost dropping all the papers in her hands. John Smith sat front and center, wearing a cheeky grin. "Hello Sarge!" he cheerfully squeaked. 

"Hello John, what, did you sleep here?"

"Nah, I just caught an earlier bus. It gets me here an hour early. But I like the bus driver better, he's more talkative and there are less people on the route. It goes a little quicker since it’s earlier."

Rose hid a smile at his explanation. Of course he would like the bus driver that would talk to him. He probably drove the other one nuts. She went about setting up for the day. John was to be with Mickey through the end of the week, but Mickey had assured her that John was more than ready. He just needed to learn the procedures and quirks of this department. Rose was confident he would do very well on his own. 

The members of her squad came filtering in as the beginning of their shift approached. Some looked a little worse for wear after the happy hour, but most were ready to go. 

"Ok people let's get to this," she started, "First off, the sketch of the Master is out for public consumption. Hopefully it will bring something. He didn't do anything last night though. But we do have a request to cover part of a protection shift for the witness. Is there anyone who wants it? It is about 3 hours I think before someone rotates out. They are trying to keep us fresh watching this house though. Frank, are you still interested? Or is your wife going to pop that baby out?"

A man John assumed was Frank laughed. "I think she's still ok, it was just a scare last week. I'll take it if I can." 

Rose wrote his name down. "OK anyone else? I know that it is the night before our days off, but c'mon I need two."

"I'll do it," John piped up. "That is, if no one else wants it. I know I'm new here and low on the priority list."

"Anyone?" Rose asked.

"I’d rather watch paint dry," answered Mickey, with various mumbles of ascent behind him. 

"OK then John and Frank. Both of you see me after this and we’ll coordinate."

John's shift went quickly with Mickey. Before he knew it, they were in the parking garage and Mickey was slapping him on the back and wishing him a happy "boredom fest."

Before he left, he showed John how to sign in and get assigned a vehicle. John told the desk he would be in the car and sat in the driver's seat waiting for Frank. Hopefully they would have enough time to run for some food. That's one thing he and Mickey hadn't been able to do before end of shift. 

He sat there listening to the radio, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel when the drivers' side door flew open. There stood Rose Tyler. 

"Out Smith, I drive," she stated, not angrily but strongly.

"Oh hi Rose! What though? Where's Frank?"

"Well I guess it wasn't a false alarm this time with his wife. She's about an hour away from delivering right now."

"Oh wow. That's something. So you're covering?"

"Yup, so get out. When I'm in the field I always drive."

John hopped out and stood facing her. “Well then by all means. But Rose, can we stop for food on the way? We didn't get a chance to grab anything before.” 

"Sure, fish and chips alright?" Rose sat in the driver’s seat and John ran around to the passenger side. 

"For my palate yes but for my heart no. How can you eat that stuff and still stay... Um...." He stopped himself. 

"What John?" Rose inquired, pushing her coworker. He was squirming and she knew it. 

"Um... how do you stay in such good shape?" John countered, his ears turning pink.

Rose felt a surge of something, maybe pride, maybe attraction, but it made her blush too. He had been looking. She let him flop around for a few more moments before answering. "I find that I run a lot in this job, but I also run a lot, privately. You never know when you have to catch someone.” 

For some reason John's blush intensified. "Well if you even need a running partner. I like it myself."

"Really? I'll think about it. It is better with two, I mean for security and just company."

"Oh Rose Tyler you'll find I'm great company."

Rose worried that she may be just about to find out, given the three hour stint she was about to do with him. 

OoOoOo

Rose pulled the patrol car out of the lot and drove John to a small fish and chips restaurant a few blocks away. If she hadn't shown her he would have missed it. 

Back in the car and loaded with amazing smelling fish and chips, John asked, "How did you know about this place?"

Rose scoffed. "I'll have you know, I've spent my time walking the beat. The owner, Joe, would always offer me hot chips, fries, when it was really cold out. One day I took him up on it." Moments later they pulled up to the house they were guarding and Rose hopped out to talk with the officers that were there. 

A minute later she came back in and opened the to-go box with her food, looking at him. "You better eat up, it’s no good cold."

Rose showed John how to put malt vinegar on the chips and explained just how to enjoy them the most. John groaned loudly at his first bite. "Oh my Gods this is terrific!" he gushed. 

"I told you! Stick with me, I'll show you all the good places!" she retorted, putting a piece of fish in her mouth. 

"It's a date!" he enthused without thinking. Instantly they both turned red, and John faked that nothing happened by taking a drink of his soda. "Uh, so Rose, is there anything we should know about this woman, or this job?"

Rose swallowed hard. "Uh yes. Julie Baxter is her name and she is just basically having to stay inside. Poor lady. But the higher-ups really think she is in danger if she goes out. She is the only one who can identify the Master. She admits that she got a really good look at him. It's entirely possible that he will come for her. I mean she worked with the sketch artist, but she said she would never forget his face. So until we get him, she's stuck."

"Well that is terrible. I'd go nuts."

Rose laughed. "I bet you don't stay put very well."

John beamed back. "Not at all, which you are about to see. But my inability to sit still translates into a bang up security job!"

"We'll see," she uttered.

OoOoO

Being alone with John was not at all awkward like Rose thought it would be. They were situated in front of the house but in shadow cast by some of the big trees in the lots surrounding the house. The street itself was well lit, but the sidewalks weren't. The house was a typical ranch style, with plants of various sizes all around it. The witness must have had a penchant for rose bushes because she had quite a few also. From a security standpoint, the house was dangerous. It was almost overgrown with plants, which made it easy for someone to hide. After finishing dinner, of which John ate every last bite, they walked the grounds to get a better feeling for the place before settling back into the patrol car. 

As the shift continued, they sat and watched the house, talking back and forth about this and that. Rose quickly found that John was an excellent conversationalist. He knew a lot about a lot of things. He was funny too. Rose had to keep reminding herself to watch the house because her eyes were drawn to him again and again. She began to like the way his freckles danced on his face while he animatedly told a story. He didn't dominate the conversation entirely, but asked questions and laughed at her jokes. He did, however, talk at least twice as much as she did. 

Soon the sun had set. They kept the patrol car dark to be able to see out better. Both John and Rose noticed the sudden intimacy of being alone in the dark, though neither was willing to admit it. 

Unlike most superior and employee situations, John hadn't minded being stuck with his sergeant. At first he was a little surprised that it was her, but spending the evening with a good looking co-worker was never a problem. He enjoyed talking to her, and she was smart and funny too. Had he been in the car with someone who didn't like or was all business, it would have been torturous. 

"So Rose, what brought you to the police life?"

"That's a loaded question John," she answered coolly.

John didn't seem to notice. "Well you see, I like to see where people come from. It helps me know who they are and why they are the way they are."

Rose shifted. It was nearly a full moon out and the street had nice coverage with street lights. But even then John couldn't see her face. "Well I come from a long line of cops. My father was one and uncles and such. I'm the first girl though. I always knew this was what I wanted to do. I got in early. "

"Did your father retire?" 

Rose didn't skip a beat. "No he died in the line of duty when I was a girl. But there were enough cops around me all my life to help make up my mind. Of course my mother wasn't super enthusiastic about my choices, but she's mellowed."

John spoke with a voice devoid of his usual exuberance. "I'm sorry about your father Rose. I had no idea."

"It is what it is John. We know it’s part of the job. But yet here we are. Anyway, I worked really hard and eventually promoted. "

"So you get to live the cop life, all in the family and all that stuff."

"Well that stuff really sucked actually. My father was known as a good man but a lousy cop. He never was able to stay on task apparently. Not the best rule follower. A lot of the same guys were around when I started that worked with him. They were not kind all the time. So I really had to fight to get out from under my dad's shadow. I mean having uncles helped a little, but I still had to claw my way up. That's why I'm such a hard ass. I’m not willing to mess up or have my subordinates seen as anything less than great officers."

"I don't see you as a hard ass." John offered.

"No?"

"No, I just see you as someone who knows what she wants. A hard ass would imply that you don't listen and you do."

John could hear Rose shift again. It occurred to him that she may be a little uncomfortable with his questions. He was right. "Well John, maybe if you get to know me better or cross me you will find out for sure."

"I already know. I'm a great judge of character." She could tell he was smiling even though he was faced out the door and he wasn't in any light. 

Rose was silent for a few minutes. It was weird to have someone she just met tell her what he thought about her. She opted to punt. "Ok so now that you've heard my story, what about you? Why did you switch departments?" 

Now it was John's turn to wiggle in his seat. "Oh I just needed a change, that’s all." 

"Nope, not good enough Smith. If I'm going to tell you about me, you get to go. So spill. That's an order."

John glanced at her and back out the window. He was quiet for a long while. Then he drew a long breath. "It’s no secret. I didn't leave under duress or anything. I just couldn't be there anymore. It was too hard."

He stopped but Rose said nothing. After a few seconds he continued, "It was the bombing that did me in. The kid that did it. His name was Adam. He was one of those lonely, smart kids that was bullied a lot. He decided to get revenge on a group of boys who were always on his case. He knew they played basketball at the community center just about every night. They bragged about going there and meeting girls and such. Anyway, he planted a bomb. Then he sat himself on a bench across the street to watch. Somehow at the last minute he got a streak of conscience. He called 911 to report it. I was the first responding officer."

John's voice got smaller and smaller as he went on. "Adam ran into a building across the way and holed himself up in an office. It took me forever to get to talk to him. He had just called in that something was wrong but wouldn't specify. But he was blubbering so hard and rambling it took forever to reign him in. I finally got through to him though. He told me what was happening and we got the bomb squad enroute. As soon as we could, we started to evacuate. I thought I had a handle on Adam, he started to talk more, but then I think he realized that he was in really big trouble. It hit when I told him that his mother was there, they had gone and gotten her. He asked if he was going to jail. I responded truthfully, and he lost it. He had the cell phone in his hand that he was going to use to activate the bomb. I hadn’t been able to get it from him yet. He freaked out so much that he was squeezing the phone. He must have had it set up and accidentally hit send. It activated the bomb. I don't even know if he knew he did it at first."

John cleared his throat. "The bomb squad wasn't there yet and it was too late. The bomb was near the front door so he could catch them coming out. Of course he didn't tell me where it was, well until it was ready to detonate. We were just trying to get people out. When he activated it he looked at me and told me what he did and just where he had tucked the bomb he said he put a little lag time on it to be sure the boys would be in the right spot. I ran towards the building to try to stop everyone from coming out, I radioed too, but it was too quick. I almost got there. But it turns out I was just in time to see five little boys get blown up. They weren't the intended targets."

"Did it get you?" Rose leaned forward and looked at him intently. 

"A little. I got a few burns from the blast and burning debris. But it was nothing compared to..."

Rose jumped in. "John, it wasn’t your fault. I mean you talked to the kid, Adam, and you got him to tell you what was happening. "

"But I should have cleared the building. I let others go in instead. They found those little boys in a back classroom. They were playing with Legos." He stared out the window so Rose couldn't see his face. She felt an overwhelming urge to reach out and touch his shoulder but something was holding her back. 

"You did your job John."

"But I wasn't there for these kids. I got tied up in talking to Adam. He was interesting and I forgot to see the whole situation. I got blinders on and missed something huge." His voice cracked a little.

"So you moved."

"So I mo..." John fell silent.

"John?" she ventured quietly, but he held up his hand. Rose followed his line of sight but couldn't see anything.

"What do you see?" she whispered.

"It's what I don't see," he answered in a voice so quiet she had to strain to hear.

Rose waited, still staring into the darkness. 

John was fixated on one spot slowly he pointed. "Over there, under the maple tree. That big leafed plant. Do you see it?"

"Um yes."

"Ok the light from the street lights was reflecting off the leaves. It's not now. I think something is there. Just watch it for a moment."

Rose really didn't know what she was looking for and didn't really see anything. Then, it moved.  
"There," he breathed, "see that? One of the leaves it reflecting again. It shifted. I’m going to get out and look, you hit it with the spot light." Rose nodded, and John reached up and clicked off the dome light in the car so it would not light when he opened the door. He eased out, no doubt aided by his sleek frame. 

The door clicked shut and Rose took hold of the spotlight handle. When John crept to the front of the car she flicked on the light. There, partially obstructed by foliage was a man in charcoal grey camouflage. He froze for half a second when the light hit him but was off like a shot. John was right at his heels though, yelling for him to stop. 

Rose quickly called it in to dispatch then was running after John. 

The figure dodged and ran around the house to the alley where he jumped a fence. John jumped it too. He landed hard and was looking for where to run next when he heard more scrambling and realized that the man had doubled back. He was now heading towards Rose. 

"He's coming your way!" John yelled, hopping back over the fence and running back. 

Rose came around the corner of the house and ran smack into the man. She didn't even get a chance to react though, and he was bolting away again. Rose was spun off of him onto the ground. She hadn't even figured out what happened when John was at her side. "Are you OK?" he asked breathlessly.

"Yes! Go get him!" she yelled and John was gone. The very next thing she heard was John yelling for the man to stop and then a cry. Rose was on her feet in a flash and around the corner. She skidded to a stop when she saw John. He was sprawled out in the middle of the rose bushes. He looked to be in terrible pain.

"John what happened?"

John huffed. "I lost him. He baited me then jumped out of the way. I couldn't stop myself. He took off that way." He motioned with his head down the street as more officers arrived. Rose ran over to them, gave a quick description and direction before jogging back to John. 

John was looking more desperate. "Um Rose, can you get me out? I'm afraid to move."

Rose reached for his hand, he grabbed it and she gave him a tug resulting in a loud shout from John. "No Rose, that's not going to work,” he spat through gritted teeth. She could see that he was trying to keep a neutral face, but it was hard as he was clearly in pain. 

Rose went to let go of his hand to get help when he cried out again. "No, don’t let go. The tension is keeping me from losing a kidney."

"Really? Are you kidding me or just trying to hold my hand?" It slipped out before she could stop it. 

He shot her a smirk. "Maybe a little bit of both,” he uttered. Neither of them made eye contact then, but she still held onto him tightly. She entertained calling for the fire department to pull him out, but John asked her to see if the responding officers that were around could help first, mostly out of sheer embarrassment. If a crew of fire guys showed up to lift him out of the bed of thorns he was presently in he may die right there. 

Soon enough officers were around to all grab part of him and lift him out. Of course he had to stifle a few more yells, but was able to stand before Rose in his now torn uniform. 

Rose was grinning. "So Officer Smith, it seems you have torn your uniform." She surveyed him, walking around him slowly, taking in the sights as well as assessing the damage. John felt her fingers on his back and stiffened to the touch. 

"Um John, some of these are pretty bad. I think you may need stitches."

"Well that explains all the pain," he retorted. 

"Yeah, I'll take you in. Come on." Instead of taking his offered hand, she grabbed him by the upper arm much like she would guide a prisoner. But she was gentle when she sat him in their patrol car.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is the second chapter. If you had any questions about the direction they were heading in, you shouldn’t after this one. Thanks for reading!

The night that was supposed to be only three hours working with John stretched into six hours. The thing was, Rose didn't mind it at all. 

When they arrive at the hospital, Rose thought ahead and brought in the laptop from the car and they were able to complete their reports. John was sitting in the bed, now in a hospital gown with a sheet over his legs, with the laptop balancing on his knees. He typed very fast, she noticed. Much faster than her or anyone she knew, for that matter. They hadn't talked much about that night or the chase other than to make sure it was documented. John looked up from his writing and caught her eye. "Do you think that was the Master coming after her?"

Rose leaned back and stretched. "It wouldn't surprise me. It bugs me that he got away though. I mean, we protected the lady and that was our job, but it would have been nice to get him."

"Yeah," he sighed. "I almost had him too. It was close. I was reaching for him when he cut to the side and I landed in the briar patch. I'm sorry you had to do all this with me though. "

Rose smiled at the reference. "Really John, I don't mind. It's not like you are horrible to be around."

"You should see me when I’m hungry." They both laughed at that. 

Even though the next three days were off for them and she had spent a good portion of her night with him, she was happy. He was great company. They didn't hit on the awkward conversations from before again, but talked while waiting for him to be seen. As it turned out, John had a great love of literature and was quite the tinkerer. His intelligence was staggering too. Rose quickly realized that he would make a fine detective. He picked up details and read things so very well. 

There was one more thing that made her time with John delightful. It was John. He was beautiful. Even all scratched up, his face glowed. He lit up when he told stories and his eyes danced as he weaved his tales. Rose was enraptured. She lost track of time even. It seemed that they had been together for only a few minutes when in fact it had been hours.

It was a busy night in the emergency department. It took hours for the doctor to finally make it in to suture him. As he came in Rose stood. "Well I'll step out now, you know, for your privacy."

John panicked. He had just spent hours with her and she was leaving. He didn't want her to go. Not at all. He took a shot. "Wait Rose, please stay. You've been here the whole time anyway. I mean I'm practically naked. But honestly I'm a little afraid of needles and I could use a hand to hold." He blushed with the last statement. He knew it was a lie and hoped she wouldn't catch it he, in fact, wasn’t afraid of needles at all and had a very high pain tolerance. But he needed something to keep her there. 

Rose eyed him suspiciously. But he looked so embarrassed, his brown eyes rooted her in her spot. There was no way she could leave now, if ever. She took her seat again near his head. 

The wounds that required suturing were on his back just below his bulletproof vest and legs mostly. Before she knew it, he was on his stomach and the gown was pulled away showing well-toned legs and a very cute butt. Now Rose blushed. 

"Sorry you have to see this, but thanks for staying," he whispered. 

Rose didn't quite know what to say other than, "It's Ok."

Next John extended his hand. "Um, can you hold my hand during the injections? I may look like a grown up but really inside I'm just a 5 year old boy." Rose took it willingly. 

He only hissed a few times when the anesthetic was shot in but he squeezed her hand hard. She endured it, watching the doctor move around. But something compelled her to look back at John. It was him, his eyes were on her. They never left. It honestly made Rose a little uncomfortable, being started at. But John seemed quite at ease, especially once the local anesthetic worked. 

By the time it was all done and a tetanus shot was given (with another brief hand holding), and paperwork was completed, it was morning. 

Rose and John walked out together into the soft morning light. She had parked the car in a lot about a hundred yards away. John insisted on walking though, instead of her picking him up.

When they arrived, John gingerly John slid into the passenger seat. 

"You alright there my Thorny?" she asked with a smile. 

"Yeah, just a little tender. I can't believe I have to be out for a week.” 

"Oh it’s not that bad. I mean we are on days off and there’s plenty of new employee stuff to do to keep you occupied. I have to have you do that anyway. I mean like videos to watch from human resources and stuff. You'll be back at it before you know it."

John grumbled. Then seemed to cheer up. "I'm hungry. Wanna go grab a bite to eat?"

"Oh I don't know. We need to get this car back."

“I mean after."

"Oh, OK," Rose sputtered. Then she felt a wave of pure embarrassment set in. He wasn't asking her on a date, he was asking her to breakfast as partners, she chided herself. 

OoOoOo

After dropping off the patrol car Rose drove them to a diner that John recommended in her car. John was slowed a bit from the wounds, but his mouth never stopped. At first Rose thought that maybe it was a nervous habit, but it was much more. He actually engaged her in conversation, not small talk. He didn't have a political agenda and didn't brag, but more just talked about the world. She found out he liked to travel. He didn't get to go much on his salary, but didn't even mind exploring parts of the same town he lived in. He just wanted to explore. 

The diner was a cozy little mom and pop place. The tables had red and white checked table cloths and cute fifties music played in the background. They found a booth and sat. Rather, she sat and he slowly maneuvered himself down. 

"Is it bad?" she asked.

"It's getting worse. The aches are setting in. But it's nothing a little breakfast can't solve."

From the back of the restaurant came a loud voice. "John! You’re here! Hey Joe, John's here!"

Rose turned to see a portly woman wiping her hands on an apron. She hustled over to their table. John smiled brightly at the woman. "Elinor, it's great to see you. I'd like to introduce you to my... to Rose Tyler. I work with her."

Elinor gushed over Rose and hugged John. He stifled a gasp as she gripped him tightly. 

"John, you haven't been in for a while, we've missed you." She turned to the back of the dining area. "Haven't we missed him Joe?"

A head popped up over the counter. He was like the male version of Elinor. "Yes we have. Hi John."

"Hi Joe," John called, turning back to Elinor. "Well sorry I haven't been in. You know, changing jobs and all. But we're here now."

"Ok then the usual for you?" John nodded. "And for the lady?"

"I'll just have oatmeal with fruit if you have it... and coffee. Oh, and separate checks please." She fixed Elinor with a warm smile, missing that John frowned when she asked for the two checks. 

"Alright then it'll be up soon." Elinor turned then turned back, moving close to John's ear and whispering loudly, "Oh I like this one John. You make a beautiful couple." She then winked at Rose and headed to the kitchen.

John was blushing furiously. 

Rose couldn't resist. "She likes 'this one?' So how many other girls have you brought here?”

John ran his hand through his hair ending with it on his neck. "Gods, I just brought one g-girl here once. It was years ago. It was for lunch. She was new in HR at my old department and the ladies set it up. They forced me to go. And it was a disaster."

"Why?"

"Well the girl, her name was Reinette, she had very refined tastes. So going to a little greasy spoon for lunch was not her cup of tea so to speak. I thought it would be fun to bring her somewhere cozy to talk, but she didn't think the same. I think Elinor got her order wrong on purpose just to see what she would do. She ended up loudly complaining. She wanted to leave before I was finished. Then she left."

"What happened?"

"I never heard from her again that was for sure. But she left the department after that. Someone said she got a sugar daddy."

"I'm not surprised. So she was the only one?" Rose tried to look calm, stirring cream into the coffee that Elinor had just put on the table. 

"Yep, but they never let me live it down."

Rose smiled to herself. 

John's interpretation of "a little" breakfast was different from Rose's. Elinor delivered his “usual” which was eggs and bacon with a huge side of pancakes. Rose was happy with her oatmeal and fruit and watched him. John ate it all though, except for the bite he insisted Rose take of his pancakes. 

As Rose sat across from this man, someone she had barely just met, something came to her. It was the idea that she was comfortable with him. There was no awkwardness one would find on the first date, no lulls in conversation or anything. He was like a best friend and a brother, as well as something else all rolled into one. The 'something else’ was what tickled her mind. She wasn't sure just what it was yet. 

"Rose?" he asked. She was called back to reality. John was standing next to the table, ready to go pay. "I asked you a question. You were miles away."

"Sorry John, I'm here." She stood too and followed him. 

"I was asking for your check." He held out his hand expectantly. 

"No." She held it firmly. 

"Listen, you stayed all night with me and literally held my hand. I owe you."

"No you don’t. I don’t let anyone pay." 

He leaned in, his voice low. "You don't have to prove anything to me, I'm just repaying you for being so kind to me. Now hand it over before I cuff you."

Before she could stop it, she replied, "What if I would like that?"

John stared back wide eyed and Rose nearly died on the spot. She froze and he took the opportunity to take her check before she could recover.

"Uh John, I didn’t mean... that… I just..." she faded off, completely at a loss for words. 

John just snorted. "That's good. I'll have to remember that one."

At that moment Rose couldn’t tell if she was being let off the hook or if he was playing in. He paid for her and   
led her out. 

"So Rose Tyler," started John, holding the door open for her," you said you like to run. How about we meet tomorrow for one? I get so bored running, I could use a partner."

"You get bored running?"

"Oh yes, my mind wanders, I lose focus and all that. Last week I found myself in an old book shop about a mile away from my apartment. Stupidly I brought money with me and then ended up having to haul about twenty pounds of books home."

"Wow that's distraction."

"Yes it is. Anyway, so how about it?"

"Can you run with your stitches?"

"Oh I imagine so, walking doesn't pull on them do I don't think jogging will."

Rose pondered the invitation. Just the thought of spending more time with John was intriguing. Though there was something on the periphery, something she couldn't quite grasp. It was hard to think straight in his presence. He was almost intoxicating. 

"Rose?" he broke her from her reverie.

"I'm sorry John, yes. Tomorrow? I can pick you up."

"Nah, just come over, we can go from there."

OoOoO

It was agreed that Rose would come over at ten the next day and John would pick the route.

That day, John was ready to go hours before and found himself pacing his apartment. He thought about Rose, how nice it was to be with her and wondered if she felt the same way. It was possible she was just being nice. That was a thought he didn't want to entertain for sure. 

Truthfully John didn't feel much like running. He was sore all over from the scratches and the stitches, and he hadn't slept well because of it. Well, that and the nightmares. He had had them since the bombing. Some days they were OK, but others they were not. Last night had been bad. He had dreamed about the boys, the looks on their faces just before the bomb blew, this time his wounds added to the horror. He hurt and that translated into feelings of being stabbed with shrapnel. Just like he had been on that night. He hadn’t told Rose the whole truth. He actually had been badly injured in the blast. He had ended up having abdominal surgery to remove pieces of metal. He had been hospitalized for a week. Somehow it hadn’t made it into the news and for that he was grateful. No one needed to know he was hurt too. He didn’t want the sympathy. 

OoOoOo

As Rose eased her car into a spot at John's apartment building, she looked around. Beside the fact that they both were police officers, it could be dangerous running in a neighborhood such as this. It was all about situational awareness and not putting yourself in a bad spot. It only invited problems. Before she could even open her door there was a knock on her window. 

She looked up to see John grinning at her and waving. She opened the door, returning his expression. 

"Hi there Sarge! You ready to run?"

Rose was going to chastise him for calling her “Sarge” again, but realized that he was using it as a term of endearment. "Sure, where to?"

"Oh I'll show you. Follow me." He waited for Rose to lock her car and took off, Rose at his heels. 

Rose wasn't used to running and talking. Her runs were usually a mix of hip hop music and hard rock piped into her ears. She as alert to her surroundings but not engaging. But this was different. John actually asked questions and talked as he ran. It was almost as if he wasn't even breathing hard. Rose marveled at this while trying to keep up. He kept a running commentary of various things, talking about people he knew along the route, what he had seen before and problems that had arisen. Before she knew it, they had run out of the "bad" area of town and were in a much greener, open space. They came across the crest of a little hill and Rose stopped. Below her was a little valley, more like a basin. At the bottom was a little lake with ducks, benches scattered around and crisscrossing pathways going in several directions. 

John had gotten ahead of her but he stopped and jogged back. Rose looked at him. "Where are we?" How come I've never been here?"

"Well first off, you tend to work on the east side of town, not the west, and also this area has a very low crime rate. It's not easy to get in or out of first off and the homeowners near here have a great block watch. I stumbled upon it a while back. Now I run here a lot."

Rose got a devious grin. "Oh you do, do you? I'll race you to the lake then." With that she was off like a shot down the hill. 

John yelled, "Hey that's not fair!" after her but pursued. His long legs allowed him to close in on her but she wasn't stopping, even as she neared the water she was at running full out. She realized her error too late when she was at full speed and the water was only feet away. Just as she was about to step, or rather fall in, strong hands grabbed her by the shoulders and pulled her back, turning her around. The two of them toppled back onto the grass, Rose landing face down right on top of John. 

"Whoa there!" he said, wrapping his arms around her to keep her from hitting the ground. 

Rose could feel his muscular body under hers. He was quite strong for his thin figure. He held her close and it felt... good. She lifted her head to look him in the eyes and was met with the sexiest grin she had ever seen. It was completely disarming and she found herself smiling back. 

They were very close. Close enough for her to feel his breath on her cheeks as well as feel the heaving of his chest. Well at least she knew know that he was breathing hard. Neither moved for a few moments until John slowly began to lift his head. Rose countered by bringing hers down. Their lips were mere millimeters apart when Rose realized exactly what was about to happen. 

In a swift move she rolled over and off him, hopping up to her feet. She hoped that he wouldn't see the deep blush that had creeped onto her face. John lay there, a little surprised then recovered, jumping up too. 

"Well that was ... fun..." he said, scratching his head.”I suppose we should head back though. I don't want to tire you out!"

"You'll never tire me out John." Rose gave him a wink. John smiled and turned and started back up the hill, leaving Rose to dwell on what just transpired. She started after him, but her mind was on fire. The feeling of him just was right. Like they were made to be together. On the other hand, he was in her squad, and she couldn't. Not as his supervisor. But then again it felt so right. Nothing had felt like this in a long time. He was so easy to be with, funny, charming and generally mood lifting. When he talked, pretty much all the time, it wasn't ever bragging or condescending. Just stories about people and places. He could even make a story about his last trip to the grocery store interesting. 

That all was exhilarating for Rose. And also scary. She hadn't even thought about being with anyone for years, and now literally right in front of her was someone she could run away with at this moment. She caught up and ran behind him on a narrow stretch of path, enjoying the view for a little while. Then chastised herself for ogling him. What was she, 16 again?

The fact remained though, he was something, and she didn't know what, but something. But that was something she needed to be extremely careful about. She was his superior and needed to be safe. They had just come so close to kissing. She knew that they were heading into dangerous territory and it was perplexing and also exciting. 

OoOoOo  
As they got close to John’s apartment again, Rose was no closer to an answer to her quandary. That fact alone was unsettling. It was rare that Rose found herself not knowing what to do but she did now. She didn’t like the feeling either.

Back at her car, Rose hurriedly opened the door and sat in the driver's seat. John came to the window, confusion on his face. "Are you OK?" he asked, once she had rolled down the window. 

"Yeah, sorry. Thanks for the run, but I forgot that I had to do something. It was great though. You were great. Um..."

"I had fun too Rose. You are a good running partner. I'd love to do it again. So tomorrow?"

"No, I can't" she countered. John's face fell. So she finished. "I have court at ten. I might be done late, then I have to do laundry and get ready for shift. It's kinda a full day."

"OK." John stepped away from the car. He was clearly still a little confused. "I'll see you later then." He tried to sound enthusiastic. 

Rose pulled out and gave him a cheery wave, which he returned, but with less enthusiasm. 

Driving home, Rose had a talk with herself. She knew she had to let him down easily, maybe someday they would be in a different position and they could date or hang out at least without getting into trouble. Now wasn't that time. 

Behind her John kicked rocks as he went to the entrance of the building. His thoughts were all over the place too. He winced when a drip of sweat got into one of his wounds. Actually that had happened a lot on the run. They stung badly but he wasn't going to stop. Something about being with Rose Tyler made him never want to stop. He could have run with her forever, he realized this about half way in. Then she was on top of him. That was nice. Really nice. Then she was gone. 

He replayed over and over again the events of the day. Where had he gone wrong? Had he said something she didn't like? He had said a lot of things, he rambled a lot, especially when he was a little nervous, like today. 

Whatever had turned her around was fast. He literally saw her move away right in front of his eyes. Maybe she hadn't thought of him like that. Maybe he was too forward. But Rose Tyler was a special someone and he wanted to get to know her a whole lot better that was for sure.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is, my first smut. It isn’t totally smutty, but is enough to earn the rating I think. I’m sure you will agree that I needed to go there to move the story along. Please let me know if you like what I’ve done. For those of you who prefer the angst, I can assure you that it is coming and it will be wicked. I’d sure like a comment to two to make sure I am doing ok with this. I know I didn’t front load it with angst, but you may need a seat belt in coming chapters. Enjoy this for now!

The court appearance Rose was to make was supposed to be a slam dunk. Like all police officers, she had to testify frequently when perpetrators she arrested came up for trial. She had lost track of all the times she had had to appear since she had been hired. The suspect had been caught red handed by her six months ago, but the process of getting him to trial had been a long one. But Rose anticipated a quick questioning of her and she would be on her way. That was until she saw that the suspect had pulled in a slick and smarmy lawyer, who proceeded to badger her for two hours. He asked everything, including her grades at the academy, her service record and a whole slew of things aimed at making her look bad. 

Rose prided herself on her ability to hold herself together. And in the court room she did just that, firing back at the lawyer with each answer. Finally after being in front of this legal firing squad, the judge told the lawyer that was enough. Rose was thankful but thought he should have done that at least an hour and a half before he did. They recessed shortly after that and the prosecutor, who she knew well, came up and gave her a pat on the back. He knew the other lawyer was just being an ass because he could. It didn’t make Rose feel any better though. 

She had had a clean record and had always done well, but having someone question your abilities was always hard. The urge to defend yourself was strong and he monopolized on that. 

Rose didn't even go change before heading home. She craved a hot bath, a trashy novel and some lunch, not necessarily in that order. 

Rose lived in a tidy little house in a well maintained neighborhood. It was a rental but she loved it as though it was hers. Home owning wasn't something she was ready for yet, especially since it was just her. But when she saw this little house up for rent she jumped at it. There was a cute yard out front compete with a large oak tree and a porch swing. She didn't have to do any lawn maintenance, since that was covered in the rent, but she still found herself planting flowers in the spring. 

The square footage wasn’t huge, but it had two little bedrooms, a living room and one bathroom. The kitchen was small too. But for one person it was perfect. She could have someone over and be comfortable, but she rarely did. 

After taking off her bulletproof vest that was worn on the outside of her shirt, she tossed it on the couch. Her gun belt was hung off a chair. She secured her weapon in her gun box and went to see what she could drum up to eat. She opened the fridge and frowned. It was depressing to say the least. She had mustard, a wilting salad, butter and a few sodas. She sighed heavily and shut the door. Maybe a shower would help. 

As she was starting to take off her shirt, there was the ding of the doorbell. Instinctually Rose looked to the box were she put her side arm but opted to look out her peep hole before over-reacting. 

What she saw made her laugh. Seemingly anticipating that she would be looking out at him, John stood there holding two bags out, wearing a goofy grin. 

Rose opened the front door but not the screen, and peered out at him. "Can I help you?"

"Yes ma'am! I thought you may be hungry, I mean after court. So I thought I would bring you food. You know, since you showed me your favorite place to eat, I would show you one of mine. Well I have several favorite places, including the diner, as you know..."

Rose cut in, "Alright Smith, you can take a breath." She let him in. "I have never known someone who can ramble quite like you."

John winked at her. "It's a gift, the gift of gab." He went into the kitchen without further invitation and started setting things out on the table. "This is all from my favorite barbecue joint. It's in Gallifrey, but it's all still hot."

"You brought me food from the next city over? How? You have no car."

"Oh the owner loves me. His boy was getting into a little trouble, but was a good kid. I saved his cheese once by driving the kid home in my cruiser once instead of arresting him. His dad never forgot. So he delivered me."

"I'm sorry, what? Did you have it delivered?"

"No, I had me delivered. I went there and he made the food and drove me here."

“You are insane."

"Yes I am Rose, but doesn't a little madness make for interesting conversation?"

"It certainly does." 

"Um but how did you know where I live?"

"Oh I have my ways."

"Jack told you?"

"Yup." He popped the "P". John motioned Rose to sit and again went about making himself at home. He pulled down plates and got napkins, then asked about drinks and Rose motioned to the fridge. 

Finally he sat down right next to her. "Let's see, we have pulled chicken, sweet potato fries, onion rings, corn bread...I didn't know what you liked." 

Rose squirmed a little at the closeness but John didn't seem to notice. He did it under the premise of setting up her food. Having him next to her was nice though. Even though she initially was a little uncomfortable, it quickly became very nice. John had no boundaries, no pretenses. He was just there. And that made him instantly likable. But he was so sweet too. Being around him clouded Rose's vision, but in a good way. 

The food was fabulous. Rose found herself deep in conversation while enjoying every bite.

"No, John wrong!" she screeched. "The roadrunner was smarter than the coyote. He said he was a genius but was actually dumb."

"Oh no no, you are wrong. The Wil. E. Coyote was the true hero. I never gave up. He just had difficulty finishing his work, as many of us geniuses do."

"You're a genius?" she asked, sandwich halfway to her mouth. 

"Yup, but I use my powers for good. I love making things, figuring out the inner workings of things, figuring people out. You know, puzzles."

Rose chewed slowly. She swallowed her bite before asking, "Have you figured me out?" Her eyes had widened considerably.

John gave her a little warm smile. "Why yes I have."

"Well then, let's have it."

John took a deep breath. "You, Rose Tyler, are an incredibly driven woman. You have few friends, but the ones you have are close. You like the feeling of family and run your squad like one. You also have an eye on the future. You want to move up. So you take very calculated steps to get there. You are afraid of very little. But mostly you are afraid of someone close to you being hurt and you not being able to be there." He stopped and took her in. Her face was frozen in place, her mouth slightly open. "Tell me I'm on the right track, Rose."

Rose shook her head a little. "You are right... I mean exactly on point. How do you do that?" 

"I like people. I like to learn from them. It can be the difference between taking them off a ledge and not."

Rose nodded, then took another bite of her sandwich. They ate in silence a moment before she noticed John looking at her. "What?” she asked self-consciously. 

"You have some sauce... on your face." He motioned to her cheek.

Rose picked up her napkin and wiped, but evidently missed it. 

"Here, let me." John took his own napkin and began to work on her cheek. Then he moved it down, slowly drawing it across her lips. Rose sighed lightly. He was right there, right in front of her. She could feel the warmth of his body. His hand didn’t move and she leaned into his touch. He moved forward slightly, bridging the gap. Their lips touched ever so gently at first. Quickly they began to come together with more pressure until it descended into a full on make out. John held her head, running fingers along her scalp and she reacted in kind. They were locked together so tightly, it was only when Rose nearly ran out of air that they separated. 

They took each other in, both flushed, lips swollen from the kiss. 

"Wow," he uttered.

"John," she started. "That was ... unbelievable. But I'm your superior officer. We can't... but oh Gods I want to."

John sat back, but extended his hand to put on hers. She instantly curled her hand around and inter-twined their fingers. "So, you like me?" he asked, rather child-like. 

"Of course I do."

"But yesterday you bolted on me. I wasn't sure."

"I did because it was overwhelming. I've been attracted to you since the moment I met you, John. But I had to keep my distance." 

"So what do we do?" John was drawing closer again.

"I don't know." Rose was too.

They were on each other so quickly it startled them both. But they moved into a rhythm soon after. John delighted in the softness of Rose's lips and the sweet smell of her hair. Rose loved the way he maneuvered his lips on hers and the scratch of his slight stubble. 

They kept at it until Rose banged her elbow on the table. "Ow!" She broke the kiss. "Ok, we need to move, this is getting painful. 

John nodded, never taking his eyes off her until he started to gather the trash from lunch. Rose helped, watching him walk to the trash bin, and admiring the view.

John noticed. "Like what you see Sarge?"

"Mmm don't call me that, not now," she purred, coming up and hugging him from behind. "We need to talk about this though."

"I know, let’s go sit." He pointed to the couch.

Having cleaned up, they sat, knee to knee, facing each other, hands held. 

"This is kinda fast for me. I've never kissed a guy so soon," Rose began. 

"Liar." he smirked at her.

"OK I may have but not recently. Things you did as a kid don't count. You get a clean slate when you turn 25."

"I see." His warm brown eyes examined her face. His close scrutiny didn't make her uncomfortable though, as she was doing the same. He delighted in the smoothness of her skin, mapping out the places that he would like to give kisses.

Meanwhile Rose enjoyed all the freckles he had smattered across his cheeks. They stood out more now that he was blushing a little. 

"John," she spoke, squeezing his hand. "Since I met you I have been intrigued by you. I want to get to know you better, but not in a work sense."

"So enters the problem."

"Yes, so it does. I can't date someone in my squad. I mean you just started."

"Can I move squads?"

"Not without calling all sorts of attention to yourself. No, we have to keep it cool for a while. If we want to keep going after that, you can switch. I'll look at the policies, but there are other couples here and there so there have to be some allowances. "

"But for now, I mean right here?" He inched closer.

"No one else is here now." Rose lurched forward and pinned him down to the couch. 

"Youch!" he called out.

"Omigods did I hurt you?" She pushed back up.

John chuckled. "No, I landed on your vest and your badge poked me in one of my cuts."

"Are you OK? Did it tear your stitches?"

"Nope, not one of the stitched ones." With that, he pulled her vest off the couch and set it on the floor. 

In an instant, Rose was on him again.

Finally minutes later they pulled apart. "Wow," he uttered.

"Yeah," she breathed. 

Suddenly they both got embarrassed. 

"I haven't..." he started.

"Me neither," she continued.

"In a long time," he finished, then fidgeted until he was facing forward. "Um Rose, is this... thing... we have, is it a good idea?"

"What do we have John?" She mimicked his movement. 

"I don't know. What I do know is that I like being around you, and I have recently come to find out that I like kissing you." He turned back to her. 

She turned too and laughed. "Funny, I have come to the same conclusion. But John, we need to be careful. Nothing like this has ever happened to me before. I've never been with someone in my squad. I mean I dated Mickey for a while but I wasn't his superior then."

"Can this be something?”

"I don't know, John. I feel like a hormone infused teenager. I don't usually react like this. It's a little embarrassing if you have to know."

"Maybe we were just meant to be?" John started rubbing his neck. 

"But in the department's eyes, it's a breach of policy as of right now. A big one. We could both go down for it."

John blushed furiously at her choice of words. She caught on and did the same. 

"I'm willing to do anything for this, that is, of course, if we think this is going to be something." John asked, shifting closer to her again.

Nodding, Rose moved in too. "I guess we should just play it safe for now and see where it goes. I mean you could find out tomorrow that I'm a horrible person and you don't want to be around me anymore."

"Oh I highly doubt that Rose Tyler," he said, leaning in close again.

Rose sat back quickly, taking him by surprise. "But John, really we need to be careful. I like this, but you know how much my job means to me. So we can't let on anything. Not, at least, until we figure ourselves out. I like this and I like you, but it is so early. So no touching at work. We have to maintain a healthy distance. People pick up on things really well there, plus my squad knows me well. "

"So no kissing in the locker to room?"

"Nope."

"How about kissing now?" He began to crawl towards her.

"I think that would be fine," she whispered.

John advanced on her, this time pinning her to the couch. It wasn't long until hands began to wander. John's hand found its way under her shirt and cupped her bra covered breast. Rose groaned at the touch which only spurred him on. Before she knew it, his hands snaked around her and her bra was removed. To this she hissed. 

For her part, Rose's hands reached around and caressed his muscled back. She lightly scratched him up and down and he growled into her mouth. She slid her hands down and slid them into the back of his waistband. Finding it a little tight, she reached forward and made quick work of the front button. Then she reached around and resumed her work. When she grabbed both hands onto his firm butt he nearly lost it. His lips went to where her neck and shoulder joined where he laid many kisses. 

Rose whispered, "No hickeys."

"Not even a little one?"

"Not there."

With that John pulled back. "Challenge accepted." He lifted her shirt and went about sucking on the top of her right breast. She groaned loudly at that. John abandoned that action immediately and took her nipple in his mouth. The sudden change made Rose yell out, which only made John work harder. Rose bucked up and it became very clear as their pelvises ground together just how into this John was. 

One of Rose’s hands slid under his briefs to grab onto his butt again, and the other one slid forward, still under the fabric, to cup him. 

John immediately lost focus and popped off her breast. He took her lips again pushing his pelvis hard against her. 

Roe laughed. "So is little John there ready to go?"

"He's not so little and oh yes he is."

Rose pushed John up and back, taking in the hunger in his eyes. "Hang on."

She got up, rather unsteadily, and ran to her bedroom, only to return a moment later with a familiar foil packet. "Come down here." She pulled a blanket onto the floor and barely had time to spread it before John was on it. He made quick work of his pants which still hung loosely from his hips, and was going for his briefs when Rose stopped him. 

"Let me." She carefully reached under the elastic and tugged them down, freeing his impressive cock. John was sitting with his back against the couch. Rose gave him the condom and he ripped it open with some difficulty, mostly because she had grabbed him and was stroking him as he tried to work. 

He hastily rolled it on though, and just as he finished she gave him a look. "Are you ready for me?" She asked kneeling before him. She pushed him onto his back on the floor. 

"Are you ready for me?" John reached out and pulled off her panties. Then began to gently move his fingers through her soft curls as she kneeled before him. Rose held him by the knee as she mewled. John's fingers found their mark, entering her ever so gently. First one then two.

"You're so wet," he whispered. 

"John can I..." she started.

"Please," he growled.

With that Rose climbed on top. She allowed his member to tease her entrance for only a second before taking him in all at once.

John groaned loudly. "Omigods!"

The dance continued quickly, Rose riding him and him bucking. She came almost all the way off and slammed down again and again, the two of them finding a good, yet brutal rhythm.

John's hand made its way between the two of them in between thrusts and swirled skillfully around the erect nub at the center of her pleasure. 

It didn't take long, soon the thrusts and breaths came more ragged. 

"Rose, I'm gonna..." John started.

"Me too,” she finished. They both came crashing down together, both holding onto each other for dear life. When they stopped John winced as he reached in between them and held the condom as he slipped out of her. Rose rolled off to his side.

They found themselves nose to nose on the floor, both out of breath. 

"Wow," he said.

"Wow," she repeated. John's eyes slipped closed, lost in the moment when he felt movement.

Rose had gotten up to use the restroom. She came back with a wad of tissues for him. He reluctantly reached down and removed the condom and cleaned himself up. 

OoOoOo  
Rose sat next to him and he wrapped his arms around her.

"I think we may be moving a little fast," Rose said, finally resting back and not realizing he was mirroring John's thoughts. 

"Ya think?" he answered and they both laughed. Rose could hear his voice deep in his chest as she snuggled closer. John continued. "I can't say I don't agree. That was fantastic. Wow was that amazing."

Rose chuckled. "We can't carry on like horny teenagers. Don't get me wrong I could do that all day, but we have to be cautious. Plus we barely know each other."

"We know what we look like bare..."

Rose sat up and punched him on the arm. "C'mon John. I mean it. I think maybe we should slow down… I don't want to say it. Because you were just so amazing, but we have to make sure this doesn't go south. 

"I'd like to go south on you."

"John be serious."

"I am." He winked at her.

Rose smiled. “You know what I'm talking about. We need to take a breath. That...that was the best I've had in a very long time. But we can't keep it up. We'll be found out. "

John hung his head. "I know." His head popped up again. "So here's what I propose. We go on a couple of dates. You know, dinner, movies, whatever. Kinda put on the brakes so to speak. Then we see if this is something we want to act on, I mean beyond the sex. But the department is a no romance zone."

Rose smiled, taking a breath. "I agree. I actually don’t know what came over me. It's unlike me to just jump on someone."

"It’s no problem." He pulled Rose into another kiss. 

"I should take you home." She mumbled against his lips. 

"I'm not ready yet." he answered, again cupping her breast. 

Rose's hand slid down to John's still bare groin and took hold of him. "You're ready for something."

With that, John once again pulled her on top of him. 

OoOoOo

Two hours later Rose dropped John off at his apartment.

He opened his car door, leaned back to her and gave her a searing kiss. He got out and came around to her open window. "So tomorrow after shift I'll come by ok?"

"For our date?"

"Yes, dress nice but casual."

"But John, what about us being seen?" 

"Oh don't worry, I have a plan already," he replied with a wink. He leaned in and gave her another lingering kiss, to which she nearly crumbled. This time though, she let him pull away. 

"Till tomorrow," he whispered.

"Yeah," she answered, smiling widely.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew! What a week and weekend! I didn’t think I was going to finish polishing this one. If it is riddled with errors can I have a pass? At least the continuity will be there even if the English is sketchy. Thanks to all those who gave kudos and comments. They really help the process. This time we get a glimpse of a wedge that may be forming between them. Then in the next installment, I hammer the Great Wall of Angst in. So enjoy yourselves, we are in for a bumpy ride. This is a long chapter. I just couldn’t bring myself to break it up though. I think I have attachment issues. Please comment!

Work the next day was an exercise in control for both of them. Rose had assigned John to finishing up any little things he had to do with HR as well as catching up on online trainings. He then had to man the desk for walk-in complaints. Mainly he had to deal with property damage and stolen credit cards. Normally this job was for officers on light duty like himself, so it involved very little moving, something that was very hard for John to do. It was boring and made the day move slowly. On top if it all, he still hurt. If he moved the right way his vest rubbed one of the cuts and he had to sit on his legs which irritated the stitches. Overall it was shaping up to be a literally painfully unexciting day. 

The bright spot was that Rose had a few things to do at her desk and stayed close most of the day. She would come in with him periodically to answer questions. At one point she was knelt next to him when he had questions about reporting damage to a mailbox. Having her close again was distracting to say the least. She smelled so good, he found himself breathing deeply. He warm arm brushing him as she reached to show him something nearly threw him completely off track. He found himself staring unabashedly at her as she drew closer. That's when Jack walked in. 

"Um, Rose?" he asked. Rose jumped back away from John and whipped around to face Jack.

"Oh Hi Jack." She glanced back at John, who had swiveled in his chair to see them both. "I was just... helping John with… something."

"OK." Jack looked unfazed, but raised an eyebrow before he recovered. "Well anyway I was hoping you can give lend me your expertise on something."

"Sure, I'll be there in a second."

Jack nodded and left. They could distinctly hear whistling when he left. 

"Is that going to be a problem?" John asked, still seated, looking up at Rose.

"I don't think so. Jack has his own things that happen form time to time. He usually uses a lot of discretion I trust him. Plus he may just be being a pain."

John sighed and turned back to the report that he was writing. "OK, boss, if you say so."

He felt hands on his shoulders and Rose get very close to his left ear. "I do say so." With that she let her hand trail across his back as she left the room. John shivered after the touch and Rose giggled. 

OoOoOo

Rose knew what she was doing. She also knew that it was wrong. Very wrong. But John, he was perfect. She hadn't felt this way in such a long time. He just got her, no one ever had like he had. It was like they were made for each other. But they couldn't, not when he was in her squad. It was also entirely possible that they couldn't be together at all. She found the prospect of that deeply frightening. 

Wait. What was she doing? It had been three- no- four days at this point. She couldn't start thinking like this. They hadn't even figured out if they were compatible. Well there it was. They had to decide what they both wanted before they could do anything official. There was no sense in jumping the gun, so to speak. 

She snuck a look back into the room where John was working. He had brought in a mother and child. The little girl, who looked about eight, had a bandage on her hand. Rose guessed they were there to report a dog bite. She saw John lean towards the girl and hand her a badge sticker with a huge smile. The girl smiled back. Rose mirrored the girl’s expression. This man was nothing short of perfect. He could talk to anyone, as he said, but it was what came out that was amazing. He was the warmest, most entertaining, sexiest man she's ever laid eyes on and she had to be very careful not to lose him. 

Jack whistled again from across the room catching her attention. Rose turned away from John and hustled over. Jack eyed her as she travelled over and for a few long moments after that before starting on what he called her over for. Rose intentionally didn't offer any explanation, but felt very strongly that Jack was on the verge of pulling her into a broom closet and asking for details. 

Before anything could happen there was a flurry of activity in the room. Rose and Jack popped up. There had been another armed robbery. This time there was a fatality. Rose and Jack exchanged looks. The both knew what was happening. If this was the Master, he was escalating. 

OoOoOo

 

Rose responded to the call and did what she could, but because there had been a fatality, a security guard, there were a lot of higher brass on scene. That left little to be done after the investigation, which was mostly by the CSI. Also the call happened about midway through her shift so she cleared the scene and was back at the station with plenty of time to meet John. 

As she quickly changed into street clothes she realized that she hadn't heard from John, save a text saying "See you tonight." To which she promptly replied "Yes" before going back to witness statements. 

As far as that was concerned, as per the usual, no one saw much. No one saw anything other than saying that he was about 5'8" tall, but that seemed to be different with a few people too. Some claimed it looked like he had thick soled shoes on. Some thought he had blonde spiky hair but only caught a glimpse when his hood slipped. It was frustrating that people were such bad witnesses, but Rose got as much information as possible as efficiently as she could. It was hard though, the urge was to charge through but she swallowed it down, knowing that John would understand if she ran over. 

Back at home Rose took the world's fastest shower and was blow drying her hair when her phone went off. It was a text from John. "Hey did you fall asleep? I'm knocking on your door."

Rose jumped. She hadn't heard him because of the hairdryer.

Without thinking, she ran for the front door. It was only when John's eyes swept up and down her that she realized that she was still wrapped in her towel. Instantly Rose blushed and grabbed the top of the wrap. "Oh!" she exclaimed. John wore a huge grin. He was dressed in a brown suit with little blue pinstripes. His hair was nothing short of magnificent, messy yet perfect. On his feet he wore dirty white Converse. Rose had never seen someone look so handsome. 

John laughed, his eyes sparkling. "Sorry, I guess I should have gotten here a little slower. I was just excited to see you."

"Um let me just get ready." Rose turned and ran for the bathroom. 

John called after her, "Hey just for the record, I think you look beautiful even without being ready. And if you would like to change our plans for tonight and repeat what we did last time, I’m totally OK with that."

"You're funny," she called from the bathroom. Rose hurried through her preparations. 

She emerged about ten minutes later ready to go. Her hair was down around her shoulders but had curled it so it hung in loose waves. She had picked out a bright blue dress with spaghetti straps on top and a loose skirt on the bottom that hung just below her knees shimmering in the light. On her feet she wore cute strappy black sandals that had a little bit of heel. 

At first when she came out John had his back turned, playing with his phone, but the swish of her skirt made him turn and his jaw dropped. "W-well hello there!" he stammered.

"Hi back," she answered, giving him a tongue touched smile and taking him in again. Just the sight of this handsome man made her pulse quicken. He was nothing like the typical cop figure. She could tell he was strong and in good shape, especially since she had seen his legs in that hospital gown. But when he was dressed up he looked, in a word, beautiful. 

John was having a similar crisis in front of her. He had to swallow to compose himself.   
"Are you OK?" she ventured.

"Yes but I think I may have just won the lottery. Are you sure you don't want to just stay in?" He waggled his eyebrows at her, though still was visibly flummoxed. 

"Not even." She slapped him on his arm. "C'mon then, where are we going?"

John seemingly recovered and took her hand. "We, my dear Rose, are headed to the best Italian food place in Gallifrey. It's a little place that is just perfect for a couple who... umm are not wanting to be in the spotlight."

"Lead on," she enthused, squeezing his hand.

Rose drove, again. Getting to the restaurant took a while, it was about a thirty minute drive. To Rose though, it took thirty seconds. Being with John was like having a time machine. She never felt time pass. This time he was telling her about when he was a boy. As it turns out, both his parents died when he was eighteen, but before then he had been relatively happy. His parents were strict and weren't very engaging, but he found a lot of fun in exploring. He grew up on an expanse land his parents owned and he had the run of the place. He was an only child and played around his home, building forts, encountering wildlife, tinkering in their barn, and generally being a boy. He told her about devices he made, much to the ire of his father when he found out what the boy had cannibalized to make them. But he spoke of his childhood positively, and it more than explained what made him the man he was. 

They pulled into a very small parking lot adjacent to a very old brick building. Rose leaned forward and looked quizzically at it. "Um are you sure it's here John?"

"I'm positive. I called earlier. They're expecting us." He hustled around to her side once they parked and opened her door, gently taking her hand. 

"You know John, you are better than a book on tape. That car ride seemed like nothing. "

John grinned. "Stick with me Roe Tyler and you'll never be bored again."

"I can't imagine I will be." 

The parked and had to walk about a block to the restaurant. John explained that there was little or no parking in the area. He led her to the front of the building and a nondescript black door through which she could hear music. There were windows, but they had curtains and she couldn't see in. A little sign hung over the door. "Luigi's" it said in peeling paint. 

Rose couldn't help but think that this place was a dive, and without a sign wouldn't last long. That was, until John opened the door. 

They stepped through the door into a huge dining room. Rose couldn’t help but be taken aback. There was no way this place looked so big from the outside. They got two steps in before a booming voice came over the other diners. "JOHN!" a big beefy, yet short man yelled. He was in a silky red shirt and black pants, hair slicked back with numerous thick gold chains around his neck. It occurred to Rose that he looked like every Italian stereotype in the book. The man was yelling again. "Mama! John’s here! And he brought a lady!"

The room was filled with people dining and the all turned to Rose and John. Rose was instantly mortified by the attention, but John was just the opposite, he strode over to the man for a bear hug. "Nice to see you Antonio. This is my... friend Rose. I mean my... um." he stumbled over his words. 

Antonio didn't miss a beat. He was at Rose's side a moment later, taking her into a hug. "Oh we're all family here. Welcome!" Antonio was in his thirties Rose guessed. Behind Antonio, a plump woman emerged. She looked just like him but smaller. She whacked Antonio with a towel. "Get out of the way!" she yelled coming around the man, and staring right at Rose. She sized her up with ah apprising eye. 

She huffed and furrowed her brow and just as Rose was starting to fight the urge to run, she smiled. "John, she's gorgeous. She'll make beautiful babies for you." 

John tuned a lovely shade of deep red. "Um thanks Mama, but we're just starting to date..."

"Oh nonsense, Johnny, I can see it in your eyes. She's the one." She turned and have John a crushing hug. "Now sit, both of you, I made your dinner special." Without another word, Mama turned for the kitchen, and Antonio led them to a table by an unlit fireplace with a mantle that was crowded with family pictures. 

John pulled out Rose's chair. 

"John?"

"Hmm?" he answered.

"Do you know everyone, and do all the women always want you married off?"

John took the seat on the side of the table nearest her. "Yes I know everyone, that was part of my job, and people just kinda adopt me."

"Lemme guess, you got Antonio out of trouble."

John shook his head, "Actually it was Mama. She was causing trouble with a neighboring restaurant. They were all health food, you know vegan, nuts and berries etcetera, and thought Mama was too loud. As you heard, she only has one volume. Anyway, they kept calling in noise complaints. Plus this place gets pretty rowdy when all the family is here. So I had to figure out what was happening and explain that to the neighbors. But they only lasted another month or so anyway. The Uber healthy stuff apparently doesn't fly in traditional neighborhoods. But anyway, I met Mama and she told me her story. She was never disrespectful to them. Finally I got her over to meet them and they ended up being OK. But Mama told me I was too skinny and insisted on feeding me. I got hooked. So I would pop in from time to time to make sure things were OK here. One time I walked in on them being robbed."

"Really?" Rose asked, leaning in closer.

"Well, Mama had the guy cornered in the kitchen. She hadn't even called the police yet. She was giving the guy an earful. He was crying. " 

"So you arrested him?"

"Yeah, after I let Mama say her piece. She told him this was not a way to live his life. "

"That's funny, she's full of it."

"Oh you have no idea. Anyway, they guy came back and apologized after serving his stint at county. Now he works as a dishwasher."

"Are you serious?" 

"Yep, he hasn't missed a day of work. She’s teaching him to cook."

Before Rose cold even react, Mama came out with heaping plates of lasagna. Antonio followed her with salad, bread and wine. 

John gave her a wide eyed grin and motioned her to dig in. Mama stood watch for a few minutes to make sure everything was good. She didn’t have anything to worry about as the food was unbelievable. John and Rose talked very little because of it. Rose didn’t even know how to react. She had never had food like it before. 

Having their fill, Rose and John finally sat back. Rose sighed. "I'm going to have to run ten miles to even put a dent in the calories I've just consumed, but my stomach has never been this happy. Thanks for bringing me here."

John smiled and took a sip of wine. I just want to show you all of the places I love. There is a lot for you to learn about me yet. It's going to be fun showing you."

"Ok John, so if there is so much to learn about you, then tell me something. Ya know, something I don't know. "

John smirked. "You first. I can't think of anything on the fly. I'm too boring."

"You are not boring, I assure you that, but OK. I was a bronze medal winner in gymnastics when I was a kid."

"Do you still do gymnastics?"

"Nah, I realized that it was going to be tough on my body, plus it got expensive when I got into high school. It's not like I was heading for the Olympics or anything, so I quit. "

John leaned forward. "But I know from experience that you're still limber."

"Very." Rose winked, laughing out loud. "OK, I've shown you mine, now show me yours."

John was not quick to recover from the rapid fire innuendo. "Wow," was the most intelligent thing he thought to say. Rose waited patiently for him to come back around. Slowly, but while staring into her eyes he did. 

"OK, mine is a little nerdy."

"Shoot," she fired back. 

"I've written a book, well almost two, and I have three more in the works."

"What?" Rose, who had been reclining in her chair sat upright. "You're an author? What do you write?"

"Why crime novels of course! I take pieces of stuff I've seen and mix it all up. Then sometimes when we catch someone and I realize maybe what might have made them do it better, I write that. It's a lot of fun."

"So are you writing a how-to manual for criminals?"

"No way, but anyway most of the people I arrest aren't big readers. My main character, Alonzo, is a gritty street cop who is very intuitive and solves all sorts of crimes."

"A street cop?"

"Yeah, they want him to move up to detective, but he doesn't do well, he likes to be on the ground."

"I like it. So are you publishing?"

"I've had a few bites but nothing big yet. It's kinda a hobby still. They feedback I’ve gotten has been mostly positive, but they say it still needs something. I’m working on the ‘something’.”

You have two books almost done and three more on the way. It sounds like more than a hobby."

"I guess so. Well ok, enough about me, now something about you" He leaned his elbows on the table and came in closer. 

This game lasted for another hour. John learned that Rose never went to college because she was expected to be a cop. Rose learned that John hated pears and that aspirin made him sick. Rose told him that she will always eat fish and chips, and John said that he needed to eat a banana per day, no matter what. 

Antonio came and went, taking plates. After a while Mama took a chair and pulled it up to their table. She bugged John about being too slim, told him that he didn't visit her enough and that he needed to bring Rose back another night. John just nodded and smiled. Mama sure could dominate a conversation. 

When they stood to go, Mama hugged them both, but she pulled Rose's ear close. "You take care of my Johnny. He needs a good woman. He likes you too. I can tell." 

"I will," Rose whispered back. She turned to John. "I had fun. For not having family, you sure have a lot of crazy relatives.”

“Yes I sure do.” He slid in their chairs. 

“John, I'm gonna run to the restroom for a second." Rose said, starting to walk across the dining room. 

John nodded. "I'll meet you in the front.

Rose made her way to the restrooms and as she reached for the women’s room handle she heard the front door open. Then a familiar voice. "Well Officer Smith! Fancy meeting you here!"

Rose's blood ran cold as her head whipped around. Standing at the entrance was Captain Noble with her husband Lee. John was standing paralyzed at the door, a stupid smile on his face. Without thinking, Rose ducked into the bathroom, if for nothing else to get out of her captain's line of sight. Rose could hear conversation between the two of them through the door. It was short and concise, very much like Captain Noble operated. After a minute her phone buzzed. She looked at it, it was a text from John. "Coast is NOT clear. Don't come out. I'll create a diversion. "

Rose was trapped, she texted back. "OK" nervously standing in the small, luckily locked, bathroom. Her heart was in her throat, if they were caught… oh it was too horrible to contemplate while hiding. But suddenly all that food turned into a rock in her stomach.

A few seconds later came another text. All is said was "NOW, go through the kitchen."

Carefully she eased the door open. The Captain and her husband were sitting across the room, both with their backs to her as John introduced them to Mama. Rose made a break for it, scooting through the kitchen and into the alley, then finally around to her car. John showed up a minute later, laden with to-go boxes. Apparently Mama forced all sorts of leftovers on them

"How did you do it?" Rose asked, helping him load.

"I leaned in and gave Mama the skinny really quickly. I told her that you and I were a secret and that this lady couldn't know, and that you needed to get out. It was her idea to have you go through the kitchen."

"That's really good, but I suppose Mama has to have people leave quickly periodically."

John smiled. "I try not to think about it."

Rose got behind the wheel and took a deep breath. “Do you think she saw my car?

“No, they parked the other way I think.”

Rose let herself breathe for the first time.

She shot a sideways glance at John and forced a yawn. "Omigods it's late. Our shift will come early tomorrow."

John grinned, sitting in the passenger seat. “I know, but spending the time with you was work it.”

Rose didn’t answer. When he looked over at her, it seemed as if she had gotten a little paler. John opted not to pry. On the car ride, Rose was noticeably quiet. Not silent, but looked as though she may be thoughtful. John didn't want to force her, so he watched her from time to time, but also allowed himself to get lost in his own thoughts. 

Finally after she pulled into the lot at his apartment, she spoke. "That was really close. We could have been found out. I mean if I had walked up there with you it would have been over. "

"I know," was his quiet answer.

"We have to be really careful, John. I mean who would have thought she would come all the way to Gallifrey for a late dinner?"

"I know," he repeated. 

"It's only going to take one thing. Anyone could discover us. It could be Jack."

"Jack won't rat us out."

"I know he won't, but if he sees it, others might too."

"I suppose." John hung his head. Just as Rose was about to reach for him, he popped his head up and his lips were on hers. It wasn't as passionate as before but it was pretty good. Rose had to pull herself away. 

"Gods, John, we… need to get ready for work…and I need to go."

John nodded, his eyes on hers, brown pools surrounded by features that showed he understood. John sadly got out of the car but ran around to her side, where he promptly kissed her again, this one shorter. She seemed to not be reciprocating as much. 

Rose wiped her mouth. She looked down as if thinking, the looked back at him. "Um John, please don't take this the wrong way, but I think we may need to cool it for a few days. I mean I like kissing you, a lot, but I need a little time to think. I don't want this to take us both down."

"I see." John stepped back. 

"No John, I was literally kissing you thirty seconds ago. I obviously like it. And I like you. But we are on thin ice here. I need to figure it out. I loved tonight, it was perfect, but it also was almost tragic. We can't be caught. People are going catch on. So can we take a little time out?"

"A time out?"

"Yeah, like a pause, just for a few days. But let's maybe plan something for our days off. Maybe a little trip or something?"

"So we can't be seen?" John had a strange expression on his face.

"Yeah!" she enthused. 

Rose almost missed it, a little shake of the head. But John put on his happy mask not even a second later. "OK then Rose, I'll see you tomorrow."

"Ok, till then." Rose reached out but John had already turned. She watched him walk away. He may have been tired, but Rose noticed that he didn't have the usual spring in his step. She knew why, but also that putting distance between them was important for now. She only hoped it would not end the best thing she’d ever had.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m terribly sorry this is going up late. For my penance I offer you a HUGE chapter. There was a massive amount of ground to cover and I just didn’t feel like breaking it up. As for my tardiness I blame Christmas cookies. Specifically the lack of them in my home and my need to remedy that. I also leave you with a cliffhanger, for that I apologize. I promise, though, to rectify that very soon. Maybe before Christmas. The next chapter is written but still ugly. I’m hoping to have a bit of time to shine it up. Thank you for your kind comments and kudos. Please feel free to tell me if you like what I have written. If you yell at me enough about the cliffhanger I may even find motivation to post earlier. Stranger things have happened.

John let himself into his apartment and tossed the keys on his table. He then went to his bedroom, stripped to his underwear and dropped on his bed. Sleep should have been the next thing but he felt like it wasn’t in the cards. His head was just too full of thoughts of Rose Tyler. Before that evening he couldn't stop thinking about wanting to be with her. Wanting to further their relationship, thoughts of maybe even starting a family and a life together. He couldn't help it, it just fit. It was like this relationship was pre-approved to work. Beyond the instant attraction, there was more. She was a magnificent, strong woman with a good heart and a great head on her shoulders. She was stunning too, no matter what she wore or didn't, for that matter. But he smirked again thinking of seeing her in the towel. That had been a welcome surprise.

But Rose had taken a turn tonight, right at the end of their date. He raked his hand through his hair. It was as if a switch had flipped and now she was having second thoughts. Being almost caught by the captain was sobering if not terrifying for him too. He knew how important it was to maintain a work relationship, but if they were careful they would think of something. They had made it out tonight, they could do it again. As far as work was concerned, maybe John could switch divisions or something. All he had to do was not be her direct subordinate. But tonight was close, too close. If Rose hadn’t run to the restroom they would have had a lot of explaining to do. They had been so open with Mama, she could have easily said something too. Suddenly John felt cold. He had the distinct feeling that things were trying to do south. He just had a really funny feeling though that things were about to go south. 

It wasn’t only almost being caught though. There was something else. Then the thought slammed him. He had basically asked to meet her family. She came from a long line of cops. They would see that she was his sergeant. She was also hoping to promote soon. They were new together. Was she going to have to sacrifice what they had, as little as it was, for promotion? Or was he just a toy for now. Something to be with and play with but cast away when she needed to? He couldn't imagine that was the case. Rose wasn’t like that. Her feelings for him were as strong as his for her, right? But it could be. He hadn't known her long enough to know what she was capable of or if she had true feelings for him. It certainly felt like she was as into it as he was but there were so many factors at play. That was the scary part. 

OoOoOo

Rose painfully turned her car out of John's parking lot and steered back to her place. The near miss with the captain was far too close. Sure they got away, but if anything had been different it wouldn’t have gone as smoothly. Then they would have had to try to explain themselves. Captain Noble was no fool. She would have seen right through them. 

On top of everything else, something he had said struck a chord. He wanted to meet her family. She didn't have many people for him to meet, her mom and uncles, but that meant that it was real. He was really part of her life. It also meant that they could get in real trouble. It may mean that she would never be able to promote at work. She had worked too hard to get where she was to have it all yanked away by a lapse of judgement. But John, was he a lapse? He felt too right, all the time. And he made her feel good, both about herself and about life. He had the right things to say, he handled her so well. It could not have been more perfect from the start. 

But yet it was wrong. She should have never let it happen in the first place. She had let her heart get in the way of her head, and she hadn't done that in a very long time. 

Rose blew out a long hard breath. She needed to sort this out. Rational thought was difficult around him though. It was enough of an effort just to not stare at him all the time. He was magnetic, he drew her in and she had no power to resist. That was dangerous though. If she were to think of it like a supervisor, how she regarded John could put them both in the line of fire. She may not be able to get past her feelings for him to get the job done. If he was injured would she be able to keep going? These were things taught to her early on. How to survive, how to fix the problem and make smart decisions. It had gotten her this far, but John was a crack in the armor. She knew it she didn't think as clearly around him. There were so many parts to it; being caught, making this a real relationship, and then being able to work as a cop through it all. Rose could feel the sheer weight of it all pushing on her chest. 

Rose sighed heavily as tears began to fall. She angrily wiped them away as they blurred her vision. She knew what the answer had to be. This had to stop. Gods, she didn't want it to, and the thought of stopping what they had felt akin to trying to stop a train. She wanted to ride with him, be with him, but she knew that their situation wouldn't allow it. Not now. She pulled her car into her driveway and rested her head on her hands, sobbing. Something that otherwise would have been so perfect couldn’t happen. 

Flashes of John flew into her thoughts. Him with that little boy on his shoulders, both of them grinning, him sprawled in the rose bushes looking pitiful, then him in that hospital bed asking to hold her hand. Finally the picture of those deep brown eyes staring back at her, his want clear, as they made love for the first time. 

She had to end it. Life with John would have been perfect but she was not in a position to be able to have something so wonderful. It was a hole she knew she had dug for herself. She had chosen this life, she knew the path she wanted to take and carefully laid out the road, never thinking that there could be a fork in that road. 

She had to end it, and do it soon. Then maybe later, after she had promoted and done what she needed to do, if John didn't hate her forever, maybe down the line they could be together. That was, of course if someone else didn’t come around and find out what a treasure he was. What was she thinking? He already had the eyes of the whole department. No, he would find someone, someone without all her hang-ups. Someone who may be willing to change to be with him, and wouldn’t be terrified to be found out. He needed someone better. That was not her. She needed to let him go and meet the right one elsewhere, they couldn't go any further. 

She dragged herself up her front steps, dreading each footfall. John would be better without her. She was damned to a career path, a path she had knowingly chosen for herself. But in all the planning she had forgotten one thing, and that was that she needed to leave room for someone else to join the journey. Now someone was here and she had to let him go so she could move on up the ladder. It was about to be a much lonelier climb.

OoOoOo

Rose and John were to start back to work the next day and Rose literally had to force herself to go. The decision to end it with John was hard enough, but getting up the courage to do it was even harder. The prospect of seeing him again at work was not making it any easier. She wondered constantly when she should do it. No time ever seemed to be right. Mercifully for Rose, there were major incidents early in each shift and she simply wasn’t at the station much. If she did go back though, she knew he would be there. John was still on “light duty” waiting for the day to get his rosebush incurred stitches out.

When she was there at her desk or somewhere in the station, she caught looks from John. He looked like he was looking at her to try to get a response. Oddly, she hadn’t gotten any texts or calls, but hadn’t sent any herself. She thought that maybe he knew something was amiss. At least as of right now she could pass her not talking to him off on just being busy. She did wonder, though, why he hadn’t reached out. It made it easier, but at the same time it was as if he was struggling with something also. 

One thing she did notice from across the room was that his demeanor had changed. He wasn't as sunny or bright as usual. Even at a distance he looked down. 

As usual the squad went out for drinks before their last shift day, but John was noticeably absent. Rose had heard through Mickey that had something to do. Rose wondered if that was true or he was just avoiding her.

Like a rock suspended over her head with an unravelling rope, Rose knew she needed to get to him sooner rather than later. She needed to let him know where she was coming from and what she had decided. But Rose had to get up the courage to do it. 

OoOoOo

John was home while all the others were at the bar. He knew that he should have gone, but simply didn’t feel like it. He knew what he had thought and hoped that she hadn’t gone a similar way. He hadn’t reached out for that very purpose. If she had called it would have let him know that everything was alright, but she hadn’t. She had made no attempt to even see him. 

He was sitting at his table with takeout from Mama’s. He smiled as he took the items out of the bag. Of course there were huge helpings, that wasn't a surprise, and also a dessert he hadn't asked for. Mama was always trying to put meat on his bones. 

He was glad he had gone and had taken a few minutes out to talk to Mama. She had picked up on the fact that he was unhappy right away. Even though he wasn’t much of a sharer, he realized he had no one else to talk to and gave her a brief rundown of Rose's flip. Mama sat on the stool by the front register and shook her head. 

"Mama, I don't know if it’s the career thing that has pushed her away or if there is something else. But that is all I can come up with. I mean it felt right, perfect in fact."

"I know Johnny, but nothing can stop true love. You will find a way. She's stupid if she walks away from you. I don't think she is though. I saw how she looked at you. She likes you. Give her time. She has to decide. In the meantime be there if she needs you. Don't get all mad and angry. No one likes a mad face. She loves the one you have, I can tell, don't make it ugly."

He thanked her and gave her a kiss on the cheek while hefting his food in the bag. As well as giving him food for his hunger, she gave him food for thought. Yeah even if Rose wasn’t ready for him, he needed to be there and let her know how he felt. There might be a way, but they would have to find it together. 

OoOoOo

Day four of their work shifts was much like day three. Rose held briefing in the morning and John had to stay behind until his stitches were out. This time he spent all day with an elderly couple that felt like they had their identity stolen. Their money wasn’t coming in like it had, neither one of them understood how to look online nor was the bank being much help. After five hours of combing through ten years of bank records and receipts, John figured out that they had closed one of their bank accounts but forgotten that they had. Their social security was being deposited into another account entirely. He ended up finding tens of thousands of dollars that they didn't know they had. They both began to cry when he put it all together for him and thanked him profusely. John was gracious while he walked them out. As he closed the door behind them, he caught a glance of Rose. She had looked over at him. He couldn’t help himself and grinned back. Rose blushed and turned away and John’s grin dropped. 

OoOoOo

Finally the fifth consecutive shift day came. It was seven days from when John had fallen into the rose bushes and he took an hour off during the day to get his stitches out. To his utter happiness, he was also cleared by the department doctor for full duty, effective immediately. The first thing John wanted to do was to find Rose. But then again he didn't. He had to tell her anyway, if for nothing else than to get an assignment. John ached to be back out there. He had six hours left in his shift and intended on working them. He walked back into the station to find Rose at her desk working on something. He was in the process of coming up on her when a voice came booming over the room.

"Tyler, can I see you please?" Everyone’s heads shot up. It was the unmistakable voice of Captain Noble. She stood in the doorway to her office. She was normal height for a woman, but what she didn't have in stature she made up in attitude. Today she had her ginger hair down around her shoulders and she wore a black button down shirt, black slacks and black shoes. Despite the mono-chromatic nature of the ensemble it looked stylish. As per her normal posture, she had her hands on her hips. She didn't wear an angry expression, but one that always looked as if she had something better to do with her time. 

She surveyed the room and huffed, turning into her office with Rose on her heels. When the door was shut, everyone relaxed. The captain had a reputation of hanging people up by their thumbs if they misbehaved, but was very efficient and strong. She did a great job and everyone knew it, though no one had the guts to crack a joke in front if her for fear of having their face melted off but her intense glare. 

John had a seat on a bench at the back of the room to wait out of the way. 

OoOoOo 

Captain Donna Noble sat at her desk and motioned Rose to sit. From the moment Rose had heard her name called, her heart was in her throat. She knew, she had to know. Why else would she call Rose in? Rose was not one to be terrified, but at this moment she was as close as she could get. She nervously pulled on the sleeves of her uniform shirt as the captain took a sip of coffee.

"So Sergeant, how are things?" Captain Noble started. 

Feeling the weight of the Captain’s stare, Rose swallowed. "Oh they have been great ma'am. No complaints."

The Captain put down her mug. "How's that new officer, um Smith?"

Rose blanched, here it came. "He's doing well ma'am, he is intuitive and really knows the rules and laws. He's like an encyclopedia. He has all but finished his orientation. I'm ready to put him back on the road when he is medically cleared."

"I see. And he's integrated well into your squad?"

"Yes ma'am." 

The captain took in a long breath. "Rose I want to ask you something. Well but first let me make an observation."

Rose's heart stopped. 

"I see before me a young woman who works extremely hard at what she does. She follows regulations to a “T” and generally keeps her nose clean. Her officers like and respect her and she follows suit. Am I accurate so far?"

Rose slowly nodded, not sure what exactly she was being drawn into. 

"So I ask you, what do you want?''

"Huh?" Rose sputtered, "I mean I'm not sure what you are asking."

"I mean Tyler, what do you want from this department?"

"Um... I suppose I'd like back what I put in. Is that what you are getting at?"

Captain Noble laughed out loud, fixing a much warmer gaze on Rose. "What I'm trying to say is that I think you would do well testing for lieutenant. The actual test is about two months away, but applications are due at the end of next week. I think you have a chance at it. You have a clean record, good reviews from your peers and you are smart. You’d be the youngest one applying for it, but what you lack in age you make up in ability. With a little studying, the test should be a breeze."

Rose let out a breath she didn't know she was holding, making the captain laugh again. 

"What Tyler, did you think you were in trouble?"

Rose eagerly shook her head, trying to make the intense blush that had invaded her features leave. "No, but... thank you ma'am. I was hoping you'd recommend that I do it. I wasn’t sure if you thought I was ready."

"I do, just keep yourself out of trouble and I think you may have a good chance at it."

Rose stood and shook her superior's hand. "I will, thank you ma'am."

With that Rose turned. Her feet weren't even touching the floor as she came out into the room into the stares of all the people assembled for various reasons. All of them trying not to look at her. 

Then Rose caught sight of something that made her heart sink. John was sitting at the back of the room looking up at her hopefully. The cloud Rose had been on dematerialized as the saw the man who she... wanted to be with, but now more than ever, couldn’t. If anyone found out, her rise would be over. She had worked her whole career for this, and this man, this wonderful man, could send it all crashing down simply by letting nature take over. It couldn't happen. The finality of it hurt. She just hoped he would understand. 

She took a breath and started towards him. Now her feet felt like lead weights. She almost missed the commotion around her. She was feet away from John when she felt a hand on her arm. 

She whirled around to find it was Jack. "Rose, did you not just hear me? It’s the Master. He went after the witness again. He shot at the security team."

"In broad daylight?"

"Yes and he is on the run though. They think they have him cornered or at least contained."

Rose thought for a moment. "Ok I’ll go too. Jack, you guys are at the end of your shift."

"My guys are already on their way too.” 

Rose turned to head out when John's voice popped up. "Um Rose, I'm cleared, can I come too?"

Hearing his voice after not talking to him in days made her stop in place. Perhaps not hearing it was a good thing, because when she did it made it difficult to think. Trying for the easiest answer with little involvement she barked, "You're with Jack. I'll meet you there." Then she ran off, leaving the boys in her wake.

"That was weird." Jack uttered. 

"Yup." John countered, popping the "P".

"C'mon John it will be just like the academy, you and me together again.” 

"The world will never be the same," John called after his friend. 

OoOoOo

John and Jack jogged down to Jacks patrol car. Jack though, stopped at the passenger side an indicated to John to drive. "You wanna drive? I prefer to be chauffeured."

"By all means Sergeant Harkness."

The both got in. John continued. "Yeah Rose never lets me drive when we are together." He meant in a patrol car, but Jack jumped on it. 

"You mean even when you guys are in her car?"

John froze. Slowly he drew a breath and looked at his friend. "So you know," he said in a carefully controlled voice.

"Of course I know, you dip. Separately you two are two of my closest friends. It was easy to see when you two started being together. You tried to be subtle but were terrible at it."

"That obvious huh?"

"To me. Listen, John, I get it. Rose is hot, even by my standards. She's also smart and very, very good at what she does."

"But..."

"But you can't, not now."

John heaved a huge sigh. "I know. Lately she has been putting distance between us even though we haven’t been able to talk about it." 

John pulled the patrol car onto the street as Jack alerted dispatch that they were available and were immediately assigned to the staging area of the scene to await further instruction. 

Jack sat back in his seat and looked at John. "How did it start?"

John sighed and started. Jack could hear clearly the sadness in his voice. "I was attracted to her the moment I saw her. She drove me home from the bar on the very first night and I was hooked. Then I got hurt and she stayed with me for the whole night. It was like nothing I've ever been through. It was like we just clicked. She got me right away, but gave some of herself too. It felt like we were old friends but also felt new and exciting. I felt energized. Then we kinda got closer. We did a few things together and it was like 'Zing!' here she is, the woman of your dreams. She felt it too, or at least I think she did."

"So you've already slept together?"

"Jack, really? You had to go there?"

"It's my nature."

"I don’t kiss and tell.” Jack scoffed loudly and John turned bright red. 

“So you have, was it everything you’ve dreamed of?” Jack stage whispered. 

“Still refusing to give you any details, yes… it was amazing. But then after our last dinner together she pulled away. We haven't really talked since, heck she barely has made eye contact with me since.”

Jack rubbed his face. "John, I've going to give you two bits of advice, each of them opposes the other."

"OK..."

"First as a police sergeant, I'll tell you to top this relationship. It's against regulations. Stop it before it blows up in your face."

"Jack..."

"Let me finish. The next bit is from Jack your friend. You need to talk to Rose, figure it out. It you two want to be... well you two... you will have to have a plan. I don't know if you can move somewhere else in the department and escape it, you may need to move to the sheriff's office or highway patrol. "

"I just moved."

"I know, but if you have what you think you have, then you need to preserve it. Talk to her. I'll also give you some news. Captain Noble has recommended Rose test for lieutenant."

"And you know this how?"

She called Rose in and Rose came out smiling like she had just won the lottery. I put two and two together. Plus I may have been a little close to the window and heard something." 

"Oh that's what that was about."

"Yes. So right now she has to be super careful and not stray at all from the regulations. She has to be squeaky clean. If anyone finds out about you two, she’s done. "

"That would even explain more. It’s just so suddenly weird. I mean, it was so great then it felt like it just ended. The more time that passes since we last talked makes me wonder if she was into it at all."

"She was, I can tell. She needed to put on the brakes though. I mean you guys could’ve tried to hide it, but it never works. And Rose could so easily be accused of favoring you above others. Plus there is always the distraction of having your hot butt around."

"Really Harkness?”

"John, I never pass up a free shot. I just wish you were into men."

“Nope, no dice on that one."

"Pity. But no matter what John, you need to try to talk with her. I think this thing is salvageable."

“That is if this ‘thing’ as you say, was ever anything and she wasn’t just playing with my emotions.”

“Stop thinking like that, John. Rose isn’t like that.”

John shook his head slightly. “I hope so.”

John steered the car into the area designated as the staging area. It wouldn't be long before they had an assignment. He parked next to Rose, who was leaning against her car. Jack pushed John in her direction and quickly disappeared. 

Carefully, John approached and rested against his car facing her. Rose eyed him but didn't say anything. 

"We need to talk," John ventured in a low voice.

"Not here, not now, "she answered, looking at the ground.

"Just hear me out. I promise to keep quiet." John stepped a little closer. 

Rose raised her voice slightly and slowly brought her eyes to him. "John no. Everyone is close. Not now."

"Fine Rose,” John’s brow furrowed. His frustration visibly grew. “I just need to know one thing." 

She raised her eyebrows.

"I need to know if I was imagining it."

She looked around and didn't answer. There were several officers milling around, also waiting. "John let me make this clear, I can't talk about his right now. Please respect that."

"Was I?" John asked again, leaning towards her. 

"Sergeant!" A voice called from the other side of her car. They both jumped back. It was the Captain. How did she get there so quickly? She approached them with hurried steps. "The Master is on the run. They think he is headed west. I want you and these two," she indicated John and an approaching Jack, "to head that way. He was last seen in black pants, a black hoodie and a mask. Some witnesses think he may have blonde short hair. 

"Yes ma’am." Rose nodded. 

"We're beginning to think he has a scanner or something. Or maybe he's being tipped off. Anyway, your search zone is going to come to you via text directly from me. Just head that way and I will send you directions. You guys follow her." She pointed again at the two men and turned to leave.

As the Captain walked away, Rose opened her driver's side door and John carefully caught her elbow. "We still need to talk Rose. I mean it." John could hear Jack getting close but didn't care. 

Rose stood back up to face him. She looked pained, yet angered. 

"You know what John," she hissed, her eyes set and her face reddening, "I wish you would just stop talking. Just for once shut up." She sat back down and went to close door but John stepped in the way, the sting of her words making him defiant.

"This isn't fair,” he ground out. 

"No it's not, just shut up and let me do my job." She stood again to face him, ostensibly to push him away. "John move." Her voice was a little louder. 

Jack had come up behind him. "C'mon John, we need to go."

But John held still, he was facing Rose but not looking at her. It was if he was looking past her. His expression had changed from frustration tinged with anger to curiosity. In a flash he stuck out his hand and shoved Rose with all his might into her car, the force of it causing her to crack her head on the doorframe. 

She screamed out in pain, but no one heard. For at that exact moment a shot rang out.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well I promised you two chapters and here they are. I feel bad for leaving you on a cliffhanger so I hope this will at least help. I have other chapters on tap and expect them to be up soon. I should be back on schedule for the next post. Thanks for your great comments, they definitely help the process.

Last time:  
For at that exact moment a shot rang out. 

OoOoOoOoOo

Flashes. Lights. Red. Blue. Amber. Pain. Blood. A lot of blood. Rose looked down at her hands, they were covered. Blood dripped off them into an expanding muddy puddle on the ground. She had it on her shoes too. Dust caked in it. She moved her foot. It smeared. She didn't know what to do. It all happened so fast. 

John was down, gasping, blood was everywhere, all over her, all over him. They were on him in a second, but she was too, holding his head. His eyes were glassy at first then shut. Hands pulled her away, more people near John. A lot of shouting, a few guns went off, there were people running but Rose couldn't. She didn’t know where to go.

John was taken away and warm hands held Rose. Those hands were feeling her head, pushing her hair from her face. Soon she was in ambulance too, but didn’t know how she got there. Inside it was calmer. A tall skinny man smiled down at her, he was talking. It took everything she had to listen. “Just looks like you have a cut on your head. I don’t think you’ve been shot.”

“Shot? Who was shot?” Her mind raced but words did not come right away. 

Slowly she came back. The man in front of her was a paramedic. He gently took her vital signs, put a little oxygen in her nose, after which she cleared faster. She was checked from head to toe as the ambulance rocked along the road. He only found the wound on her head. Now she remembered, it was a cut from where John had shoved her into the car. It was then that Rose knew. He must had seen him, the Master, and pushed her. He took the bullet that was meant for her. 

OoOoOoOo

Hours later Rose sat in the emergency department of the trauma center. When her head cleared better she was a little embarrassed to be there. She was wounded too, but most of the blood that covered her uniform didn't belong to her. It was John's. She tried to ask about him, but was put in a totally different section of the department. He was where the level one traumas went. In her area, the nurses moved a little slower, they had kind faces, offering her juice and a sandwich, even though she was uninterested. Worst of all they didn't know about what was happening to John. No one could take her to him. She wasn’t sure if they couldn't or wouldn't. 

Finally after an eternity, Jack shuffled in. His face was drawn and sullen. 

"Is he?" she asked, not able to choke out the last word. They both knew what she meant though. 

"No, he's alive. He's in surgery. The bullet went in through his armpit and out through his neck. They don't know what it hit on the way through. We'll know when he gets out."

“When he pushed me out of the way, that’s when it happened, right? Omigods, he raised his arm to push me out of the way, the bullet went in where his vest didn’t cover!” Rose pulled the sheet from her bed up to her eyes. She didn't want Jack to see her cry, but it was clear what she was doing. He gently pulled the sheet down and swept her into a hug.

"He'll be OK Rosie."

“It’s my fault.”

“It’s no one’s fault. It was a fluke of a shot.” With that, Jack climbed onto her bed with her held her, gently stroking her hair. At first she didn’t react but eventually melted into him. They didn’t talk at all, just stayed together until the doctor came into to stitch her up. 

Twelve stitches later and instructions for her "mild" concussion, Jack drove Rose home. She wanted to stay, but every limb hurt, her eye was swollen shut and she was oh so tired. She tried to talk Jack into letting her stay and wait with the others, but he didn't listen. There was no arguing with him tonight. 

On the way home he explained what they could piece together. It had been the Master. He had doubled back to the area they were staged in. He was watching from a stand of trees when John must have seen him. That's when he shot. John had pushed Rose out of the way when he saw what was happening, and taken the bullet himself. Then the Master ran. They chased him, at one time someone got a hand on him and ripped his jacket off, revealing blonde spiked hair, like they had thought he had. No one saw his face. He fired again and again at them, but didn't hit anyone else. Then he just disappeared. He was still out there and they were looking for him, but they probably wouldn’t find him. Everyone knew that. At least not now. Maybe later. The good news was that they had his jacket, more of a zip up sweatshirt. And if had a hood and that hood had hair in it. Now they had his DNA. 

OoOoOo  
Jack set Rose down in her bed and again laid next to her. "Why did he come back and shoot at us?" she asked, voice barely above a whisper. 

"I don’t know, maybe he's crazy, maybe he wanted to hurt us, maybe he was trying to send a message. No one knows."

Soon Rose fell into an exhausted sleep. But only after Jack promised to only stay a little while and then go back to check on John. 

OoOoOo

Rose woke the next morning to a pounding headache. She laid flat, unmoving, trying to acclimate. She put her hand to her head, suddenly remembering her injury. Then it all came back at once. The horror, the pain, John being shot, Rose not knowing where he was or what happened. 

She jumped to her feet only to be stopped by a wave of dizziness. She grabbed the bedpost until she recovered. The concussion was still as issue. She felt sluggish and fuzzy, but soon got her bearings and headed into her kitchen. She made strong coffee and forced herself to eat some bread while flipping on the television. 

Rose gasped. The local news was showing a picture of a smiling John. It was taken when he joined her department. There was a caption under the photo, Rose was afraid to look. Unwillingly, her eyes floated down. In big red letters it stated, "OFFICER SHOT, IN CRITICAL CONDITION."

Rose flopped onto her sofa, crying. It didn't say he died. But it took time for information to be released. At least for now though, she could have hope. 

Quickly she retrieved her cell and texted Jack. "I'm up, can you get me?"

Jack's response was almost immediate. "He's out of surgery. He lived. I'm waiting for the doctor. Take a shower, I will come get you after. Try not to get your cut wet."

Rose followed Jack's instructions, mostly because it was easier than coming up with conscious thoughts on her own. It was only in the shower when she realized that she still had blood in her hair and on her arms. As it made a crimson swirl down the drain, Rose wondered if it was his blood or hers that was being washed away. 

Crying in the shower had always been one of Rose's ways of coping. Today was no exception. This time though, she found herself on the floor of the shower, the water going cold as she wept. It wasn't her injury, it wasn't his, it was what she said, how sweet he had been to her, how he had pushed her out of the way. 

Wait, he pushed her out of the way. He took the bullet for her. A new waive of anguish poured over her. If it had not been for him, she would have taken that bullet. He had wanted to talk, positioned himself to block her door from closing, then he looked away. He must have seen the Master. Then he shoved her down. Now she was alive, and he was fighting. 

More sobs racked her body. She was being horrible, and he saved her. She had been only thinking of Rose Tyler, her ambitions, her needs. But John had been right there. He wanted to be a part of her life, and she had pushed him off. And now he could die. 

The shower had long gone cold before Rose found the strength to stand. 

Carefully she redressed her wound, putting an extra-large Band-Aid on it to cover it. She dressed in old jeans and a big loose sweatshirt, got a cup of coffee and sat to wait for Jack.

Two hours of flipping between news briefs and awful television shows, there was a knock at her door. Rose answered to find a bedraggled Jack. He was still in his uniform pants, but now just wore a white undershirt. He had dark circles under his normally shining eyes. He looked deflated and beaten. Without a word, Rose went into the kitchen and poured him some coffee. He sat on the sofa. Rose watched him carefully, not sure if she wanted to hear what he had to say.

Finally, after sipping the offered coffee he spoke. "Well he's doing OK, for now." Rose joined him on the sofa.

"Is he awake?'

"No, but they're not sedating him. He could wake any time."

"Why are you here then? He can't wake up alone!" Rose yelled, startling them both.

"Rose, do you think I'm an idiot? Mickey is there. John has never been alone in his room and that's not going to change. Mickey kicked me out though. Um, can I get a shower?"

It took Rose a moment to adjust to his switching gears so quickly. "Yeah, I have some sweatpants if you want them, oh and I still have that t-shirt I swiped from you after that charity event. If you give me your underwear I can wash them for you.

"Sure." Jack uttered, starting to strip on his way to the bedroom. It wasn't until she heard the water start that she realized he didn't make a crack about borrowing her underpants or using her shower. With Jack that meant something. It meant he was deeply worried. 

Rose washed Jack's undershirt, pants and boxer briefs in the sink and had them in the dryer before he came out wearing only a towel. 

"I need to tell you a few things, Rose..." he started, sitting on the couch.

Rose nodded, her thumbnail finding its way to her mouth. 

Jack sighed deeply. 

"Jack. Please, what is it? Did something more happen to John? Is there something I should know?"

"No, but I need to say a few things so you know it all. Rose, John loves you. I mean, I know it's been, what, a week or so? But he feels a deep affection for you. He said it felt like you were meant to be together. Like you were just supposed to be with him. He knows that you can't be together in your present situation. But we talked. He couldn’t figure out exactly what was happening between you and him. I told him that I thought the Captain had talked to you. He wasn’t ready to give up on you though. He called you the woman of his dreams. I have no doubt he would have cut and run to another department just so you could be together.”

Rose sniffed next to him, and he continued. “I also heard what you said to him. The part about wishing he would just stop talking. I just spoke to the surgeon. You need to know that you might get your wish."

"W-what?" Rose stammered. "Jack I was just talking! I would never... what do you mean?"

"You know how he had his hand up on our car? That allowed the bullet to go in through his armpit, through the top of his lung, and end up in his throat. Along the way it caused a lot of damage to blood vessels. It missed his heart though. But the swelling, he has massive amounts of swelling. It may strangulate his vocal chords. He may never speak again, well not normally. That is if he survives at all."

With that Rose put her head in her hands and started to sob. 

After a minute she took a shaky breath. "NO! It can't happen. Not like this. Jack I just needed him to lay off, I needed to think. I never would have wished... Oh Gods! What did I do?"

Rose felt Jack bring her into a hug, which she resisted at first. But his warm arms held tight. "Rose, I know you didn't mean it, but it happened none the less. Now we just have to be there for John. C'mon, I'll make breakfast then we'll go to the hospital."

Rose didn't have it in her to fight him off. Nor did she notice the semi-nude man in her kitchen cooking. All she could think about was John and how she may lose him, and if she didn’t, that she may never hear his voice again.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here is the second chapter.

After nearly force feeding her, Jack put his underwear and pants back on, but also the shirt Rose offered. He helped Rose pull her hair into a ponytail and put her in his car.

The ride to the hospital was near silent, each of them lost in thought. Instead of parking when they got there, Jack left his car with the hospital valet and took Rose’s hand to lead her in. 

First they stopped at the ICU waiting room. It was all but empty. Everyone that had initially come to see him eventually went home to sleep or back to work. Jack picked up a white phone on the wall, put it to his ear and waited. After a moment he spoke. "Hello, this is Jack Harkness. I'm the power of attorney for John Smith. I also have his… girlfriend with me, can you let us in?"

Rose shot him a look as he hung up. "Sorry, Rose, the ICU is very controlled about who goes in and out. I had to say that."

She shook it off. "How are you power of attorney?"

Jack gave her a sad smile. "John doesn't have any family. When he did the human resources paperwork he put me down, also I’m listed as his next of kin. He joked about it, calling me his twisted older brother. Anyway, that's how I can talk to the doctors." 

Behind them they heard the double doors click open. They turned in unison and hurried through them. 

Jack took her hand again. The ward was very quiet. Rather than proper doors, each room had a large sliding glass door. Rose could hear varies beeps and alarms throughout, but the general atmosphere was hushed. 

Mickey stepped out of a room ahead of them. He didn't look any better than Jack. He gave Rose a weak smile. "He's doing ok. He's starting to stir. He may be waking up. "

Mickey stepped back and allowed Rose past him. The room was dimly lit, but she could see fine. The first thing she saw was the amount of machinery all around. She walked past it before her eyes fell on the figure in the big bed. She barely could recognize that it was a person and it certainly didn't look like John. For a second she wanted to turn and tell them that they were in the wrong room. But on closer examination she could see the familiar smattering of freckles on his nose and upper cheeks. His very pale cheeks. It was him. 

Gasping, Rose stepped back, only to feel Jack hold her gently. "It’s OK”, he whispered in her ear. 

Gently pushed from behind, Rose moved to John's side. Only then did she fully take him in. He was covered in a sheet, but it was askew. A container hung on the bed railing filled with pink fluid and bubbles. A tube went from it under the covers at his chest level. A thick blue tube trailed from a huge machine at her side to his neck. The tube was attached to a collar at the base of his throat. The machine was making rhythmic hissing and clicking noises. It occurred to Rose that John was being ventilated and she stiffened again. Her eyes drifted to his face and neck. They were hugely swollen, especially at the neck. His eyes were puffy too, but it looked like he might be able to open them. 

"Here, sit," Jack maneuvered her to a chair. "Let me explain a little."

Rose cut in, "Is he not breathing?"

Jack's face was soft, he leaned closer. "He's breathing on his own, but they were concerned with his ability to keep it up, so the ventilator is just assisting him now. They had to go in surgically and put in the tracheostomy tube. That's what is at the bottom of his throat. As he gets better and the swelling goes down they will take that out and it will heal."

Rose nodded slowly, eyes still glued to him. 

Jack continued, motioning to the container of pink fluid, "The tube going to this receptacle is a chest tube. His lung was damaged and partially collapsed. That’ll come out soon too I hope."

"And he could wake at any time?"

"That's what they think. You'll notice his hands are restrained. That's so if he wakes up confused he doesn't start pulling at things." 

"OK." Her eyes found the padded straps encircling his wrists. 

"Rose, he's doing OK all things considered. He just needs to heal now. Here, hold his hand. He may feel you and wake up." Jack took Rose’s hand and brought it through the bedrail to John’s. It was a little awkward at first, but she got it. "Talk to him," Jack encouraged. "I'll leave you alone. I have to talk to the nurses anyway. Plus one of the nurses is hot and I need to get his number before his shift is over."

Rose gave him a little smile and he left her.

Rose squeezed John's hand. "Are you gonna wake up John?" she asked, then felt stupid talking to the sleeping man. She was chastising herself for sounding like an idiot when John squeezed back. 

OoOoOo

"Jack!" Rose called. Jack was back in a flash with a male nurse in tow. "He squeezed my hand!" she squealed.

The nurse came over on the other side and gently shook his shoulder. "John? Are you awake?" he asked. There was no response from John.

The nurse looked at Rose. "Hi, I’m Joe. I’ve been with him for a few hours now. This is the most we’ve seen out of him. How about you try? He doesn't know me. He may react better if he recognizes the voice.”

Rose cleared her throat and tried. "Um John? Are you in there? It's Rose." 

Nothing happened for a second and Rose started to feel like she had just imagined it, then John stirred a little. 

“John?” she tried again. This time his head moved and he winced. 

"Try not to move buddy," the nurse said. “Just open your eyes."

Rose felt a tightening around her hand and looked up to see his eyes flutter a few times. "Come on," she coaxed. Again he tried, this time they opened. Rose let go of his hand and stood up so he could see her better. 

At first his eyes looked unfocused, but in seeing Rose, they cleared instantly and widened. He opened his mouth, but it looked like a fish opening and closing, his face taught. He started to wiggle and pull against the restraints, like he was trying to sit up. The ventilator behind Rose started to make strange noises. 

The hurried voice of the nurse came loud and clear, "I'll have to sedate him unless he calms.” 

Rose didn't know what to do. He was trying to get to her, eyes locked on hers, reaching as much as he could. She froze on the spot. 

Suddenly Jack's voice rose above all the chaos. He was at John’s side and put his hand centered on John's chest. "Hey John, chill. You’re in the hospital and hooked to about a million things. Relax and we can explain it all to you." John's eyes shot to Jack, who had now leaned in really close, pushing his friend back against the bed. "I mean it John, relax." There was a moment of tense staring, but John finally slumped back. Rose heard him take an assisted deep breath. 

John's eyes moved back to Rose. Now that he settled, she re-took his hand. This time he struggled a bit and she could see he was trying to adjust to interlace their fingers. He got there eventually and seemed to calm more. 

The nurse, Joe, spoke again. "John, I know this is scary, but do you know what happened to you?"

John nodded, now turning his sights on Joe. With his right hand, the one Rose was not holding, he moved his hand around and pulled against the restraint. Then he made the motion of a gun shooting. 

"Yes, you were shot. It went into your chest and diagonally into your throat area. You have a surgical airway in the bottom of your throat. That's because of the swelling. Once they get a can get a good look at all that is going on they can see if they need to repair anything or not. But right now we have to wait to see. That’s also why you are on the ventilator. Though now looking at you I figure it won't be needed much longer. You are taking healthy breaths. In fact, I'll go call the doctor. But first. If you aren't going to struggle and pull things, I can take the restraints off. What do you think?"

John, nodded ever so slightly and made a thumbs up gesture. 

"Good," said Joe. "The doctor gave me orders to give you a sedative if you get anxious or confused. That way you don't hurt yourself. But as long as you behave I can set you free."

Again John nodded. 

Joe made quick work of the arm restraints. He watched as John carefully felt his face and around the airway on his neck. He used a feather touch, just checking things out. Joe seemed good with it and went to make his phone call. 

Finally John laid his hand down and took Rose's hand. It was only for a second though. As he watched her, a moment of realization came over him. Suddenly his eyes were bright. He carefully reached up to her head. She didn't move and he gently touched the bandage stuck to her forehead, then trailed his fingers down across the swelling keeping her eye from opening all the way. His eyes got wide. With his other hand he tapped his chest and pointed to the bandage. 

For a moment Rose was confused, then it hit her. He was asking if he had hurt her. She took his hand that was touching her and held it. "Yeah, it's from when you pushed me out of the way." John frowned. "It's nothing though, really. You got me out of the way."

She watched as John's face fell even further. Then tears formed in his eyes, falling unchecked. Rose stood and wiped his cheeks, which only seemed to make him more miserable. 

As Rose looked down at John, his face screwed up in silent sobs, it dawned on her. He was crying because he had hurt her. No matter that he had done it to save her life, but it was hurting him that he caused her pain. She knew the emotion was possible because of all the medication he was on, but he looked so tortured. She could do nothing to stop him. Jack was still at his side trying to console him but not making any progress either. 

Without warning Rose’s mind flipped back to the last thing she said to him. She had wished out loud that he would stop talking. Guilt hit her like a train. She jumped back away from him. The respirator behind her started to wheeze and struggle under John's duress. His eyes were on her, tears still flowing, but now he was pleading. 

Rose knew what she had done. He would not be in this position if she hadn't forced him to be. He was trying to talk to her and she had cast him off. Then he got shot. Would she have taken the bullet if he hadn't? She would never know. But his hand had been up on her car when he was talking to her. She may have taken it in the vest, but he didn't. And now he was fighting for life. 

If she had just been nice to him, maybe talked another time, this wouldn't have happened. She had been selfish, only thinking about herself and this happened. She took another step back. John reached for her. 

"I can't," she cried, her tears now falling to match his. 

"Rose," came a cautionary call from Jack. 

"No I'm sorry." She looked to John, who was struggling to sit up, and to a shocked Jack, who was trying to calm John. 

Joe the nurse was at John's side in a second. "I'm sorry John, if you don't calm down I'll have to sedate you. You're gonna hurt yourself.”

John continued to fight though, like he would run to Rose if he could. The last thing Rose saw before she ran out the door was Joe pushing something in a syringe down John's IV line and John practically falling back onto the bed. His eyes, though, were on her.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok enough with the excuses, but along with gifts, Santa brought me one heck of a bronchial infection. I am though, convinced that I will never have to do an abdominal exercise again in my life. But it has made it difficult to get anything done. So I’m ignoring something else to edit today in order to get this puppy out to you all. I also will send it along with a friend. I think the two chapters compliment each other. Thank you for your kind reviews too. I’m always afraid I won’t hit the mark with an AU. If you haven't chimed in, l'd love to hear what you think. I'd like it even more if it was nice! Well wishes for breathing would be appreciated also. I'm getting a little "beggy" so I'll just leave this here and go...

Rose was cleared for work the next day, though her doctor wanted her to stay off for a week. She insisted she had no lingering effects from the concussion though. He begrudgingly allowed her to come back for desk duty only until the stitches in her head were out. It was enough though, enough for Rose to look busy. Being under the guise of being busy was all Rose needed. Calls from Jack went unanswered, even though she knew he would eventually find her. It was going to be hard to dodge him. 

Luckily for Rose, Captain Noble had approached her with a few projects to work on, so she was going to get to spend a great deal of time in other places in the station. One of those, that she was actually looking forward to, allowed her to help train some officers that were fresh out of the academy. That meant making up a few lesson plans, which actually helped her with something new to put on her lieutenant application. All in all things were looking up for Rose, but not everything. 

OoOoOo

The next day after disastrous visit with Rose, Jack went back to visit John. This time when Jack came in, he was happy to see John somewhat upright in bed. The ventilator had been removed and it just looked like humidified oxygen was blowing into the tube in his neck. There seemed to be less machines around too. The container of fluid was still hanging on the side of the bed, but there were less IV poles and monitors. 

"You look better," Jack said, smiling broadly and coming into the room. 

John nodded. The swelling had gone down a little on his neck too, allowing for more movement. He appraised Jack, who was still in uniform, and seemed to be looking behind him. On tray over his bed lay a pad of paper and a pen. He quickly reached for them and began to write.

"Rose?" he wrote. 

"Um, she's not here. Sorry, she had to do some things."

"Really?" John scrawled on the pad. The look on his face was curious, but mixed with sadness.

"I don't know John. I haven't seen her, and she's not returning my calls or texts. I don't know what she's doing. But really it’s just been a day, so…”

Furious writing started. John held up the pad again. "Did I do something wrong?"

Jack reached out and put his hand on John's arm. "Oh Gods John, no. You did everything right. It was just bad luck you got shot. But I think Rose has to assimilate what happened. She knows she wasn't very nice to you before it all happened. It’s hitting her hard."

More writing. "I remember it all. But she didn't do this to me. I want her to know that. I just wish she would come back to see me."

"I know." Jack sat down hard. 

Jack learned from John that the chest tube was coming out the next day and then he would be able to sit up and maybe move around a little, especially if he did well off the oxygen. Then he would be moved to another unit. He was looking forward to it, as the ICU was hard to relax in.

Jack then took the time to go through John's things. He found his apartment keys and phone, which was long since dead. They spent time together, mostly with Jack talking then them both watching a detective show on television until John drifted off to sleep. Jack left that day with a list of things to bring his friend, including books, underwear, his laptop, chargers and various bathroom items. Beyond that he had a written message to pass to Rose. It said simply, "Can you visit? -John". Jack promised to give it to her as soon as he saw her. 

OoOoOoOo

The next day Jack sought out Rose. It took some doing, but he found her in the dispatch center working on something. She flinched a little when he came in, so he knew she saw him, but didn't react or meet his eye. 

Undeterred, Jack pulled up a chair next to her. 

"I'm busy Jack," she said tiredly. 

"I know, you've been busy a lot lately."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You are dodging me here, you haven't seen John at all, and you basically disappeared. John misses you."

Rose put her face in her hands as if not wanting him to see her. "Is he OK?"

"If I tell you will you use it as a reason to not see him?"

"Please Jack."

Jack huffed. "Fine. He's better than he was. He's breathing normally, still through that tube in his neck but with no assistance, just oxygen. But he can't talk yet. I'm bringing him a lot of stuff tonight. I guess he must have been given a charger for his phone to borrow. He keeps texting me to bring more books. I'm going to get him a tablet reader on my way over tonight. I'm not hauling fifty pounds of books with me. I’m bringing him stuff from home too. He can’t swallow yet, I guess he has to have a test to see if his esophagus is injured. If it’s good he can eat at some point."

Rose turned to Jack and gave him a little smile. "I bet he's getting really skinny. They probably need to get him eating quickly."

"Why don't you see for yourself?"

"I can't."

"C'mon Rose. Why?"

"I'm not ready."

"He needs you."

"Jack, my life is very... complex right now."

Jack stood and tossed a folded note in front of her. "Whatever. I know you are preparing for the lieutenant test, I know you are busy, but I also know that you are hiding from your heart. Let me know when you figure out your priorities." With that he turned and left.

Rose stared at the paper before her. She knew what it was. She knew who it was from. She didn't want to see what it said. But she reached out, opened it, read it, and then stifled a sob as she hurried out of the dispatch center. 

OoOoOo  
That night Jack headed back to see John. He had been given a text that John moved down a floor. This time when he rounded the corner to his friend's room he broke into a wide smile. John was sitting up in a chair near his bed, glasses perched on his nose, reading a book. Upon hearing him enter, John grinned broadly.

The room was much different from his other one in ICU. John still had an IV line in that was on a rolling pole. It has multiple bags hanging from it. One looked standard, and another one looked white in color. The tube coming out of his chest was noticeably gone too. Around his neck he still had the blue plastic collar that had hooked to the ventilator and then the oxygen. It was covered with a little mask now and Jack could see it move when John breathed. 

"Well things have changed for you I see." John nodded. "Where did you find your glasses?" 

John nodded and indicated he had found his glasses in a shirt pocket that Jack must not have looked in. Then pointed to the book and mouthed "Library". 

“So I guess you’re breathing better too.”

John nodded again and pulled his gown down to show the fresh stitches in his side were the chest tube had been. He gave Jack the thumbs up. Jack smiled back. 

“Man you heal fast, John. I can’t believe you have come as far as you have.” He exchanged hopeful looks with John before turning to the things he brought with him. Next Jack went about putting John's clothes and things away in the little cabinet he had while John took his laptop and began to boot it up.

Jack had just finished when a robotic voice sounded behind him.

"That's better," it droned. "I found a text to talk site on my phone but it was hard to operate. It's better with a real keyboard. Now we can actually talk."

"That's nice, John. Now you can tell me your fantasies."

"Not in your lifetime," came the voice, accompanied by a smirk from John.

"You sound like Stephan Hawking."

John laughed. It was a wheezing sound that puffed out the little cotton mask he wore over the airway hole. 

"So what's new?" Jack flopped on John's bed. He knew John was wondering about Rose, but neither of them was going to broach the subject yet.

There was furious typing and Jack waited patiently. "Well my chest tube came out this morning, and I did well without oxygen so now I have a measure of freedom. Never underestimate the ability to pee on our own."

"I never do."

More typing. "They are decreasing the size of my trach tube also. It’s not surgical to take it out. I guess I just have gauze to cover it after they pull it. Now I am practicing covering it periodically to breathe through my mouth. It should heal on its own once it’s out. Then tomorrow I will have an endoscopy to see if there is damage to my esophagus. If not, I can get a swallow study done to see if I can eat. I am so hungry. I’m really done with getting my nutrition through my arm." 

The monotone of the computer voice was distracting considering the emotion shown in John's face. 

"If you can eat I'll bring you some food. Just tell me what you are allowed to have."

"Ok in that case can you call Mama? She hates hospitals, but calls the nurses every day. I’m sure she can come up with something."

"Yeah I'll do that."

There was a pause. John sat for a minute then typed again. "And Rose?"

"I gave her the note. She has a lot on her plate right now John. And she's still torn up about everything. I think she needs time."

"It's torture just sitting here, Jack. We went from a full run to an abrupt stop. We haven't even been able to talk about it.”

"You will. She'll come around. In the meantime, I bet you get some mighty fine drugs."

"Way to change the subject." John was getting faster. "I'm not on any good ones as you say. I don't like to feel muddled. I'm only on ibuprofen now. I'm sore, but not sleeping all the time."

"John I wish I was as strong as you."

John frowned and his fingers raced across the keyboard. "No more wishes for now. They have a way of coming true."

"Oh Gods, sorry, man." Jack countered. "I didn’t mean anything by it.”

"I know,” John typed, "but that one still stings, more than the gunshot."

"I agree, it was bad, I'm sorry." Jack sat up on the bed. 

John’s fingers were flying again. "It is what it is. From what I hear, she is pretty focused on the lieutenant thing. She'll probably get it."

Jack shrugged. "I imagine so. But enough of that talk, I have a present for you." Jack reached into the bag he brought John's things in and pulled out a box and a cord. John eyed it suspiciously. He opened it and raised an eyebrow at Jack.

"It's a tablet. I mean you can see it's a tablet, but the guys all pitched in and bought you a gift card for it. Now you can download, like a hundred books."

Typing, "It's really nice. But why not just bring me the books themselves?"

"Because, John, I have to haul them in, then haul them out when you are done with them. This decision was based solely on my laziness."

"Thank you," John simply answered, the monotone of the computer voice washing out any emotion he had. 

After Jack left, John got up and went back to the bed. For now he wasn't allowed to go far. He had been to the nurse’s station a few times once he was untethered, but it had completely worn him out. Not eating was having its toll on him. He had been getting IV nutrition, but his caloric intake before had been much higher. He was really looking forward to eating again. 

Maybe Rose would come if Jack was bringing food. Then again maybe she wouldn't. It looked to him like she had made up her mind. It's not like he didn't know that they couldn't be together, not with her being his superior. But he had discussed his willingness to do what he needed to do to with her. But she opted out. 

Then came the realization that perhaps she really didn't like him and that maybe she was just playing along and waiting for a chance to let him off easy. But hadn't she been into it as much as he was? Had he imagined it? Their time together had seemed so long ago, even if it had just been a week past. He missed her deeply, but had clearly scared her off when she came to see him that time. 

Loneliness threatened to consume him. It helped that he could type and talk to people, but now that the danger had passed the visitors slowed too. Jack was there daily, and Mickey stopped by when he was at the hospital for business, but overall John was alone. 

Good for him that he was a social animal. He was meeting nurses and techs of various kinds, but the bottom line was that they all had work to do, and the one person he would have loved to see wouldn't come see him.   
OoOoOo

Over the next few days, Jack saw Rose very little, and when he did it was usually from afar. He knew that she had gotten her stitches out and was out on the road, but normally their paths crossed more than they had. John had been progressing though, and he wanted to talk to her, so on that day he purposely came in early.

He looked around for a little while but finally ran into her when she was coming out of the Captain's office.

"Hey Rose."

Rose only gave a second of eye contact before trying to get around him, trying to look like she was on a mission. 

"Hey Jack, sorry but I gotta go."

"That's fine, I'll follow," he answered, hot on her heels.

"I don't have time Jack."

"I know you don't, what with working, studying and avoiding John, you barely have time to sleep."

Rose stopped abruptly, causing Jack to nearly run into her. He did take the opportunity to bounce off her though. 

As he saw her look up at him, he could see her face and ears were red. "That's not fair Jack, you know I have a lot on my plate. Plus, seeing him like that hurts. It nearly killed me. I can't take it."

Jacks face softened. "He's not mad at you, you know. He just wants to see you,"

Rose looked around pulled Jack into an empty room. "Jack you know that I had to sever the ties. It would have brought both of us down."

"You mean that it would have ended your chances for promotion and maybe your career. But come in, he’s injured."

Rose looked down. "I know, and I feel terrible, but I had to do it.” 

"There were other ways to work around it, I mean the work thing. He could move. I think he would have been willing to do anything. I know him. He's like that."

"Jack you have to understand something. If so much as a rumor got out about us, I could be finished. The competition is stiff as it is. I had to end it. At least for now."

"But did you just leave him hanging or did you tell him that you needed to put it on pause until you could figure things out? I mean you were his superior, it wouldn’t be weird for you to visit him."

Rose was silent.

John puffed out a breath. "So you opted to just end it, ruin what you had and leave him to suffer."

Rose sniffed. "I'm not going to tell you that what I did was right. If I had it to do again, I'd do it differently."

"It’s not set in stone, Rose. You could at least talk to him. It would make him really happy. He really needs this. I think you should go with me. I'm going tonight."

"Don’t you go every night?" Rose asked hoping for a change in subject.

"Just about, it’s been a few days now that he’s out of ICU. He's got the airway out of his neck now and the hole is healing. In fact, they did a swallow study. He’s allowed to eat, but only soft or liquid foods for now. I'm dropping by Mama's on the way. She was going to make him broth and super soft, little noodles to see how he does. You should come."

"I can't," Rose stated, face now set. 

"Fine, it's your loss" replied Jack coldly, turning and leaving her alone in the room. 

Rose covered her face. Jack needn't explain it to her. She knew exactly what she as doing. But she couldn't go see him, if she did she would crack. There was so much pressure now. She knew she had wronged him. She should have put them on hiatus, but instead she ended it all. Now he sat in the hospital recovering from an injury that he sustained while saving her. She owed him her life, but couldn't get the courage to see him. She was a monster. A bad person who only looked out for herself. Long ago though, she had told herself what it would take to succeed in this world she chose to live in. She just hadn't counted on falling so deeply for someone who unwittingly could destroy it all.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is number two for today. John finally gets to talk to Rose, I’m proud of him in this chapter.

That night Jack went to Mama's to pick up John's food as well as something for himself. He made it to John's room but about 7:00. As he walked in he immediately laughed at the sight of about ten empty Jello containers on the table over John's bed. John was reclining. He saw Jack, smiled and gave him a breathy "Hello” while pressing a gauze dressing to his throat. 

"Hey, you're talking now?" Jack asked while setting John's food in front of him. 

A couple seconds of furious typing happened, then the computer voice. "No, not yet, just a little here and there. I meet the speech therapist tomorrow. Then if all goes to plan I can go home maybe by the end of the week. They are still concerned about a few things and I have to get those straightened out before I can go. But it’s looking good.”

Jack sat in the chair and opened his dinner. "Well good, let me know and I'll get you home."

John frowned a little but then turned his attention to the to-go container of broth. He smelled it deeply. Carefully he dipped in the provided spoon and got just some broth. Jack watched closely as John swallowed it. "Oh yeah" John breathed. 

Jack didn't make John talk as he ate his dinner. The silence was comfortable though. After Jack heard the spoon scrape the bottom of the container though, he spoke up. "So, was it good?"

John picked up his laptop again and typed. “Can you send my undying love to Mama?"

"Of course. Actually, she gave me Antonio’s number for you to text. She says she figures you are getting too skinny. You have to text him with what you are allowed to eat until you’re out of here, then you have to come see her. She's on a mission, I wouldn't cross her."

"I know she's pulling for me. I probably will have to go there daily until I'm back up to my normal weight. She won't abandon me." With that he made a funny face, like he had said something that he hadn't intended to. He quickly typed again. "I know where you'll go with that. Don't."

Jack wiped his face. "How are you with all that? Are you alright?"

John typed but when he was done he didn't look at Jack. The cold simulated voice spoke clearly. “I'm always alright."

"I don't believe that for a second. Actually we have to talk about that. When you are better are you planning on coming back?"

John stalled for a second before typing again. "Yes I guess so, but I need to find another place to be. I don't think being on Rose's squad suits me anymore. Though I know she’s going to promote soon."

"Well try this on for size. James from my squad is retiring at the end of next month. You can put in for a transfer. Plus we're moving to nights soon. So you won't have to see her at all. Anyway they already have a new guy on her shift. His name is Jake and I think I may be in love."

"So I already got replaced?" John's eyes got wide. 

 

“I don't know if it was intended to be permanent or not. I just know that Jake's there now. Gods, I'm sorry John. I didn't realize how this would affect you."

John's eyes were wet when he looked away. It took him a minute to gather himself. Then he started to type again." I guess it feels final now. Whatever I had with Rose is gone. I suppose I just need to get myself together and move on. I'm not going to lie. I thought that Rose and I might have a future. I was willing to do anything I needed to stay with her, even if it meant I had to move departments again. But she has apparently shut the door. As much as that makes me crazy I have to live with it. So I guess, you can stop asking her come visit. She's made up her mind." He finished typing and settled his hands in his lap. 

Jack sighed heavily."John, I tried." John nodded and Jack continued, "It was like she got spooked. Plus I know that she carries a lot of guilt about what happened. If you guys would not have been where you were, this might not have happened."

Typing. "Can we talk about something happier now?"

Laughing out loud, Jack launched into the explanation of one of his latest escapades, this time with the nurse from ICU he had met when John was there. John sat back and listened, not participating but to nod now and again. 

OoOoOo

Soon the day came for John's discharge. Other than having a driving need to get back home, John felt a little sad. He had made friends with the nurses and various techs that cared for him daily. He wasn't much of a sleeper and once he was mobile, he frequently found himself at the nurse’s station having conversations. He found that people were very patient with his typing but it also gave him the chance to listen. He learned a lot from them too, things he could most certainly fit into his writing. They weren't the only people who got to know him either. He would often grab his laptop and go down to the cafeteria and sit and hang out with the night staff. That staff was nice to him too, and had the added benefit of occasional freshly baked cookies. 

It was nice writing in different places also. He had been writing a lot. I was amazing how not being able to talk made boredom set in. The only good thing that came from his captivity and heartbreak was a huge infusion of ideas. John would pound away for hours. It didn't look like much would change when he got home either. He was still having to go to speech therapy several times a week as well as physical therapy to fix some lingering arm and shoulder issues that came from the bullet path. 

As far as work was concerned, the doctor had talked to him and decided that he could go back to full duty once he could talk. He didn't have to even talk normally, but he had to be understandable and not have his voice cut out. He knew he had a ways to go though. 

John looked up from his typing to see Jack enter the room. 

"You ready buddy?" Jack grinned.

Jack was startled to hear a response that wasn't a breath. "Yeah," John intoned, still pressing on his throat, but barely. His voice was low and extremely rough. It had none of the warm tones John usually had, but it was there. 

"Hey! It's good to hear you again." Jack enthused. 

"It's not much. It only lasts a little while." John tried to push out more, but nothing came. He massaged his throat and shrugged at Jack.

"I'll take it anyway, John. I'm just happy to hear you. It'll come."

Now the computer voice started back up. "But I may end up sounding like I'm stuck in puberty. There's no telling what will happen."

"Yeah but you are much deeper than your voice."

Typing. "But who will obey a cop who squeaks rather than talks?"'

Jack laughed. "You seem to forget that you squeak anyway when you’re excited. C'mon let's get you home."

John nodded and packed up his laptop. He had already put all of his things together. Jack nearly lost it, though when everyone came to say goodbye. It took another hour to get out the front doors. 

Finally outside Jack turned to his friend. "Geez everyone will miss you. You must have a magnetic personality. Everyone wants to be with you."

"Not everyone." John croaked and continued on down the sidewalk.

OoOoOo

That very night Jack set up a celebration of sorts for John at the tavern. He figured that everyone could come and check in again with him as well as it being good to get John out a bit. 

At first John didn't want to go. He would rather get settled at is apartment and go grocery shopping. But Jack insisted, and before he knew it, John was sitting at a booth in the tavern, a beer in front of him, surrounded by well-wishers. He would have preferred just plain water, he found out quickly that beer irritated his throat. So he sat there nodding a lot and talking little as people came and went. 

He was also aware of how many of his old squad people where there. Save one though. 

John knew that there would be a time where he was face to face with Rose again. It was inevitable. At first he was nervous about it, but then settled, telling himself that everything that had transpired had been directed by her. He had tried, she had not. The more the evening wore on, the more people left him to himself. He really couldn't talk to them anyway. Ultimately, John was left with his feelings of abandonment. Not by his coworkers, but from Rose. He had lived day to day hoping for a visit that never came. The more he thought about it, the madder he became. Well not necessarily mad, but resolved. The relationship, as little a spark it was, was over. There was nothing left. 

Right there John decided that he could, in fact, move on, and that he would be OK. A calm surrounded him and he sighed deeply.

That was until Rose stepped up to the table. 

 

OoOoOoOo

Rose was more than aware of the day John got released. Jack had made a big deal about it at the station. He even went so far as to invite everyone to the local tavern to welcome him back. He figured that it would be good for John to see everyone again. It was coincidentally, or not, also on the night Rose's squad was there. 

Rose hovered outside of the tavern door. When anyone would pass she tried to look as if she was genuinely interested in something on her phone. She had tried to go in at least five times, but turned herself around. 

She hadn't seen John since the day she ran out on him. Since then she tried to convince herself that he was better off without her. Plus she was so close to the lieutenant testing. She could almost feel eyes on her all the time. This time around the competition was fierce and any misstep could cause her not to get it. 

But she still felt horrible about what happened. John was a great guy and didn't deserve to be treated like she had treated him. Today was her chance to make peace with it, with him. Maybe seeing that he was alright and getting back would calm the demons that plagued her every move. Though she fought hard not to think about him and to concentrate on her preparations, doubt snuck in. John had also been instantly popular and everyone had been effected by his injury. Him getting out was huge and very much the talk of the station. There was no way to avoid it. 

Rose made another attempt at the door, only to have her hand on the handle and let go. Just then the door opened. It was Mickey. "Well hey there!" he enthused. "I was hoping you'd come. John's in the back.” 

"Thanks, Mick." she grumbled, pushing her way in. In that moment she opted for the direct approach, right to him. Her eyes hit him though, and she stalled. Last time she had laid eyes on him he looked so pale and sick. Now he looked so much better. He only bore a few signs of his injury. He was still swollen on the side of his neck, his shoulder was a little slumped and he wore a dressing on the base of his neck. Otherwise, though he wasn’t as bad as she had anticipated. His skin was pink, maybe a little flushed, but he looked, in a word, gorgeous. Rose unconsciously put her hand over her heart at the sight. This was going to be more difficult than she thought. 

Rose took a breath and plowed ahead up to the table he occupied alone. 

John swallowed thickly at her arrival. She didn't say anything at first, just drank him in with her whiskey brown eyes. John froze in place. 

She took a seat across from him. "Hi," she said weakly.

John lightly pressed his throat and tried to eek something out, but all that came was a short growl.

Rose smiled at him. Oh that smile, it make him weak on the strongest of days. But today it merely bounced off. John's shields had instantly gone up at her arrival. There was no way she would get any more out of him. She had already taken all he could afford to give. 

Rose tucked hair behind her ear. "I'm glad you're out. I..." She shook her head almost imperceptibly. "I mean we all missed you.” John nodded, not in agreement, but more to show that he got what she said. 

Rose shifted in her seat. She was clearly uncomfortable. "So how long now? Any idea when you will come back?"

John opened his mouth. Out came a mixture of gravely, rough and low speech. "I'm…not on your shift." The last word was nearly cut off.

"I know, I'm sorry about that. But I talked to Jack, he said that you were going to join his shift. I wanted to hold your spot but Captain Noble insisted that I fill it."

John nodded again. 

Rose shifted again, then stood and took a seat closer to him. "Listen, John. We should talk."

John shook his head. "Nothing to talk about. What happened… happened. That bullet was coming. Let's just move on." With every word John's voice grew a little squeakier. Now parts of his sentences were whispered more than spoken. Rose had to lean in to hear him. But he was letting her off the hook. He clearly didn't want to talk about what they had. 

Both relief and embarrassment washed over Rose. John could have put her on the spot but didn't. But it wasn't enough. She had to go there. She leaned in a little closer. "I mean I want to talk about what happened to us. Maybe not here, but I do."

John's eyes bore into hers. He simply said, "No." then he leaned away, taking her in again. "I'm done with all that. It's over. No hard feelings. But you have things to do. There is no 'us'. If asked I will say we were just friends. You're in the clear." John's voice was getting worse. Rose could barely understand him. But she got it. He wasn’t going to say anything to anyone about them. He was good like that. 

But John was closing the door. She knew it. Something deep inside of her screamed for attention. It was the same part of her that wanted to reach out and hold his hand. Buried somewhere in there was a burning desire to be with this man. But now he was telling her no, that he didn't want to talk about anything. That, in and of itself was a blow directly to her heart. 

Needing to release the tension, Rose spoke again. "So what's next? Jack said speech therapy?"

John nodded slowly, as if shaking of the last vestiges of the prior conversation. He took a sip of his beer, winced, and spoke again. "And some physical therapy for my shoulder." He was now at a whisper.

"So a month or so?"

John nodded again, this time his eyes cutting around the room. 

Rose was grasping at straws and she knew it, but at the same time didn't know why. But she couldn't leave yet. "So do you need a ride home? I could take you."

John shook his head and pointed to Jack who was sitting on a barstool sipping a water bottle and watching them. Rose hadn't noticed him there before. 

"Ok then. I-I have court in the morning. It was nice to see you John." She stood, but didn't move.

John again nodded but move up closer to her ear. He whispered, "For the record I missed you too." With that he walked over to join Jack, leaving Rose alone at the table.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay I’m back! Today we have a lot to cover, but I promise there is action on the way. There may even be some fluff to put on top of this angst soufflé I have concocted. I’m already working on Chapter 13. If nothing else expect it next week. Until then, cheers! Thanks for your kudos and comments. I’d like to say I don’t totally troll for them after posting, but that would be a lie.

The one advantage to John’s time alone was how much he could write. The tragedy he had sustained ended up turning into quite the muse. Before he knew it he had added a complicated love interest to his stories. It started delicately in the first book and then bloomed into a torrid affair. His first book was also stripped down to bare bones and then supercharged, changing it into a nail biting thriller. In doing so, he got a second look from one of the publishing companies. As it turned out, pouring his emotions into the story proved cathartic and possibly very profitable. The voice that did not come out his mouth came out his fingers. The publishers thought that it had lacked something before, and he was not able to fill the void they thought was there. But now he was getting much improved notes and talk about release dates and cover art. Simply working through his feelings through writing had led to him being steps closer to being a published author. 

It certainly felt better than the department mandated therapy he had to do. He didn't mind the therapist so much, but hated talking about his feelings. Plus talking in general was hard and left him with a sore throat. After that he had to rest his voice for the remainder of the day. That was even harder when he was expected to be at Mama's every night. She had something new for him every evening and would send him home with leftovers. She also refused to be paid. John gave up trying after the second night. Slowly though, his weight started to come back on. A few weeks later he started running again. Again it was a painful start. But the stories that were running though his head twisted and turned and spurred him on. Pushing through anger and feelings of abandonment pushed him farther along and thus he became a stronger, more thoughtful but quieter version of John. 

Another piece that he hadn't thought about was that he found himself in need of a car. He was having multiple therapy sessions a day, speech, physical therapy, psychology, and then dinner. He hadn't owned a vehicle before, but finally Jack got sick of the whining and took him to a car salesman he had been flirting with and got John a great deal on a small truck. It was bright blue, and teeny, but John didn't care. It was cheap and got good gas mileage. He shuttered a little to think what perks Jack gave out as an incentive for the guy to not gouge him on price. 

It was helpful having Jack at his side. Aside from the frequent sore throats he endured, his voice was rough at best. Jack understood him but frequently others did not. Having to increase his volume was hard too. This speech therapist swore that this would get better in time, but could not tell him with any certainly when. She just encouraged him to keep talking until he was tired, not to strain, then to rest. He asked if his voice would ever be back to what is was and she admitted that it may not be. Stranger things had happened though. Everyone healed differently. He was doing everything right though and that was something. She said that one day she was confident it would surprise him though and be there when he needed it. John wasn’t so sure. 

OoOoOo

During the time John was off, Rose was laser focused on the lieutenant training. She told herself it was to make her test the best it could be, but she knew that it was easier to throw herself into something than to try to justify what happened with John. Not having him around as well as Jack moving to night shifts only made this easier. Soon she was able to tuck her guilty feelings away. They weren't resolved by any stretch, but easily ignored, rather. 

It had not been an easy go. Though she was qualified for the test, she was only just so. This was mainly because of her age and lack of experience. That left her with a feeling of just cramming for a test rather than being truly prepared. Many of the other applicants had years if not a decade of experience to pull from. Rose’s quick rise had made that simply not possible. Also, even though she may not have been, it felt like she was under a microscope all the time. Any time anything happened with someone on her squad it felt like Captain Noble was breathing down her neck. That and some of the older guys on her squad, and just elsewhere in the department, had been seeming to give her more grief. It was nothing she couldn't handle, and had no problem dressing them down as appropriate, but it was exhausting. Worst of all there was no one to talk to about it. She and Jack were friendly again, but only just. She just wanted to sit down with him and a beer and talk, but he hadn't made himself available to her like he used to. To make matters worse, he was on nights. Normally they would just plan to be together when either of them got off shift, but it was harder to find him now and he only sometimes answered her texts. Essentially Rose was alone now. It wasn't like she was ostracized, but just no one responded to her. The easy answer would have been for her to try to patch things up with John, at least smooth things over so they could talk, but she couldn’t. There had been times when she had actually had the phone in her hand, but couldn't do it. At the same time she cursed her weakness and felt like a horrible person all in one. She was well aware that the damage she had done most likely ruined even the possibility of a friendship forever. But she missed him. She messed easy fun conversation, she missed not having to explain herself as she did if she tried to talk to her mother. It seemed like no one understood her anymore and that was a very lonely place to be. 

So she trudged on, working, exercising, training and studying and growing more miserable by the day. 

OoOoOo

The two months of John’s rehab flew by. His days were packed with therapy, writing, phone meetings (which he hated) and what felt like thousands of emails. But before he knew it he was getting his uniform back on and coming in for a meeting with the Captain. He had always liked Captain Noble even from their first meeting months ago. She had something about her that was warm and funny under the rough exterior. They actually ended up laughing a fair bit in the meeting she had with him before he returned. 

John both dreaded and anticipated coming back. He didn't want to lose the time he had to write, but at the same time he wanted to get back to work. The time at work would mean that he would have to get a little creative about working on this new venture into publishing. He also knew though, that when he did finally get into a patrol car for the first time it would be like closing the door on the whole nasty mess of the shooting. He also knew that his chances of running into Rose were slim. She was on days and he on nights. Knowing that he wouldn't have to feign being all better made it easier. 

That was before everyone got the flu. On his first night back, John was readying himself when he got a text from Jack. "Happy first night back. But bad news, I am dying for the flu and had to call off. Half the squad has it and the other half is recovering. Sorry man, I wanted to be there for you when you got there."

John wrote back. "So you have the Brazilian Monkey Flu?"

"Did you make that up?"

"Yes I did." 

"Anyway, try your best to stay out of trouble, and by all means can you please avoid being shot?"

"That's the plan." John typed."I’ll see you when you get better."

"One word, DUCK!" Jack replied. John laughed out loud. 

Even at night there was a huge reception when John got back. He was hugged, patted on the shoulders and generally welcomed back with open arms. It felt good too. He was careful though, to make his briefing on time. He slid into his seat next to a guy that he recognized but didn't know. The officer nodded at him and smiled. John smiled back. There was a time when John would have introduced himself and started up a conversation with, well, anyone, but he found himself speaking much less these days. Perhaps it was because speaking now took effort, perhaps for another reason. 

He was fiddling with his phone and reading an email when he heard the squad room door hastily open. He looked up and nearly jumped. It was Rose, she was hurrying in to the podium to brief the squad. His first night back and she was his sergeant again. He silently cursed his bad luck. 

OoOoOo

Rose was getting off shift when her phone buzzed. It was the Captain. She sighed and headed into the office. 

Captain Noble was at her desk. Without preamble, she started to talk. "Rose, as you know, Jack’s entire squad is sick. Is there any way you can pull a double? I don't have anyone to cover. This flu is literally knocking us out."

Rose knew she was in no position to deny the request and forced a smile. "Yeah no problem, ma'am. I'm free."

"Thank you Rose, Hey, I meant to tell you too. All the work you've put in for the lieutenant promotion. It's working. People are talking about you. I mean, you are by far the youngest person testing but you are coming across as one of the most prepared. Keep up the good work. I'd love to see you in that position."

"Thank you ma'am." Rose smiled.

The Captain continued, "So get something to eat real quickly if you can, you have a briefing with that shift in half an hour. Oh, and you have that injured officer. John Smith back tonight. Oh wait, he was one of yours wasn’t he?” 

The blood drained from Rose’s face but she did her best to cover by looking down. 

The Captain was interested in something on her desk and didn’t notice. She started again. “It's his first night back so be gentle to him. I think it would be best if he rode with someone at least for this shift to get re-acclimated. But since you are so shorthanded you can make that call."

"Thank you, I will ma'am." With that Rose hastily turned to leave. She hustled to the vending room and now finally alone, rested her head on the cool plastic of the machine, breathing deeply. She forced herself to buy a sandwich and chips, but it was more like going through the motions. She wasn’t hungry. 

Long deep breaths allowed her brain to engage again. "Oh no, " she thought, "not tonight. Not his first shift. I can't." She was tired from her own shift. Pulling a double was always a stretch. In addition, some of her officers were out too and she had to run around just that much more. Now she had to cover overnight, and face John. Not only face him, but supervise him. But she couldn't say no to the Captain. Not now.

The promotion never stopped looming. It carried even more weight now. She was aware of the fact that she was the youngest candidate for promotion. And not by a little margin either. She had heard the rumblings too. Some thought that she wasn't ready, hadn't seen enough, and hadn’t spent enough time on the streets. The more she heard, the more she started to agree. One of the pillars of good police work was building on experiences. She had risen so quickly that was something she lacked. It wasn't lack of intelligent or drive, it was time with boots on the ground. Aside from the inherent emotional issues she faced in the coming hours, she had to keep it together. 

The sandwich might had been turkey and cheddar, but it was more like wet cardboard. Rose forced it down anyway but stopped half way. She also bought a caffeinated soda and drank it before gathering herself for the briefing, all the while wondering how she would get through this. 

OoOoOo

Rose came through the door and instantly felt John's eyes on her. They burned into the side of her head like lasers. She continued to the podium with forced casualness and tried to make it look like she was in control even though she most certainly was not. 

Looking down at her notes, she took a breath before addressing the gathered officers. 

"Hi, if you don't know me, I'm Sergeant Tyler, but you can call me Rose. I actually prefer it. I'm covering for Sergeant Harkness, and by the looks of you all you are either recovering from this flu or somehow dodging it." Someone coughed loudly. "So anyway, just a few things before we go. It looks like our task force has been closing in on the Master. He's gotten a little sloppy lately or maybe it's reckless, anyhow, he's been more active. He's hit convenience stores a lot lately. This part is a little baffling to the detectives. Normally these guys escalate but it seems like this guy hits randomly, banks one day and gas stations the next. He certainly is giving the profilers a run for their money. Anyway, they’re closing in on him. Ok, now I have your assignments ready."

She paused, looking at the sheet. She was going to have to address him. "Um Smith, you are back tonight." There were a few little cheers from the group. John looked around smiling but only glanced at Rose. 

"So are you comfortable going out by yourself or do you want me to put you with someone to re-orient?"

John rose his head, his eyes piercing hers. "I'm better by myself." His gravelly voice forced out.

His gaze and words shot right for Rose's heart. They had not met eyes since she had seen him at the tavern. She tried desperately to shake it off, trying to not reflect on her face the tremors rattling her body. "Ok ... then, um there is a car for you. Let's be safe, and keep an eye out for the Master. "

The officers stood. Rose gathered her things and when she looked back at the group, John was nowhere to be seen.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I decided to give you all a little mid-week bonus. Actually it’s a big mid-week bonus. I felt like I needed to give out something that moved us ahead and boy does this do that.

John stomped to his patrol car. This was no way to start back to work. As it was, he was not confident in his ability to talk though an entire shift. He would have been more comfortable with someone or the first few shifts. That way if something failed he had someone to back him up. It had been a long time since he had been on his own too. Just getting back into the procedures would be tricky. But there was no way he would have Rose know that. There would be no signs of weakness from him. He had always hated games, but he just couldn’t at least seem like he was 100%. 

John leaned against his car to think, rubbing his face. He just had to make it through this shift. Jack would be back soon and things could get back to normal. For tonight though, he could most likely avoid Rose is he put his mind to it. If he kept his head low they may not interact. That would be good. Maybe it would be a quiet night. Maybe not. It would just be 8 hours. He could do that. 

"Hey John," sounded a voice behind him. John whipped around to see Jerry, a fellow patrol officer. 

John nodded at him. 

"Hey listen. My rookie got the ability to fly solo tonight. I know that you are OK and everything, but I'm just offering for you to ride with me if you want. We've had some software changes and stuff. Rose probably didn't realize that you missed them. That and I’m still getting over the flu. It would be great to have someone who is maybe a little more fit to help me out. Plus Jack had mentioned to me that you may want to ride double for a shift or two."

John visibly relaxed and smiled. "Thank you." 

Jerry made a face. "Man you still sound terrible. Is it going to get better?"

John nodded. "Yeah, I sound better when I warm up. But after a while it hurts."

"Fine with me, man. I'll go and tell Rose what's up." John nodded again as Jerry sauntered off. Well at least one thing was going his way. 

OoOoOo

Hours later John and Jerry stopped for food. It hadn't been a bad night. The only thing they had was a family fight and a traffic stop. The stop went off without a hitch, but the fight was another matter. It was going fine until the people started to argue again. They were loud and John couldn't raise his voice enough to stop them. Luckily Jerry stepped up and finally calmed the man and his wife down. John hung in there though, but realized that he squeaked a lot if he had to be more forceful. Ultimately it just led to a sore throat. 

The two agreed to stop at a 24 hour diner in their area for a break. John ordered tea with honey, hoping it would soothe things. It was also nice to sit in a warm place for a while. The night wasn’t cold, but being there woke both of them up a bit. John looked around. The diner's clientele was usually cops or anyone on a night shift. There was a haggard looking ambulance crew eating pie along with what looked like a crew of state road workers that were starting their day. Their waitress was nice but clearly not thrilled to be there. John and Jerry ordered some soup too, just to be nice. It was good too and seemed to further help John’s throat. 

The guys were just finishing up when they heard the door ding. They both looked up to see the familiar form of Rose Tyler. John initially shrank in his seat then thought better of it and stood. 

"Ready?" he grumbled. Jerry didn’t quite know how to answer. 

"Yeah I guess."

Before John could leave, Rose sauntered over. "Hi guys? How goes the night?"

John didn't answer, but Jerry piped up. "Oh pretty good. Not much happening yet.”

Rose looked to John. "I'm glad you decided to ride with Jerry. Is it all coming back?"

John nodded. "I have a report to finish. Later Sergeant Tyler." With that he left the other two. 

Rose tried to recover quickly. She forced a smile and looked back to Jerry. "Hey thanks for convincing him to come with you."

"No problem. Please pardon me asking, but is there something off between you and him?"

Rose exhaled a little. "He's not particularly fond of me. But I think that's about it." She perked up, or rather forced herself to perk up. "Well at least you are in for some lively conversation. Last time I worked with him he kept me entertained all night."

Jerry looked at her quizzically. "Um, OK, but he hasn't said more than ten words to me all night. I've only heard him talk on calls really. I mean he's friendly and uses a lot of nodding and non-verbal stuff, but he barely speaks."

"Is that a problem?"

"No ma'am. He gets it done. I was actually looking forward to his conversations, I heard about them from Mickey. I guess he just doesn't have much to say. He told me his voice gets better when he warms up, but he hasn't gotten there yet for sure."

"Ok well you better get back to it. If you have any problems let me know."

"Sure." Jerry was off, leaving Rose alone in the diner. 

Rose knew that John's voice wasn't all the way better, but she didn't anticipate him just not conversing. That was so unlike him. She felt a cold tingle down her spine. She had wished this on him, and now it really was coming true. 

Suddenly she wasn't hungry anymore.

OoOoOo

Jerry met John back in the car. "Everything alright?"

John nodded and pointed to the laptop he was typing on. 

“So the Sargent was checking up on you a little. She wanted to know if you were OK."

John raised his eyebrows.

"I told her you were, but you were kinda quiet."

John cracked a sardonic smile. He rasped, "Talking is overrated."

Jerry got in and fastened his seat belt. "Well then, shall we?" John nodded. 

They were pulling out of the parking lot when they got the call. There was a convenience store about three blocks away that was being robbed at gunpoint. Possible shots fired. 

They flicked on their lights and were on the way. As they tore through the deserted streets, they got updates. Suspect was a white male with spiky blonde hair, but was wearing a black hoodie. 

"That could be the Master," Jerry thought out loud.

John nodded again. 

"Man that guy's certainly gone off the rails."

This time John grunted in agreement. 

Next there was an update that there had indeed been gunshots and that someone was down. There were several witnesses also that were unharmed.

The radio came to life again. Rose was responding also. She would be right behind them. 

Upon arrival, John and Jerry parked about a half block away, surveyed the scene and carefully advanced. They could see inside the convenience store clearly. There was a woman in a bright pink sweatshirt kneeling over a slumped figure on the ground. She was crying loudly. There were two others outside on phones.

They advanced on the two outside and were quickly met with hands in the air. They were wearing purple employee uniforms and talking fast. Jerry stayed with them while John opened the door and went in. The woman on the ground looked at him and started to scream. "He killed him!" Her pink sweatshirt was covered in blood. His eyes flew down to the man on the ground. He looked to be another clerk, wearing purple uniform shirt too. Copious blood was pooled on the floor. He wasn’t breathing. A quick check of his pulse confirmed he was indeed dead. 

"Which way did he go?" growled John. 

The woman pointed. “He ran out. I didn't see what direction he went. Oh my God I just came in for cigarettes. He didn’t do anything! He was just stocking the soda." She dissolved into cries again. 

John tried to console the woman, gently peeling her off the man who was seemingly a stranger to her. He sat her one aisle over and quickly checked her. She wasn’t injured, just shocked. Jerry had radioed that the suspect had left as Rose pulled up. She got out and was getting a report from Jerry, John stood close and listened. He also looked out, surveying the scene just beyond the lights in the small parking lot. The street lights in this neighborhood didn’t quite connect and in between them old trees hung low. It wouldn’t have taken much to hide…

There it was, movement in a shadow. John stiffened and whispered. “There.” Neither Jerry nor Rose heard him. He reached up without moving his eyes away and tugged on his partner’s shirt. He pointed and they both followed his finger. “Look,” he rasped. With all three sets of eyes on him, the figure came out into the light. There was no mistake it, was the Master. By that time two more officers were pulling up. 

Rose took a few steps tentatively toward the figure and started to talk. "Hi, can you come over here?" She had her hand on the butt of her gun. All three of them took steps toward him and he stayed put, staring intently but not answering. He seemed to be pondering his next move. 

Then just like that he turned and nimbly jumped over the fence behind him. 

John was off in a flash after him. Rose yelled at Jerry, "Follow in the car," and took off also.

She climbed over the fence and just caught a glimpse of John climbing up one on the other side of the yard. She put on all the speed she had just to catch up. When she landed on the ground after the second fence, she could see John running full out ahead. He was close to the hooded figure of the Master, who seemed to be slowing, at least he was looking around a lot. He looked over his shoulder at John then sped off again. 

Rose radioed in their position and ran after them both. About a block down, the Master turned left onto another street. The darkness and lack of adequate street lights made it difficult to see John. Now that the Master had turned, she trained her eyes on what she could see of his figure to find her way. He was still on the sidewalk making good time, he turned the corner too and Rose heard a yell. It took everything she had not to yell out after him. Instead she poured on the last bit of speed she had and came around the corner. As she did she saw John getting to his feet. He had tripped on loose pavement. He didn’t even look back at her but was up before she could get to him. He didn’t even look back. 

Up ahead there was something that was well lit. A few more strides brought it into focus. It was a gas station and the Master stood still at the front door. When John got close the Master simply opened the door and stepped in, John close behind. Rose radioed again and ran up. She couldn't immediately see John inside, but was quick enough to catch the door as it was closing and slip in, crouching down behind the first aisle. At the end of it stood John. He was very still She could hear moving though, towards the back. Then a male voice. "Come closer and I will kill her." Followed by the strangled scream of a woman. Rose figured that the Master had the clerk hostage. 

John stayed still, though his eyes cut to Rose. He made a little hand gesture indicating for her to stay put. He was still partially obstructed from the Master by the end of the row of shelves. Outside Rose could hear patrol cars amassing, but knew that the officers would not come bursting in. 

John raised his hands to the Master, showing he was not holding his gun. "You don't need to hurt her,” he ground out. "She's innocent, you should let her go." It was hard to understand all of what he said. His voice skipped out on a couple of syllables. 

The Master must have gotten enough of it. "She’s not innocent!" he bellowed back. They're all not. I have to show her."

"What do you mean?" John rasped. 

"I mean what I mean." The Master's voice sounded agitated, high in tone but clipped and anxious.

John started again. "We don't need hostages to talk. Can we just talk?" This time he was easier to hear. He must be warming up, she thought. 

"Why would I want to talk to you?"

"Because I'm the one standing between you and all those guns outside. I want to work with you. Please. My name is John. What is yours?" 

"They call me the Master." 

"Can I call you that?"

"I suppose."

"OK, Master. I want to help you here. First, it would be great if you can let this woman go."

Rose could hear the Master shift and the woman whine. Then simply he said, "No"

John was still standing with his hands in the air about at shoulder height. "Ok then, can you tell me why? I honestly don’t know how to take you. I mean, you're all over the place. You rob convenience stores, banks, whatever. But why?"

"If I tell you will you go away?"

John snorted. "I think we both know what's happening here. We’re surrounded. I'm just hoping for a peaceful ending."

The Master drew a long breath and when he spoke again his voice was louder and much more annunciated. "So you tell me something, John." He paused and the clerk whined again. "Have you ever been in love?"

Behind the racks Rose’s head snapped up to look at John. He visibly stiffened and shot her the slightest of sideways glances. He took a steeling breath and answered, "Yes I believe that I have been."

Rose swallowed hard and tried not to move. 

The Master shifted on the other side of the aisle and his hostage gasped. Rose wondered just how close he was coming to her with the gun. "I have been too. I couldn't keep mine. I was never good enough for her. But I am, I am good enough. I can provide for her. She doesn't need to go off with anyone else. I can provide. "

John nodded. "I'm sure you can."

"Be she doesn't believe me. Tell me, what happened to you John? Did the love last?"

“I’d like to talk about you, Master. I don’t matter in all this.”

“Oh but you do. I can tell that you know what I’m talking about. So if you are truly interested in resolving this, answer me did the love last?”

John answered simply, "No." Rose cringed. 

"Did she leave you for someone else?"

John didn't answer right away. He seemed to be working on it. Finally he responded, "She left me for her job."

A cold stone landed in Rose's belly. Sitting here, trapped listening to some weird therapy session between a murderer and the man she let go was nothing short of torturous. John didn't look happy either. She supposed he could have lied, but it sounded like the Master had him pegged. 

The Master spoke again. "And you loved her?"

"I believe I did, yes."

Silence fell in the room, a heavy, crushing silence that only spotlighted the guilt Rose already felt. John had said it. He thought he loved her and she abandoned him. Now she knew just how horrific it must have been for him alone in that hospital. In his time of need she had left him, all alone, wondering if she had ever loved him back. But she had. 

She loved him after the first night after he fell in the roses. From then on she hadn't wanted to be anywhere but with him. But life had gotten in the way. It was the life she had told herself she wanted. The life she had prescribed for herself. When he came into it he threatened to change her course. He was an amazing man, perfect for her, but it would have altered the timeline that she had set for herself. All those years of meticulous planning, thrown asunder by one perfect man. 

Now as she crouched there, only able to see John from the side, she came to the realization that life without that someone, the someone who held answers to questions she didn't know she had, who fit so perfectly was a total waste. Without him in her life there was no color anymore. He had come in and painted every bit of it with broad, brilliant strokes. All of a sudden she could see everything so clearly. She was wrong, not only wrong but dead wrong. 

The job was important, but not important enough to ruin the things her life had yet to bring. Her entire being had been the job but there was nothing else before him. He showed her that humans need other humans to be. They need to have other humans to be with that see them as they truly are. John was that person. And in trying to bring her to him, as they should have been, he nearly died. 

Now he stood in front of her, essentially telling it all to another man. 

The Master piped up. "But it never works, does it John? You are not what they need. She was everything to me, and I was nothing. You know what? She left me in the dust. But I can care for her, I can!”

John cleared his throat. "Is that why you are robbing everything? To show her?'

"Yes."

John paused. "Master, the woman you're holding didn't do anything to you. She’s just trying to live her life. I’d feel better if you would let her free. "

Rose could hear rustling. 

John started again. "I mean you and I can talk, but let's let her free. It'll be easier to talk to you if she wasn't in the way."

Rose noticed something. John's voice was getting clearer. He started out rough, but the more he spoke the smoother it got. The last sentence warmed her heart, not in its content, but because it sounded like the old John, the one who's velvet voice made her so happy. This was the voice that pushed its way into her very being. It was so him, and Gods had she missed it. 

Suddenly there was a flurry of activity. Then running footsteps. Rose didn't know what it was, began to pull out her gun, but stopped when the clerk burst through the front doors and out into the parking lot. Now she, John and the Master were all alone. She and John were the only ones to know it though.

"Thank you for letting her go." John said. "I want to help you too. What do you say we end this?"

There was more rustling that Rose couldn’t see. It sounded like the Master sat down hard. “Her name was Lucy. She told me that I would never be good enough for her. She left me, John. But I know she’ll see me and want to come back. She has to, I’ve worked so hard.”

“I know you have. But sometimes people have a hard time seeing what they have.” He took another breath. ”C’mon, what do you say we put an end to all this? You look tired.”

More shifting from the Master. "Tell me one thing. What was her name, John?"

Without hesitation John answered, "Her name was… is…Rose."


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thank you all for the nice reviews I’ve gotten lately. I like it when people get on-board with my little stories. As I have found out recently, not everyone agrees with the direction of said stories. But I will still move forward. I like writing, I suppose it is my way of working through issues. Everyone writes for their own reasons, huh? I am humbled that you take the time out of your day to read my meager offerings. That being said, I hope you enjoy the results of the impromptu therapy session. We’re on the last lap now!

Last time:  
More shifting from the Master. "Tell me one thing. What was her name, John?"

Without hesitation John answered, "Her name was… is…Rose."

OoOoOo

On the floor Rose felt a shiver rocket through her. She glanced up at John, he looked miserable. The Master’s little therapy session was wearing thin. Deep down inside Rose was also struggling. She had been able to maintain alright, that was up until the time he named her. Then, just like that, all the air was sucked from her lungs. At the same time she felt like she had been punched in the gut. It took all she had to breathe through it. The danger was still eminent and she needed to stay focused. 

On the other side of the aisle, the Master was continuing. "I loved Lucy with everything I had. And do you know what she did John? She told me that I wasn't good enough for her. She left me! Then she found someone else. She left me behind. But I showed her. I got all the money. She'll see."

“I’m sure she will,” John answered, just trying to keep the Master engaged. This time though, his voice faltered and he lost the last syllable to a squeak.

Rose’s eyes were glued to John. He looked uncomfortable, like maybe the Master was evaluating him. He shifted under what Rose guessed was scrutiny. There was another stretch of silence and John let it be. The Master spoke again, clearly shifting gears. "Is there something wrong with you? You’re losing your voice. Also you started out sounding like crap. I almost couldn’t understand you at first."

"It's not about me. I really would like to talk about you." John countered. 

"Tell me about it John. I want to know,” he was quieter but insistent.

John took a breath. If he had looked uncomfortable before now he looked ten times worse. He clearly did not want to go there. Rose was convinced he was going to deflect again. Just when she thought he would redirect the Master, he didn’t. "I got shot and it went into my neck," he quickly answered. 

"Did I shoot you?" The Master had a little bit of a haughty tone. 

"Yes you did." John answered simply. 

"I wasn't aiming for you. I remember seeing a blonde. I was aiming to spook her. I guess she reminded me of Lucy. All I know is that it was a tricky shot, I’m guessing I missed the door frame I was going for. Anyway, I didn’t stick around to see what happened." 

John confirmed for the Master. “You missed her, you hit me.”

“Oh.” The Master sounded more like the answer had been an answer to curiosity more than anything. There wasn’t any remorse in his tone. 

"I suppose it was a good thing that I got in the way. You may have hit her.”

"Maybe, but’s what’s one more murder? I seem to be accumulating them."

"Master?” John perked up. ”I have a question for you."

"I guess."

John leaned forward a little. Just out of Rose’s sight. "Are you tired of all this?"

His question was met by more silence. He tried again. "I mean you seem like you are worn out. I know I am. What do you say we end this?"

Finally an answer. "What will happen?

"I don't exactly know. But I imagine you have an idea."

"I do. I don't want them to take me."

John was slowly making advancements on the Master. Just inches at a time but he was now almost out of Rose’s sight. "But you can't just get out, you know that. You've done some bad things."

"I won't go. STOP!" he yelled at John. "I'm not ready. I have a gun. Do you want me to shoot you again?" Rose could hear him scramble around. She was sure he now either had his gun on John or pointed at his own head. 

John stopped. "You don’t want to do this. We can end this peacefully." He missed a few syllables. On top of everything, now Rose was worried he couldn’t finish. 

The Master came back quickly. "I don't think so. I'm not ready to go."

"But you're tired, Master." 

"I am, but I don't want to do to jail. I'm not done. I want Lucy back." He sniffed.

"I know. Let me help you."

"No!" the Master bellowed, "I’ll take you with me!"

Instantly Rose could hear a scuffle. She rounded the corner to see John in a hand-to-hand battle on the floor. The men wrestled heavily, the Master trying to aim at John and John trying to wrest the weapon away as well as stay out of the line of fire. They were tangled up so tightly Rose couldn’t see who was who. 

Behind her armed officers burst through the door and joined the fight. John shouted, his voice rasping above the ruckus, "Master, stop now. Save yourself, drop the gun!" The Master was having none of it and somehow was able to kick John hard in the abdomen, sending him flying back crashing into a shelf. He then trained his weapon on the officers, who all had their guns drawn. 

"No!" came the strangled yell form John as at least two officers opened fire. A second later the Master lay dead on the floor, a rapidly expanding pool of crimson forming beneath him. 

OoOoOo

John stood outside the store. He now wore a bandage on his elbow from his fall when running earlier. Funny, he didn't even remember hurting himself when he did. Now, though it stung like the dickens. He now stood surrounded by officers, making his statement. It hurt to talk now. His throat was sore from all the talking and certainly the yelling.

The morning was arriving fast now and the area had been cordoned off with yellow police tape. John dutifully spoke with the higher-ups including Captain Noble, who had arrived. At this point though, all he wanted was to go home. Also at the same time knowing that that wasn't going to happen for a while. The report writing alone would take an hour or more. On top of that, he had something to do. 

He had finished talking to another sergeant when a young officer tapped him on the shoulder. "Hey, do you need a lozenge?" He was a rookie by the looks of him, young vibrant and ready to go. He held out a wrinkled bag of wrapped throat drops. "They have honey in them. I just am getting over this flu and I had them. You sound like you need them more than I do though. "John nodded and took one, giving the young man a thankful smile. He regarded the young man too. He remembered being so young, so ready to jump into the fray. But this job changes people. He then looked around at the others, some close to retirement, some in the middle. Everyone looked the same, hardened. It looked good on some but others looked like they may fall over at any minute. Or maybe it was just the last of the flu. 

He asked one of them "Where's Jerry?" His voice had lost almost all volume. It took the other officer a second to figure out what he had heard. 

"Oh, he was sent back to the original scene. I think he's still there. Want a ride back?"

John shook his head. "I need a little walk. Can you tell him I'll meet him there?"

The other officer got on the radio as John turned to leave. Before he walked away, he jogged up to Captain Noble, who was getting in her car. He spoke a few words to her, she nodded and he walked away. 

As John walked, he looked around. The sun was barely up now casting long shadows, but it was wasn't nearly as dark. John sighed. The lozenge helped soothe his throat, which had gotten uncomfortable again. As for not wanting a ride back, he just needed a minute to clear his thoughts. Having been asked all that about Rose was hard. He could have lied, but somehow he didn't. He could have made up any story, the Master would have never known. But it actually was cathartic to say it out loud. Somehow it brought the matter to a close. Though he had been in therapy and such he had mainly been talking about the shooting. It was easy to divert any attention from any relationship he might have by simply denying he ever had one. No one knew about him and Rose other than Jack. So he wasn’t really lying, just omitting. It had worked too. 

Being put on the spot wasn’t easy, but now at least Rose knew. All the cards were on the table. The only other witness was dead. He wondered if he should feel worse about laying it all out in front of Rose, but he hadn’t embellished anything. It was all the truth. He had loved her and she had left him for her job. He hadn't said it before to anyone. Now the Master was dead. None of this should have come as a surprise to Rose. He did catch some movement from her out of the corner of his eye when she was near him in the store though. Well, the truth can hurt, he thought to himself as he kept on. 

OoOoOo

Rose gave her information to one of the officers on scene, all the while keeping an eye on John. He was graceful even in explaining what happened. But she could tell he was tiring. That golden toned voice that had started to falter in the store was now entirely replaced by the injured one. 

Listening to John tell about their relationship had been akin to torture. He didn't lie or spin it though, and she gave him credit for that. He just told the truth. Sitting there though, listening to him explain brought everything back. She couldn't help but think about the little time they had together. Nothing had ever felt so right, yet wrong at the same time. The books said that they shouldn't be together, but what did fate say? That was the hard part, the part that had made it difficult to sleep. What if he was the one she was supposed to be with, but the timing was off? 

She thought ahead, trying to look at her life in the future, as if she could see timelines stretching out. She would promote, even if not this time, eventually, and keep moving up, but to what end? Chief by 45? But what about the rest? Life was not just wearing a badge. What about dinners, and beach days and happy little children running around? She had always liked children, but figured they weren't in her future. But why not? Did she have to choose between having a life and having a job? Eventually she would retire and what then? There would be nothing left. No one to come home to, no one to share it with. 

Rose pushed off the wall she was leaning against when she saw John walk away. She had to catch him. He needed to know. Even if he was done, he needed to know. 

OoOoOo

John was about half a block away from the scene when he heard jogging footsteps behind him. He turned to see Rose advancing on him. He frowned. "Not now," he thought. 

Rose caught his expression and stopped short a couple of feet from him. John then turned to continue. 

"John stop,” Rose called, then softer, "please, I just want to talk to you."

John nodded curtly and motioned for her to walk with him. She couldn’t read his expression. They started back together with him ever so slightly ahead of her. 

The problem was Rose didn't know where to start. "That was some pretty fancy fighting back there." She smiled at him, only to find a stony expression in return.

She plowed forward with a deep breath. "John I was an idiot." This caused him to have the slightest hitch in his step, from which he recovered quickly. 

Rose saw it though, and it gave her hope that he might be hearing her. "John, what we had, was, it was fantastic. I was stupid. I let my ambitions get in the way. I can't believe I thought that moving ahead and promoting was more important than you. Then I left you when you needed me the most and that was wrong. I was wrong. I know that I have ruined everything that was us, but I hope that at least you can accept my apology for what I did, and know that if I wasn't such an idiot, we may have had something. I just wish I would have realized it without having to watch you go through all that just now."

Everything was coming out in a rush now. She knew her time was limited. “But I know. I know what I did. You have to believe me that I couldn’t possibly feel worse. You have been to hell and back and I was not there for you. I missed you, Gods did I, but I let my… I don’t know what it was… get in the way. You have every right never to speak to me again. But I needed to tell you this.” 

They rounded the corner together and could now see the original crime scene.

They kept walking, the silence that now was between them deafening. John's pace never faltered again. Soon they would be amongst a gaggle of other officers. 

"John?" she ventured.

He turned his head to her. She could see his jaw working, then the crunch of a lozenge. He didn't say anything though. His eyes had softened considerably, and she could almost see the wheels turning in his head. Yet he didn't say anything. 

Rose let out a breath and turned from him. Tears were close, but she would not let them come, not in front of all he colleagues. No, she would hold onto them until she got home, then let them out. 

"I'm sorry," she choked out, taking a quick step to separate them more, heading for her parked patrol car. 

She hadn't gone far when she felt a hand on her arm. It was John, his eyes were wet and she could see his Adams apple bobbing. 

He spoke, whispered more like it. "I can't."

Rose started to pull away, fighting her tears. But John held tight. "No, John, just let go. Please," she asked quietly so the others would not hear. 

He stepped in front of her, completely blocking her and loosened his grip. His voice came out like a wheeze. "I can't talk now. I have to rest.” He paused to be sure she had her eyes on him. “Can we meet in a few hours?"

His hand finally fell to his side. Rose drew a breath. "Yeah. How about in 2 hours at that coffee shop on Leroux?"

John nodded, but never broke his gaze. Rose shivered. He looked sincere, but she still couldn’t help but think that she was about to be told to get lost. 

They didn't talk anymore when they joined the others. Rose headed back to the station first to do her reports, though John and Jerry were there soon after. They ended up sitting at a counter near her desk with laptops. She could hear John typing. He was amazingly fast, at least twice as fast as her. He was still typing though when Rose noticed the Captain was back and went into her office, closing the door. 

A little while later Rose emerged. John was sitting in a chair near the office door. He held a white piece of paper. He raised his eyebrows at her as she passed. 

"See you soon," she whispered. He nodded and went into the Captain's office, now closing the door behind himself.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In today’s installment we see just what an amazing man John was and what he was thinking during his showdown with the Master. It seems Rose wasn’t he only one who had been evaluating them. We are almost done now. Maybe this week depending on my crazy schedule.

A little short of two hours after Rose and John had talked in the street, Rose found a table in the back corner of the coffee shop and sat down hard. She didn’t even bother getting coffee, finding sitting down more inviting. It had been a rough regular shift and an even rougher extra shift and she was done. She had been happy when John agreed to meet, but now she was second guessing her ability to function. She figured he would be there soon and settled in, resting her head on her hand. 

OoOoOo  
Rose heard something be put in front of her and felt a gentle hand on her shoulder. She opened her eyes to the kind face of John. She hadn't even realized she had dozed off. 

She cleared her throat and wiped her eyes. "Sorry, I guess I'm more tired than I thought."

John took the seat opposite her. He set his cup down. A little paper tag hung from a string over the side. He had gotten tea for himself and by the looks of it, coffee for her. 

"Are you ok?" he asked. 

"Yeah just tired." She wrapped her hands around her coffee cup. 

"Maybe instead of coffee I should have just met you tomorrow. You look beat."

Rose laughed. "Well this coffee will allow me to make it home. I doubt I'll have trouble sleeping." Just then she realized that his voice was much better. It had regained its smoothness, approaching what it used to be. 

She looked at him in the eyes. "You sound good, John."

He blushed “Thanks. But check again in a few minutes. I don't sound good for long. But it's getting better. After all that with the Master I was pretty bad, but I recovered. It won't last though, especially since it failed before. But tea with honey helps."

Rose sipped her coffee. It was perfect. "Mmm," she hummed. 

They both were silent for a minute, drinking their drinks. They didn’t look at each other, John opting to look out the window and Rose at the other patrons in the shop. Rose could feel discomfort creeping in. She had hoped that the awkwardness wouldn't be there, but it looked like that wasn’t the case.

Finally John spoke up, his eyes drifting back to her. "To finish what we started earlier, I do forgive you Rose. You were going through a tough time. I can only imagine the pressure. I think I understand why things happened the way they did. I didn’t like it, but I understand it."

Rose responded quickly. "You can you forgive me? What I did was reprehensible. I abandoned you."

John blinked. "You didn't mean to hurt me. Listen, I thought about it a lot. I had to work through a lot, but I did. Don’t get me wrong, I was really sad and mad at first, but ultimately I could see what you were doing. You know what you want, this career is everything to you. You needed to be laser focused and I was a distraction. Plus if we were found out it would have been all over for you. Did you get it by the way?"

Rose couldn't believe what she was hearing. He forgave her. He was also being more detached than normal. He was giving her a pass. A pass she most certainly didn't deserve. This was too easy. Without knowing what to say she answered his question, "The testing actually starts in a week. But..." she stopped. 

"What?" John leaned forward.

"I think I'm going to drop out."

"What? Why? You had it in the bag."

"Did I? I don't know. But that's not why I did it. There was a lot of stuff. Mostly I got to thinking about my life. I have nothing outside of the department. Eventually I will retire and what will I have? Nothing. I have not set up a life for myself beyond ambitions to move up. But where does that leave me? I’ll be all alone eventually. That is a horrible existence. I need something else. "

"Oh, but Rose, this had been your dream, if you don't go for it now, even if you don't make it, you have to try. It's like you are denying yourself the life you wanted." John answered, his eyes imploring.

"I thought the captain was going to blow a gasket when I talked to her about it this morning. I've kinda always been her golden girl. She has been working with me from the very beginning. She told me she saw something in me that reminded her of herself. I feel like I let her down. "

"So on the one hand you want to stay on track and on the other hand you have to take care of yourself. I think that you should stay in the race though. If you get it, consider it a blessing. If you don't you can learn from it. This department needs someone as passionate about police work as you are. "You're perfect for it.” 

There it was again, this kind man was giving letting her off the hook. The hook she had willingly hung herself from. "I don't know, it's just that I've been doing an exceptional job of pissing people off lately." She took a sip of coffee. 

"I'm not mad at you.” He put down his cup and absent mindedly stirred it with his stir stick. 

Rose couldn’t take it anymore. "You should be, John. You have every right to be completely angry with me. Yet you sit there and forgive me? There is no excuse for me. I ran out and stayed away, with a stupid reason. I should be lucky you'll even talk to me. Yet here you are. I can’t believe it. One thing for sure, you're a better person than me."

He scoffed. "Not hardly Rose Tyler." He reached out and brushed away the hair that that fallen across her forehead. His hand lingered for a second over her scar then he slowly pulled if back. "I do feel sorry I left a mark on you though. I didn't mean to push you so hard."

Rose looked at him incredulously. "Are you kidding me? You were pushing me out of the way of a bullet. A bullet that nearly killed you. How can you think that way? I'm a horrible person for what I did. Yet you are sad because you left a scar on me for saving my life?" She was getting agitated. People were starting to turn their heads and look at them. 

John stayed calm. He took a steadying breath. "I'm going to be perfectly honest with you. I hated you for a while. A long while. I said some terrible things to Jack once I was about you. And yes I thought you had abandoned me for the job. It ripped my heart out. But I had to get better, so I did. There were a lot of components to it too. I not only had the therapies to work on, but I had to re-examine everything that was me.”

John didn’t know what to do with his hands. He ended up taking a slow sip of his tea and resting one hand near hers on the table before continuing. “Last night when I saw that I was working with you I didn't take it well. I thought I had sorted myself out, but being faced with you shocked me again. But you have to know that I've also been doing a lot of thinking. I came to the conclusion days ago I needn't be mad at you. You are already beating yourself up. I know you that know what you did wrong. I also saw what the Master was doing to himself. It was then that everything came into focus. I was cold to you during the shift because I hadn’t prepared myself for seeing you.”  
“The Master’s little therapy session helped me see where I was and what I wanted. He was miserable because he couldn’t let go and move on. I had been telling myself for weeks that that was what I needed to do. Hearing him struggle with it cleared it all up for me. I couldn't be like him. Ruining your life because someone chooses to not be in it is suicide. That's what essentially happened to him. That’s why I wanted to walk back to the original scene. I was processing. When you caught up to me I didn’t know what to do. I have thought a lot about us. At first I thought that we could find a way to be together. But that didn't happen. I didn't even get a chance to grieve the end of the relationship before I was shot. But there's other things. In the last few days, and especially today, I came to several conclusions."

"And?" Rose prompted. Her thumb migrated to her mouth and she chewed her nail, eyes locked to him. 

"And I decided, for one, that I'm a sucky cop."

Rose’s hand fell. It landed on top of his but she didn’t notice. "What? Are you insane? You are one of the best officers I've ever seen. You are compassionate and smart and one of the best investigators I've ever worked with. You see things others don't. It even showed last night. 

John looked down at their hands together and made no effort to free his hand. "That might be, but I also run into things headlong without looking around. I hate guns, and am terrible at them. I liked talking to people and being out there, but I hated the arresting and prosecuting part. I just wanted them to be better, not rotting in jail. I think people need second chances. I tried to do that with the Master, but he had made up his mind."

Rose sat back and examined him for a moment, her hand slipping off his. "So then what do you want?"

John smirked and took an exaggerated sip of his tea. 

"What?" Rose asked again," John come on."

He leaned in, so did she. They were almost nose to nose. "I resigned this morning."

Rose pushed him back. “You did not."

"I did", he said with a smile.

"But John, you were really good with people. Really, really good. No one comes close to you."

John looked down, not sure what to say next. 

"Hey," Rose called softly. It's just a shame. Even though you don't think so, you were good. There will be no one who will do this like you did."

"Thank you Rose." 

"So what now? What are you going to do?”

John smirked again. "Do you remember those books I was writing?"

"Yeah,"

"In my time convalescing, I finished another one. Actually I re-did the first one, and then finished the second. The third is now over halfway finished. "

"And..."

"And a publisher bought them. I'm a crime novelist.” His grin got huge and he beamed. “The company thinks they may even be able to be made into movies someday." 

Rose couldn’t help but grin widely back at him. "Oh John, that's amazing. I'm so glad for you." She reached out and put her hand on his. "I just have one question. No matter how you answer it I'll still feel the same about you."

"OK..."He looked down at their joined hands. 

"John. So much has transpired. But when I was on the floor listening to you and the Master going back and forth I couldn’t stop thinking. I miss you, I miss us and what we had. Hearing that you were in love with me nearly killed me. It was like looking in a mirror and really seeing yourself for the first time. I saw us and realized that what we had was magical.”

Rose took a cleansing breath. “John, do you think there can ever be an 'us' again? After everything, me being a complete ass, shutting you out, not being there for you. Can you ever see to forgive me to the point of maybe wanting to be near me again?" Suddenly she looked up and him and went pale. She shook her head hard twice and withdrew her hand from his, suddenly scooting back in her chair. "You know what? Scratch that. I can't believe I even asked that. What was I thinking? It's so incredibly selfish of me. Gods I suck! Congratulations on everything. I'll… I'll see you around." She started to stand.

John had been sitting there throughout it all, baffled. "Stop!" he squeaked, little louder than he had intended. His hand shot out and took her by the elbow before she could stand. He guided her back into the chair. 

She looked up, tears streaming down her cheeks. He moved his chair next to hers, took a napkin and carefully wiped her face. Rose sat stiffly. 

When he spoke a gain it was clear that he was reaching the end of his voice. He was more gravely now, rougher, but still warm. "Rose, you and me, we have some work to do. I believe all you said. Having your career so planned out can be a detriment, as we can see. You are great no matter what you do, but I can also see how you need something else. I don't hate you. I understand you. Sure I'm a little wounded, but as you know, wounds heal. You didn't intend on hurting me. That's not in your nature. You were just doing what you thought was right. So here we are huh?" 

Rose coughed a laugh. "Pathetic for sure."

"No question there. But we are serviceable I think. I don’t know what we can salvage. But somethings have come up.” Rose’s eyebrows shot up and John gave her a soft smile. This time he took her hand. “I have to go to New York in a few days for about two weeks. It’s all about the books. I have a lot to do with them still. Apparently my ideas are good but rough. I have to spend all that time working with the editors and promotions people. I guess it's that good I resigned huh? I just confirmed the trip this morning."

Rose hung tightly to his hand now. "Are you moving there?" she asked, still not looking at him.

John chuckled and reached out with his free hand and cupped her cheek. "Now, why would I do that? I have plenty of action here. But let's say that when I come back we revisit 'us'. It’ll give us both a chance to think things through and see what we really want. I mean, what do you think?"

"Should I call you?"

"Um, I would like that, but I think I need a little more time. Let’s just keep it friendly and see what happens. I'm going to be very busy anyway while I’m there and I want to give you the time you need. I'm not saying no though."

"Ok." she answered, now trying to casually fold the napkin she had somehow latched onto with her free hand. 

Rose heard John's chair scrape back. This was her time to panic. He was ready to go. He was going to New York to start his life. Maybe he was just being nice when he said he was open to revisiting them as a couple. All he would have to do would be to stay out there and she would end up being a footnote to his great life. And she deserved anything she got. 

He stood and Rose winced. But he hadn’t let go of her and gently tugged her to standing also. He kept hold of her and led her silently outside. Together then walked hand in hand to her car. 

John turned to her. "Are you safe to drive home?"

Rose nodded. "Yes, I’m good. I'm more awake now."

"Ok, I'll see you soon." And with that he leaned forward and planted a lingering kiss on her cheek. 

Rose got into her car and was halfway down the street before she realized she hadn't offered him a ride. She quickly turned around but when she got back, the lot was empty.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to the last chapter. I just have an epilogue to finish up. I would like to thank all of you that have taken this journey with me. It turned out being my longest story, but that was not intended. It sort of wrote itself. If you like what you read, let me know. I’ll post the epilogue very soon, it just needs to be shined up. I have a proper adventure in the works to post in the next few months. I also have a few bunnies in the incubator. Thanks for your time. Enjoy chapter 16.

The following week, Rose did indeed test for lieutenant. The written test and interviews were grueling to say the least, but somehow she managed. After the final day, she got take out, put on her most comfortable sweats and plopped on the couch, idly wondering if there was some mind numbing television on so she could properly vegetate. She was about a half hour into an episode of Ninja Warrior when her phone beeped. She groaned and picked it up. It was a picture from John. She clicked it and there, smiling back at her was the absurdly goofy grin of John taking a low angle selfie with the Empire State Building rising next to him. The message read, "Hope you are good, things are crazy here, but I snuck out today to see big buildings. Looking forward to seeing you when I get back. Did you test? How did you do?"

Rose smiled at the words. She thought for a few moments. Then typed "I'm glad you saw tall buildings. Yes I tested, but don't know how I did. Looking forward to seeing you too." She watched as the message was read, but he didn't answer. Rose sighed and went back to her television.

OoOoOo

Rose wiped the sweat off her forehead and felt the dirt smear across the skin. Her knees were sore from her current positon, but she needed to finish. The sun was relentless on her neck and she could feel the beginnings of a burn. She would need to hurry to keep that from happening. 

Lifting the tray of flowers from behind her, she pushed out one of the little squares and settled it into the ground. This would be a striped petunia, one her her favorites. She put it right next to the new daisy plant that would hopefully grow into a bush in the coming years. Just as she pushed the last of the flowers into the bed she heard gravel crunch and a car pull into her driveway. She turned, but the glare of the sun hit her directly in the face, and she couldn't see who it was. 

Once her eyes adjusted, she saw that it was actually a small truck. It was bright blue and not entirely new. The door popped open and the familiar tall lanky form of John smith climbed out. 

He met her with a warm smile. "Well hi there, farmer Rose! What plantin'?”he asked with a laugh. 

"Rose shot him a tongue touched smile before answering. "Well, you see, I have corn, carrots, and wheat on the back forty, but right here I have a whole lot of flowers."

John chuckled. “Back forty eh? He stepped up to her. "And you look like you got into your work." He raised a hand and wiped off her forehead, his hand lingering as it moved to her cheek. "Can I hug you hello?" he asked.

Rose thought it strange for a second, but nodded and embraced him. How she remembered the feeling of him. It all came rushing back. He smelled so similar, spicy and sweet at the same time. She reveled in his warmth despite the hot day. He held her tenderly for a few moments before they both stepped back. Though he was still looking at her intently. "I missed you." He uttered. That was the first time Rose noticed his voice, it still lacked some of the smoothness from before, but it was much stronger and just better overall. 

"I missed you too." She cleared her throat. "You sound good too." 

"Oh I'm just warming up. You should hear me after a few minutes. It's like nothing ever happened. "

Rose took off her gardening gloves. "I like it. Um, can you stay for a little bit? I was just going to make lunch."

John jumped and scurried back to his truck. He opened the door and moved around until he produced two big brown bags. "Perfect! I picked up barbeque." He held them out triumphantly. 

Rose laughed. "How in the world do you fit that tall body of yours in that little truck? Do you fold up in there?"

“Oh Rose, it's magic. It's bigger on the inside. And don't talk down to my truck. I love it."

"When did you get a truck?"

"I got it after getting out of the hospital. I needed to get around and wasn't really up to riding the bus everywhere. He raised the bags in his hands. "C'mon, let’s eat." He motioned with his head for her to go inside. 

Once in the kitchen Rose washed up and John went about setting up the food. Rose found herself watching his reflection in the kitchen window. He moved easily and confidently, like he was at home, Rose on the other hand, was nervously scrubbing her hands. John looked up at her and she finished quickly and rinsed, drying with a paper towel. 

She joined him at the table, sitting stiffly. "Wow you got a lot again."

"Yup," he popped the P, "I never seem to know what to pick. So I just get it all." He then started heaping various things on Rose's plate. There was fried okra, sweet potato fries, barbecue beef, corn bread, he didn't stop until the plate was full He then placed it in front of her. He then did the same for himself. She looked at him as he worked. He seemed so content, yet she, sitting right next to him was feeling torn and nervous. 

John began to eat, but Rose didn't quite know what to do. When he had gone, they had left on an unsettled note. Now he sat beside her, happily eating away like nothing ever happened. 

He looked up, "Aren’t you going to eat?" he asked, mouth full.

"Yeah, sorry," she dipped a fry in ranch dressing and ate it. She nearly groaned at the taste. It was so good. She ate a little more before she couldn't stand it anymore. "John?" she ventured. 

He looked back at her with a fry half way out of his mouth. "Yeah?"

"Thank you for lunch, but don't you think we ought to talk?"

"Sure I just thought you were hungry."

"I am, but..."

John straightened up. "Ok, but me first." She nodded. "When I left, I still had some, uh we'll go with bad, feelings about what happened. I knew you were sorry for it all, and I wanted to see what we had together, but I wasn't willing to be hurt again. I wasn’t lying when I said I forgave you though. I did, and I know where you were coming from."

Rose nodded again and started to say something, but he held up his hand. "No wait, I have more. So then I got to New York and started working with my editor. He wanted to make a lot of changes to one of my characters. We finally agreed on just fleshing her out. So we spent a lot of time just doing that. Here, let me read this to you." He reached in his jeans pocket and pulled out a printed piece of paper. "Her golden hair flowed round her face like a halo as John's eye followed her across the room. She moved effortlessly with the grace only seen in dancers, yet with the ferocity of a lion. Her skin was perfect, with no hint of her past trauma, and glowed with a tantalizing light. She caught the eyes of everyone in the room, yet John felt as he was alone, witnessing this wonder all for himself."

Rose smirked. "You named your hero John?"

"Yes, but that's not the point. Did you hear? All along I have been writing you. In my story John gets all the credit, But Violet is the real hero. She is strong and smart and dead sexy. I was there and they finally asked me who this was and why I was so meticulous in writing her. Then I finally had to admit to them and to myself that it was you."

"I'm flattered, John."

"You should be" They both laughed. 

"I'm not sure what all of this means though." Rose prodded. 

"I wrote you into my book. You're there forever. I think subconsciously I was writing you into my life. You know that I wrote that character in later. I actually went back and did it. After my injury. My first book was lacking something, I guess it's kinda like me. I needed something. It turns out that I needed you. In all that time I had alone, I wrote. I found myself working in Violet. At first I wasn’t that kind to her, but as time went on I realized what she brought to the story, what she brought to John. That’s why after you apologized I finally put two and two together. John needed Violet and I needed you." He extended his hand and took hers in it. 

Rose was stunned. She at back a little, not breaking their hand hold. "But I was horrible to you. How can you feel like that?"

“Oh I didn't at first believe me, especially right after it happened. Then things started to turn. And as I sat in that dreary office in New York, breathing more life into Violet, I noticed that I was protective of her. When anyone tried to change her I got possessive. In doing that, I felt close to you. I realized that I gave her so many of our traits. She's a go-getter too. They are partners, you know."

"I figured. So John, what are you trying to say?" Rose was leaning in. 

John grinned a huge goofy grin. "I’m saying that I want to be with you. I mean if you'll have me. I want to give us a chance."

Rose sighed heavily. "John don't get me wrong. I love being with you. But I left you when you needed me. I don't know how you can get past that."

"It's simple. I don't want a relationship based on guilt. You were tugged in a lot of directions. You knew we couldn't be together when I was working at the department. I knew it too. I was wrong to be giving you so much pressure. I didn't see where you were, I only saw us. You've been thinking about moving up in the department since you were little. Some little girls plan their weddings from a young age, you planned your future." Rose looked down and John reached out raising her chin. "That was not meant as an insult. It's who you are. I think it's great. Wait... Oh I forgot to ask. Did you get the promotion?"

Rose eyed him for a long moment before breaking into a huge grin. "Yes, I start my training next week."

John beamed back at her. Before she knew it, he had pulled them together and placed his lips on hers. At first Rose resisted, mostly by being stiff. John was persistent though, and seconds later Rose melted into him. It had been so long since their last kiss. Even though they were both awkwardly in chairs, they took every opportunity to pull closer. 

"Ow," said John, pulling away breathless. 

Rose blanched. "Did I hurt you? She pushed back in her chair. 

John chuckled. "No, I leaned in more and the arm of the chair jabbed in the stomach. It was nothing to do with the war wounds."

"Good because I'm never going to let anything hurt you again." she murmured, taking his lips again.

As things began to heat up, John stood up, somehow not breaking the kiss, that was, until he reached under her and scooped her up bridal style. 

This time they made it to Rose’s bed rather than the floor. And this time they were in no hurry. 

John knelt on the bed after setting her down. His hands went to her shirt and gently tugged on the hem. His eyes caught hers, asking for permission. By way of an answer, Rose pulled it up over her head. He let out a little breath at the sight of her. 

“Wow I missed you.” he breathed, still above her. Rose pushed herself up to face him and began unbuttoning his shirt and snaking her hands inside, giving him a light scratch up his back. He held still at first then buried his head in the hair at her shoulder, growling. When she got his shirt off, Rose took a long pause to let her fingers gently graze over John’s now pink scars. He pulled back and watched her, finally stopping her, holding up a hand. “Not now Rose. Let’s just be us.”

“No,” she whispered. “I have to know what is what.”

John lay down on his side in front of her only to be joined shortly after. He then took the time to meticulously explain every mark. Even the small ones. Saying things like, “This was where my chest tube was, and this was where they had the long term IV.” He lifted his arm. “This little one was where the bullet went in.” He carefully turned his head. “This is where it came out.”

With each explanation Rose reverently put a gentle kiss to each spot. She lingered on the exit wound, feeling the puckered skin underneath her lips. 

John flinched and Rose pulled off. He captured her though, holding her close. “Oh no you don’t. It just feels weird. The doctors said it was going to be sensitive for a while, but it’s not bad. I just have to get used to it. It’s not like anyone has nuzzled my neck since the accident.”

Rose smiled next to him on the bed, her hands now gently tracing the hair on his chest. John held on a little longer before taking her lips again, and letting his hands roam. Rose followed suit, touching and exploring. 

Slowly and carefully, gentle touches led to caresses. Before long, two became one again. Before they knew it, they were laying, her head resting on his chest, cuddling on her bed. 

OoOoOo

The food had long gone cold when John went to retrieve it. He warmed it all and brought it back to her for a bed picnic. John leaned back on the pillows, eating a fry. "I missed us Rose."

"I did too. I could do this forever.”

“Me too.” He leaned forward and dropped a kiss on her still bare shoulder. He smiled brightly at her and picked up his sandwich again. 

Rose reached for the okra but only held it, not eating. “John? I have to know, what's next for you?"

John swallowed the bite he was chewing. "Well Rose, Tyler, I'm about to be very busy. I have to go back to New York and work on the release of the book. I have to do interviews and such, something I am not looking forward to. Then I have to finish book two, now that there is a love interest I have to tweak some things. Then I think I'll buy a house."

Rose sputtered, dropping her okra. "What?"

"Well I need somewhere better to write than just my kitchen table. So I want a house with a nice office, big kitchen and a big back yard. "

"Why do you want a big back yard?" Rose moved closer eyes searching his for any indication of where he was going. 

"Well, so our kids can have a swing set!" He laughed out loud until Rose grabbed him tightly and smashed her lips to his. Soon the picnic was forgotten again.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Done! I promised you an epilogue. I was thinking that this was longer and needed more work. But luckily it wasn’t and I could get it out today. Please let me know what you think of this one though. Especially if you liked it. I never know if my AUs will go anywhere or if they are too far out there.  
> I really want to thank you for reading the things that fall out of my head. It’s more validating than you may think. 
> 
> Stay tuned for my next adventure. Give me a little time and it will be up.

5 years later

Rose eased open the door of her car and carefully slid out, trying not to make a sound. She watched the hunched figure as she approached, and it didn't seem to notice she was advancing. She made sure her footfalls were near silent step after step. Soon the target was in range. Rose reached out for it. Just as she did, it turned suddenly and screamed. "Mama!" The little boy jumped into her arms. 

"Hello my sweet boy, what were you doing?" 

"Pretty rocks!" the boy exclaimed, holding little stones to her face then hugging her tightly. 

Rose swung him around to her hip and started towards the house. She smiled as John came into view. He was sitting on the front porch swing, holding baby bottle to a bundle and singing softly. 

He looked up and grinned. "Hi there. I tried to put her down inside but she wouldn’t have it. So we decided to come out here and swing. She’s calming now." 

Rose put the boy down, sat next to her husband and then took the baby in her arms. The little girl squirmed and fussed for a minute until Rose replaced the bottle. Then she switched to staring at her mother and reaching lazily for her face. Her son crawled up on John's lap and they all resumed swinging. 

Rose sighed.

"What?" asked John.

"Could this be more perfect, you me these guys?" 

John leaned his head on her shoulder. "I imagine it couldn't be."

"Did you get any work done today?" she asked, now putting the sleeping baby on her shoulder and patting her back. 

"Yeah I actually did,” he replied, “I was going to call your mother and see if she could watch them, but I must have tired them out. They both took really long naps this afternoon and... I finished."

"You finished?" Rose squeaked, making the baby fuss for another second. Rose calmed her quickly. "Your first screen play. I can't believe it."

"It wasn't terribly difficult. I mean it was my story and all." He pretended to blow on his fingernails and shine them on his shirt. 

"Wow, you’re humble,” she deadpanned. “But seriously, that is so cool. What now?"

"They'll review it and see if any changes need to be made. If they like it then they start casting next month. "

"I can't believe it. You’re making movies." She nudged his shoulder. 

"I know right? Just my stupid little stories. Basically my therapy after I was shot, and look, someone wants to make it into something. "

"Well at least something good came out of what I put you through."

John sat up and looked at her incredulously. "You can't be serious, Rose Smith. We came out of that. You and I evolved from that into this, and I couldn't be happier."

"I know, me either. But if you look at the road we took, it was a windy one."

"Better with two," he murmured, stroking her hair. 

"Yeah."

Just then their son fidgeted. "Mama, can we eat?"

"Are you hungry Jack? Let's get dinner."

The boy jumped off his father's lap and bounded for the front door yelling, "Mac and cheese, mac and cheese!"

John got to his feet and groaned. "We had that for breakfast and lunch. Trust me, we're having something different for dinner." He reached down and took the sleeping bundle from Rose. She stood up next to him, laying a hot kiss on his lips. 

"Whoa, what was that for?" he said, smiling against her lips.

"It was for you being you. Thank you."

John grinned. "I would do anything for you Rose." Then they both went into the house amid the sounds of their son asking for his macaroni and cheese.


End file.
